10 Phrases People Use When They Have No Empathy
Beware of someone who sees the world in such a negative light.
Koldunov | Shutterstock Having empathy for others is a key component to developing strong relationships.
According to psychiatrist Helen Riess, empathy involves a person's ability to recognize their own feelings while understanding the emotions of others. Cultivating empathy requires us to imagine why someone feels the way they do and have concern for their well-being.
Empathy directly translates into our ability to care for others. If someone doesn't have empathy, they tend to make that deficit clear through their words and actions.
Here are 10 phrases people use when they have no empathy
1. 'I'm sorry you feel that way'
fizkes | Shutterstock
A genuine, heartfelt apology can heal someone's pain, but a person with no empathy will struggle to understand why someone is hurt, especially when it pertains to the impact of their own behavior. In order to repair damage, an apology has to be meaningful, while focusing on how the offending person will change in the future.
Saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way" isn't a true apology. Instead of taking responsibility, this phrase pushes the blame back onto the hurt person, framing the situation as though they're the one who caused the damage to be done.
2. 'You're overreacting'
Lordn | Shutterstock
Telling a person they're overreacting is tantamount to telling them that they're too sensitive. This phrase devalues someone's emotions, framing their response to a situation as being "too much." The phrase also functions as a way to cut a person down, which can make them feel like they don't deserve to take up space.
During a discussion on the American Psychological Association's podcast, "Speaking of Psychology," professor and social psychology researcher Sara Konrath described the different components of empathy.
Emotional empathy is feeling what someone else is feeling, also known as empathic concern. Cognitive empathy is perspective taking, which Konrath described as the ability to "Think about what the world is like from someone else's perspective, and really from their point of view."
In order to have cognitive empathy, Konrath explained, "We can listen carefully. We can pay attention to body language, voice, facial expressions of emotion and other things like that... The research shows that people who are good at cognitive empathy tend to be also compassionate [and] show more compassion for others."
A person without empathy is unable to extend compassion to other people, which is why they tend to think everyone else is overreacting or being too emotional.
3. 'That's not my problem'
fizkes | Shutterstock
When confronted with a conflict or an emotional issue, a person who lacks empathy will respond by declaring it's not their problem.
Empathy is connected to compassion, which involves putting ourselves in someone else's shoes and offering support to people in need. Yet a person without empathy is more self-centered, and is unlikely to extend themselves for anyone else.
Konrath's 2023 social psychology study established that having a strong sense of empathy is linked to various pro-social outcomes, such as volunteering in one's community and helping others. Her prior research showed a significant decline in empathic concern among American college students between 1979 and 2009, meaning that altruistic attitudes were way less common.
In times of distress, people need a helping hand to guide them through. Someone without empathy is more concerned with their own well-being than that of others, and probably won't offer their support.
4. 'Just get over it'
fizkes | Shutterstock
This phrase is an example of a dismissive statement that cuts people down.
In order to move on from being hurt or whatever hardships that we're faced with, we need time to process our emotions. A person who tells someone to "get over it" is clearly lacking empathy, because they don't understand the weight of that person's struggle.
Treating others with kindness and respecting their emotional needs is an indication of being an empathetic person. When someone is unable to hold space for another person's pain, it signifies that they don't have empathy.
5. 'You get what you deserve'
fizkes | Shutterstock
Another sign someone lacks empathy is that they brush people off whenever they have a bad experience.
We all have our fair share of hard times. An empathic person is able to acknowledge what someone is going through, even if they've never felt what that individual is feeling. In contrast, a person who has no empathy believes someone's misfortune is due to their own deficiencies, so they wind up blaming them for how they feel.
6. 'You wouldn't understand'
fizkes | Shutterstock
Just as an unempathetic person won't recognize anyone's else's hardships, they also believe that their struggles are worse than other people's.
If someone reaches out and tries to support the empathetic person, they will tell the helpful individual that they could never understand what they're going through.
Life and relationship coach Mitzi Bockman described people who lack empathy as self-absorbed, to the point where they "Think of themselves, their issues, and their place in the world first."
"They put their needs above the needs of all others," she explained, which is why they think no one has experienced what they have.
7. 'It's not my fault'
fizkes | Shutterstock
Someone with no empathy doesn't have much patience or tolerance for other people's mistakes, and they don't hold themselves accountable for their own mistakes either.
Because they struggle to see different perspectives apart from their own, they go through life believing that nothing is ever their fault. In some ways, this sets them up to have a victimhood mentality, where everyone else is against them.
A person with no empathy probably has a pattern of behavior where they don't take ownership for how their actions affect others, making it hard for them to remain close to people.
8. 'It's not that bad'
Mangostar | Shutterstock
Oftentimes, when we vent about our troubles, we don't want solutions, so much as we want the feeling of being heard and understood. We naturally seek nurturing and reassurance from our loved ones, but a person lacking empathy is generally unable to extend that emotional comfort, even to people they care about.
For example, if you're having one of those days where everything goes wrong and you just feel like crawling back into bed, a person without empathy will diminish how you feel and tell you that what you're going through isn't that bad. They might even match your complaints with their own complaints, as though they were saying, "You think that's bad? My problems are so much worse."
The phrase "It's not that bad" makes people feel invalidated and small, as if they don't matter.
9. 'I'd never do that'
Nicoleta Ionescu | Shutterstock
According to a study from the Psychological Association of Science, empathy has three distinct components: perspective taking, emotion sharing, and compassion.
Researchers found that 75% of people who engage in empathy experience all three components at the same time, showcasing how empathy is a complex emotional reaction. The study also found that people tend to empathize more with positive emotions more than negative emotions, and that they empathize more easily with someone they're close to, as opposed to a stranger.
A person without empathy sets themselves apart, which means they don't recognize other people's sorrows or joys. Someone with no empathy is more likely to separate themselves from others than find common ground.
Because they hold themselves at a distance, they're unlikely to notice any parallel experiences or similarities they have with anyone else. If someone is at a low point in life, a person with no empathy holds tightly to the belief that they'd never wind up in the same situation, because they can't remove themselves from their own rigid perspective.
10. 'That's just who I am'
fizkes | Shutterstock
A person who lacks empathy won't apologize for who they are, but they're also blind to their own growth points and, therefore, unwilling to work toward change.
If you approach them and share how you've experienced or interpreted their behavior, a person without empathy will tell you that's just who they are, and there's no changing them. Their singular focus on their own perspective means they're unable to see when they've hurt someone, and they won't own up to it even if it's brought to their attention.
The reality is that we all have flaws and aspects of ourselves that require some emotional labor. If we're not willing to do the work, we'll end up isolated from the people around us. But by working on our empathy, we can guarantee that we'll stay close to the people who we care about.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.