11 Phrases That Put Fake People In Their Place
Protect your energy by setting boundaries with fake relationships in your life.
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock Protecting your energy and cultivating a strong inner circle revolves around healthy boundaries. What kind of respect are you willing to demand? What kind of energy or language will you not tolerate? All of this starts with recognizing patterns bad or narcissistic behavior, and then re-asserting your expectations.
Luckily, there are several ways to spot fake people in your life, who tend to be self-serving, insecure, and occasionally narcissistic, according to a study from Personality and Individual Differences. By utilizing phrases that put fake people in their place, you can reinforce important boundaries, pour into your own self-esteem, and protect yourself from their negative energy.
Here are 11 phrases that put fake people in their place
1. 'Can you repeat that?'
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Operating from a place of inherent insecurity, fake people often won't respond or repeat something they know is incredibly hurtful or resentful if there's a crowd. They're more worried about external validation and asserting their superiority by bringing others down to stand their ground on a toxic comment.
Ask them to repeat these comments, even if they're just passive condescension. You're not only taking away their misguided power over a conversation that's meant to be balanced and productive, you're reminding them of your humanness and your ability to stand up for yourself.
2. 'Did you mean to sound condescending?'
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A tried-and-true way you can protect yourself from fake people and put them in their place is to remind them of the respect you expect from every conversation. Fake people will take advantage of the people around them, even with something as simple as a self-preserving hurtful comment that they know they won't be called out for.
Don't be the person that sits with those comments and their negative energy, dismissing your own emotions for the sake of "keeping the peace." Instead, re-assert your boundaries, give them a chance to apologize or rephrase their comment, and demand the respect you deserve.
3. 'You seem upset about something'
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According to trauma coach Manya Wakefield, fake people, especially ones with narcissistic tendencies, tend to deflect blame and victimize themselves when they're "called out" for hurtful comments and behaviors. Instead of falling into their trap of defensiveness, consider getting it out of the way first in conversations, addressing their hostility with a simple phrase like, "You seem upset about something."
Is there actually something they're upset about or are they spewing negative energy from a toxic, selfish, or malicious place? Remind them that you have the capability of noticing their negative energy and behavior, calling it out, and humanizing yourself in the face of their fakeness.
4. 'Don't speak to me that way'
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Creating space and embracing loneliness as peace can be incredibly beneficial practices for people navigating toxic relationships with fake people. Like many of the other phrases that put fake people in their place, they tend to rely on confrontation or direct communication to "call out" negative comments and behaviors, but this one can be more passive.
You can take space, walk away, and refuse to engage with someone when they're targeting you negatively. Fake people and false relationships can leave intense scars on our hearts and peace, according to motivational speaker and author Liane Holliday Willey, so don't let their guilt about removing yourself stop you from carving out that intentional space just for yourself.
5. 'Can we find common ground without the insults?'
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While it might seem impossible for some, especially those currently in a toxic relationship or friendship, you have the control to craft the reality you dream of. If your friends disappoint you, your partner relies on hurtful comments to assert their dominance, or you're constantly running into fake people in your life, you have the power to find peace again.
It starts with self-esteem and confidence. Adopt practices that are assuring to your own identity, emotional health, and well-being so you can approach these harmful conversations with strong expectations about the behavior you tolerate.
Everyone is yearning to find shared experiences and interests with each other, so finding common ground can be beneficial. But don't forget to also consider those boundaries and expectations, never sacrificing respect for the sake of misguided connection.
6. 'No'
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Especially for fake friends and relationships that tend to take advantage of your kindness or empathy, consider using this simple assertion to set a boundary. You won't tolerate disrespect, you won't be used, and you won't continue celebrating the negative energy and mood fluctuations of a fake person. Remember: "no" is a complete sentence.
According to psychologist Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, it's important to utilize boundaries like this with fake people, especially if your relationship with them started as a seemingly healthy and happy one. As their behavior grows more toxic and our lives become negatively affected by their actions, reminding them (and yourself) what you'll tolerate can protect you from a nasty and resentful experience.
7. 'A real friend wouldn't say something that hurtful'
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While setting boundaries and "protecting your peace" seem like grandiose practices that require a lot of thought, energy, and time to assert in your relationships, the truth is you can stop toxic behavior from fake friends and partners in the moment. Don't be afraid to both call them out for their behavior and refuse an apology for a hurtful public insult.
According to clinical psychologist and author Alice Boyes Ph.D., leading with self-compassion and empathy in your life can get you far, especially when it comes to protecting your emotional health amid relationship challenges and conflict. Instead of appeasing other people's demands and needs, you work to achieve a level of self-assuredness that motivates you to better set your boundaries.
8. 'This is how I'm feeling'
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Some people prefer a clean cut with a toxic friend, taking space to heal away from them and protecting their energy without the distraction or temptation of conflict. However, if you've only started to recognize some toxic traits in a potentially fake person, specifically one you've already cultivated a relationship with, consider sharing your emotions in the moment.
Expressing your emotions to hurtful behaviors or comments, instead of dismissing them or pushing them away, can help you. It may not help them to continue shifting blame and might result in some defensiveness, but at the very least, you were able to communicate how you felt and get it out.
Like life coach Laura K. Connell suggests, toxic people can urge us to close up and shelter ourselves from open and honest communication — don't let that energy affect you.
9. 'This doesn't feel productive to me right now'
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Many fake people will stir conflict and disagreements only to victimize themselves later on. If you feel like your kindness is being taken advantage of or you're constantly fighting with a fake person in your life, take a step back. Remove yourself from the situation, remind them that you're only interested in productive and honest conversations, and leave them to self-soothe on their own terms.
When you're self-assured, confident, and have high standards for yourself and your relationships, fake people have nothing to latch onto. Let them figure out how to assert their misguided superiority in another way.
10. 'You bring out the worst version of me'
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Sometimes, honesty is the best policy, even in a relationship you know is headed for demise. Friends should always bring out the best in you, at least on a day-to-day basis. If you feel endlessly resentful, defensive, and insecure around someone, the problem probably isn't you, but the unhealthy dynamic you've both contributed to in the relationship.
If your friends are seeking an explanation for why you need space — something that you're not obligated to give, but can help to set an expectation — use a phrase like, "You bring out the worst version of me." It not only helps you to clear up misunderstandings in your relationship, with the potential to start over and mediate conflicts, it sets the tone for a separation.
You look after yourself first, and if that means cutting off a friendship or a relationship in the name of healing, so be it.
11. 'That was unkind'
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While it's possible someone's negative energy has become second nature to them, and they're truly unaware it's hurting others, many fake people feel better when they're bringing other people down. It's an intentional choice they're making in every conversation.
By pointing out their behavior and re-asserting a boundary of respect, you can break that habit — whether it's intentional or not — and remind them you demand a certain kind of behavior in your relationships. Like life coach Patricia Bonnard explains, protecting yourself from negative energy not only influences your self-esteem and relationships, but also your physical and mental health.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango who focuses on health and wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.