12 Phrases To Use That Can Destroy Anyone's Ego
Sometimes, demanding respect starts with challenging another person's ego.
Anatoliy Karlyuk | Shutterstock.com While many egotistical people are perceived to have a superiority complex informed by misguided ideas about their own success, intelligence, and skills that feed into their narcissistic tendencies, psychologist William Van Gordon argues that they’re also often inherently insecure. Even if their inferiority is subtle and suppressed, their need for validation, to impress others, and assert their superiority stems from a need for self-preservation and reassurance.
If your partner, peer, friend, or co-worker is constantly looking to you to reassure their identity, oftentimes in toxic and belittling ways, there are certain phrases to use that can destroy anyone’s ego, that also set clear boundaries about the kind of respect you expect from your relationships.
Here are 12 phrases to use that can destroy anyone’s ego
1. ‘You’re exhausting to be around’
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By using people in their lives as a means to reach their goals, often in incredibly toxic and misleading ways, narcissistic and egotistical people sabotage the health of their relationships. They drain other people’s energy with their lack of empathy, putting their own needs and wants over everyone else’s.
According to psychology expert and professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne, setting your own boundaries and utilizing your own empathy can help to put an egotistical person in their place. Actively acknowledge how they make you feel, even if it makes them uncomfortable, and don’t be afraid to point out their hurtful comments, behaviors, and tactics when they happen, rather than letting them go constantly dismissed.
2. ‘I didn’t expect you to be reliable, that’s on me’
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The basic tenants of a healthy relationship are open communication and consistency, two things that egotistical people disregard in attempts to look out for themselves. Whether it’s disrespecting someone’s time by canceling at the last minute or talking over them in conversation consistently, the unreliability of an ego-driven friend or partner can be incredibly emotionally exhausting.
While these narcissistic people may avoid the emotional toil and stress more empathetic people take on, like a Harvard Medical School study on optimism suggests, when it comes to punctuality, they’re chronic lateness and disrespectful habits sabotage the health of their interpersonal connections.
Don’t let this behavior go unnoticed, no matter how many excuses or dismissive comments an egotistical person poses as the reasoning behind their inconsistency — nothing will change if their behavior isn’t acknowledged.
3. ‘I don’t live for your approval’
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Egotistical people are mostly driven by external validation, praise, and status, according to a study published in Perspectives on Psychological Science, and they don’t mind putting other people’s needs beneath their own to chase them.
A phrase like this can both acknowledge another person’s clear need for external validation, something that’s inherently linked with their insecurities, and humanize the victim of their dismissive behaviors. While their behavior might never change, you can make it clear that you won’t tolerate living in their shadow, especially at the expense of your health and social connections.
4. ‘If you can’t be honest with yourself, how can you be honest with me’
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While egotistical people might try to convey a misleading narrative that they are incredibly self-aware and confident, their behaviors tell a different story, as they often rely solely on external validation and praise to fuel their self-esteem.
According to Kendra Cherry, MSEd, the best way to protect yourself from this harmful cycle is to connect with your own self-assuredness. When you’re self-aware enough to acknowledge how another person’s behavior makes you feel, and self-assured enough to call it out, you can begin setting helpful boundaries that protect your energy.
5. ‘Thanks for the reminder of why I keep my standards high’
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If you can’t rely on self-esteem and confidence to challenge a toxic person’s misguided ego, you can always resort to pettiness. While it may not solve long-term issues, it can give you reassurance in a passing conversation or with an inconsistent friend.
Not only are you directly challenging the incredible, healthy, and impressive persona an egotistical person is trying to convey, you’re passively setting your own relationship boundaries, as well.
6. ‘You’re proof that not everyone deserves a second chance’
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A narcissist’s lack of empathy is largely what contributes to their success in manipulating and exploiting others, according to a review published by the Frontiers in Psychology journal. Not only are they less likely to empathize or listen to other people’s emotions and open communication, they tend to directly latch onto empaths and echoists who make it easier for them to take advantage of their kindness.
Instead of letting someone continuously walk all over you and take advantage of your kindness, take away any second chances. Not only will you shock them with a clear and rigid boundary, you remind them that empaths and genuinely kind people are still able to stand up for themselves and protect their energy in ways that a narcissist can’t break through.
7. ‘I refuse to let you speak to me like that’
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According to communication consultant Allen Stafford, acknowledging someone’s harmful behavior in the moment is the key to setting healthy boundaries. Whether it’s a co-worker constantly monopolizing a conversation or a partner dismissing your emotional expression, call out the behavior before it transforms into subtle resentment.
Not only does this make it harder for narcissistic and egotistical people to manipulate you or shift blame, it protects your emotional wellbeing against the vengefulness of resentful feelings.
8. ‘If self-awareness was a class, you’d fail’
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Who can ignore the self-empowerment a petty comment like this brings, especially against an toxic and egotistical person?
Of course, while a petty comment can help to humble a person’s ego, it’s important to also remember that many narcissistic and egotistical people have learned their habits from unhealthy childhood environments or as a coping mechanism for their own internal conflicts. They’re not always inherently bad people, they’ve just struggled to cope with their own traumas and feel peace in expressing their personal emotions.
9. ‘I don’t entertain childish behavior’
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Many people with inflated egos and misguided victimhood will do anything to get other people to react poorly to their toxic behavior. Not only does this give them a chance to avoid accountability, it also allows them to shift blame on another person and victimize themselves.
By completely separating yourself from their manipulative tactics and destroying their ego with a simple phrase like this, you can set clear boundaries for the respect you deserve without sacrificing your own emotional health and wellbeing to do so.
10. ‘You seem embarrassed’
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Ignoring their uncomfortable feelings and resorting to anger when they bubble to the surface, egotistical people often feel rageful towards people that express their emotions openly or urge them to communicate. By directly pointing out their perceived embarrassment, you remind them that it’s normal, but likely also spark a “shame rage cycle,” as experts from Physis Consultancy explain.
If you’re constantly met with anger during conflicts or open conversations, especially when you’re trying to get answers or express your own emotions, consider how your partner, friend, or peer is trying to use you to feed their own ego. By directly addressing their ego and setting clear expectations, you can weed out these toxic people from your life in ways that benefit your general wellness.
11. ‘You’re not deserving of my attention’
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While the other phrases that can destroy anyone’s ego actively acknowledge a person’s selfishness and manipulation and create space for the victim to speak their mind, there’s another option that can be more protective of your energy: ignoring it.
As clinical social worker Dr. Sharon Martin explains, ignoring someone’s toxic behavior, especially if you’ve tried to address it before, and setting healthy boundaries with space can ensure that an egotistic person doesn’t bring out the worst in you. For people in long-term relationships, that might mean taking some time apart. For others, it might mean bringing in professional help like a therapist.
Whatever makes the most sense for your situation, you should do. Remember, if being around someone drains your energy or makes you self-conscious, don’t ignore it.
12. ‘I’m speaking’
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Both a popular phrase on social media and an empowering way for people to create space for their opinions, a phrase like this can help you to demand respect from a narcissist that’s prone to interrupting or talking over you.
If they dismiss you the first time, you can continue saying it. Even if you need to slightly raise your voice or spark discomfort in other people to reassert that basic expectation of respect, continue repeating this phrase until you’re given the opportunity to finish your thought.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.