11 Phrases People Use When They Don’t Value Your Opinion
If someone has to bring you down to feed their own confidence, they're not worth keeping around.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock.com Wanting to feel heard and valued in conversations is truly a human need, fueling our organic conversations as we work to truly support, communicate, and love each other. When you feel valued, you feel loved — giving you an opportunity to cultivate healthy relationships without sacrificing our authentic and genuine selves. And when you hear phrases spoken by people who don't value your opinion, it feels absolutely devastating.
When faced with narcissism or self-centeredness, the healthy conversations we yearn for can take a toxic turn as people invalidate our emotions and dismiss our opinions. While it might be hard to spot these toxic behaviors, especially in our closest relationships, being able to acknowledge the phrases people use when they don’t value your opinion can be the first step towards prioritizing yourself and setting clear boundaries.
Here are the 11 phrases people use when they don’t value your opinion
1. ‘Your guess is as good as mine’
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While this phrase is generally used in passing without direct malicious intent, it can be an easy way for people to invalidate your opinion and make you feel less confident in conversation without having to take direct accountability for hurting your feelings.
Essentially, this phrase is a way for someone to suggest you don’t know what you’re talking about — “I have no idea, but you also have no idea, so I’m going to ignore your thoughts.”
Whether you’re in the workplace or discussing conflict with a partner, find ways to actively support someone’s emotions and opinions, rather than suggesting they’re misguided or wrong. Even if you don’t agree with someone’s approach, healthy communication can still be prioritized when there’s a safe space to “be wrong” or disagree.
2. ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about’
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While other phrases may be subtle, some people who don’t value your opinion aren’t shy about expressing it — using phrases like this to invalidate and degrade your input in conversations, hoping to make you feel less confident speaking your mind.
According to family and marriage therapist Jennifer Litner, people who emotionally invalidate others are generally opting from a place of insecurity — hoping to make other people’s opinions unimportant to support their own misguided sense of superiority.
When faced with this kind of outright disrespect, finding ways to communicate boundaries is most important. Remind people what you expect from conversations, even if it’s uncomfortable.
3. ‘You’re overreacting’
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According to Harvard psychologist Dr. Cortney Warren, narcissistic people tend to rely on gaslighting phrases like this one to invalidate other people’s emotions and opinions, making themselves seem more competent.
While it might be difficult to recognize this toxic behavior in a relationship with someone you’re yearning to trust, being able to point out this dismissive language can help you to set healthier boundaries.
Being able to advocate for your feelings and find common ground is the easiest way to combat the negative effects of verbiage like this, according to Dr. Warren, even if it’s with a phrase as simple as “Whether you agree with me or not, this is how I feel right now.”
4. ‘Whatever’
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People who don’t value your opinion likely aren’t motivated by open communication and healthy discussion, they’d prefer to say their piece, dismiss your emotions, and move forward without any kind of resolution.
By using a phrase like “whatever,” they can subtly acknowledge your thoughts, while simultaneously dismissing them, showing a lack of engagement that people committed to healthy communication would never indulge in.
By demanding space to talk or stepping away from conversations where you don’t feel respected, you can ensure you’re investing time and energy into people and relationships that help you grow, express true emotions, and build up your emotional wellbeing.
5. ‘It’s just a joke’
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While humor and well-timed jokes can help to alleviate discomfort in tense situations, like family therapist Phil Stark suggests, using a phrase like this one typically comes across as more dismissive and invalidating than supportive.
When someone in your life says something hurtful, but refuses to take accountability for it, the emotions you’re experiencing deserve to be acknowledged.
When someone chalks all their condescension and hurtful language up to “a joke,” you’re not only having emotional needs dismissed, you’re having your opinions and thoughts actively invalidated.
6. ‘That’s just your opinion’
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Many gaslighters fuel their egotistical mindsets by making other people feel worse about themselves — trying to invalidate their opinions, dismiss their emotions, and encourage them to feel self-conscious to maintain an aura of superiority in conversations.
According to a study published in the “Criminology” journal, these gaslighters also have a low enough sense of self control and security that they’ll actively work towards hurting others to make themselves feel more comfortable.
By suggesting that you’re “wrong” simply for stating an experience or opinion, rather than a fact or something that aligns with their thoughts, these hurtful people attack competency, rather than opening up healthy discussion with people they don’t agree with.
7. ‘Nobody asked’
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Confidence coach Michele Molitor argues that people who aim to disrespect and invalidate others often use hurtful comments and public humiliation to support their own egotistical image of themselves.
By using a phrase like this and trying to get a laugh, even in the face of your vulnerability, hurtful and narcissistic people attempt to break down your self-confidence and sense of security for their own benefit.
While it’s clearly a self-sabotaging behavior for people looking for a healthy connection, many narcissists are more worried about making themselves look successful, charismatic, or intelligent than nurturing truly healthy connections.
8. ‘This is what actually happened’
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While disagreements can be healthy and not everyone is going to agree about their experience of the same event, being able to listen to another person's opinions without dismissing them is a facet of the open communication needed for healthy relationships.
People who struggle with compromise or view disagreements as a direct attack on their own personhood may use a phrase like this as a defense mechanism against their own discomfort, invalidating and disrespecting others along the way.
While it might be impossible to force someone to make space for you to speak in conversations like this, you can always create space with people who don’t value your opinion. If you’re not feeling heard, express that. If nothing changes, create a boundary. If that boundary continues to be disrespected, create space to invest in other relationships.
9. ‘It wasn’t as bad as you think’
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Especially when you’re sharing emotions or vulnerable opinions, finding people who will support you and make space for your discomfort is incredibly important.
Whether it’s a trusted friend or a partner, people who value you and your opinions will never suggest that “you’re overreacting” or making things up.
Find people who uplift you, even when you’re struggling, rather than trying to redefine or craft your original experience.
10. ‘You think you’re so smart’
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According to communication experts Lee K. Broekman, using condescending language to break down other people’s intellect or confidence only sparks resentment, conflict, and chaos in relationships — whether it’s a professional partnership, an intimate connection, or a friendship.
Not only does this resentment tend to sabotage connections and break down the emotional health of both parties over time, making people feel bad about their own competency sabotages their ability to grow without judgment.
If you expect to be treated with respect and given grace in conversations where you may not “know everything,” you should offer that same kind of sentiment to others without unnecessary criticism.
11. ‘I wouldn’t be that confident if I were you’
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Taking away from someone’s sense of personhood, confidence, or security is a quick way to sabotage trust in a relationship. Not only are the people in our inner circles supposed to support us, they should help us to embody our best selves — not the insecure, unstable, and attention-seeking versions we grow from.
By using a phrase like this to devalue someone else’s opinion, insecure people attack the competency of others, setting themselves on a pedestal for more attention — even at the expense of their relationships.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.