People With Incredible Social Skills Regularly Use These 3 Phrases, Says Psychology
These phrases suggest you have incredible conversational social savvy.
FatCamera | Canva Have you ever been so overwhelmed with envy when you see someone with incredible conversational social skills? What if you could learn to see through this green veil and become genuinely happy for others? You don’t need to pretend you don’t get frustrated or jealous when seeing someone else with this social savvy — these conversational skills are all learnable.
People with incredible social skills regularly use these 3 phrases, says psychology
1. 'Tell me more about that'
I ask, ‘What about this got to me?’ What could this be showing me?’ What we’re doing here is looking for the glimmer of gold inside the emotion. When we flip our interpretation of our response to other people’s success to a positive, we put ourselves on the front foot.
We find a way to be energized by it. You can’t not. More curious people tend to report higher levels of life satisfaction and positive emotions. Actively cultivating curiosity can contribute to greater well-being and a sense of fulfillment in life.
While a 2023 study suggests that curiosity promotes happiness, it's essential to consider that people who are already happy might also be more inclined to be curious.
‘I’m angry that Jason gets more likes than me on Instagram.’ Why? Because I want to do well. I want to know that people enjoy my work. I want to connect and make an impact. I have high standards for myself. I know I can change the world.
Okay, that’s better. Perfectly commendable reasons for getting annoyed sit at the heart of it. And so, we can find some self-compassion. We step out of the uncomfortable sense that we’re a bad person. That’s important. What’s next?
2. 'What can I do to help?'
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When we’re upset, we always have a choice: to help ourselves or not. We can eat ourselves from the inside and enter into a joyless downward spiral.
A study published in the International Journal of Behavioral Development found this willing-to-help energy can be utilized by actively cultivating positive emotions, practicing gratitude, focusing on strengths, engaging in meaningful activities, and leveraging happiness's positive impact on cognitive function, creativity, and social interactions.
To set a positive tone for your day, offer to help (yourself or others), practice positive affirmations, keep a gratitude journal, or visualize optimistic scenarios. Dedicate time to hobbies, interests, or pursuits that bring joy and energy.
We can throw our toys out of the stroller, grab the nearest bottle of whiskey, and self-sabotage ourselves further. Or we can take option B: We can use this aggressive energy to tighten, improve, and hone our next steps. We can ride the wave upward.
We thank the brief Rage Wave and then identify the one thing we’ll do right away, thanks to the excitement that was stirred.
- I will offer to help.
- I will narrow my focus.
- I will get up an hour earlier.
- I will redefine my daily system.
- I will find more gratitude in what I do.
- I will walk each morning to still my mind and boost my creativity.
- I will go all in on less, so I can make a bigger impact than I made last week.
Now you are twice as excited. So…What is it?
3. 'I'm so excited for you!'
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Ask yourself, ‘What’s stopping me from feeling good about my work in the context of what others are doing? Why is it hard for me to be excited for other people's success?' A feeling will likely arise with fists raised. Be there with the feeling. Watch it now.
Where do you feel it in your body? What does the feeling look like if you had to describe it to a close, unsuspecting friend? What color is it?
Watch it now without judgment. Just do as we did before: Be curious. You may notice it lose its edge. The more you watch, the less of an electric charge the strange little thing that once animated it has.
And the more you observe, the less color and life it possesses. What is the significance of all this woo-woo garbage, bro? We do this because we understand the symbiotic nature of feelings and thoughts.
With less feeling, the corresponding thought loses its power over us. So when we can see a feeling diminish in real-time, we’re also draining the energy from the thought-made belief.
Whatever belief that once brought you grief in the comparison game, like: ‘I hate that Patrick gets more love on his posts than me because it means I’m inadequate and not very intelligent,’ should now transform into genuine excitement for other people — because their success has absolutely no bearing on your own.
The next time you come across something that once brought you rage, you may now sense it as mild annoyance … or you may feel nothing at all. That’s good too. You may even feel a fluttering sense of joy.
You can move on and do your thing without distraction. You can return to full capacity. You can return to you — exactly what you need if you want to disrupt the planet with your talent.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.