12 Phrases People Who Are Good At Small Talk Always Use
You don't have to be born with the talent of small talk to excel at it.
ShotPrime Studio | Shutterstock Charles Duhigg, author of "The Power of Habit," argues that small talk isn't an innate skill, but rather a learned behavior that can be studied and crafted to perfectly suit any situation — whether you're talking with a loved one or making small talk with a stranger.
The more you study, the better you get at honing in on the practice, but for now, consider using one of the many phrases people who are good at small talk always use. You can cultivate better connections, relate to people more effectively, and spark community in even the most mundane interactions.
Here are 12 phrases people who are good at small talk always use
1. 'Tell me more about that'
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Making people feel important is the first step in cultivating a healthy connection and the foundation for building community. According to a study from the Journal of Research in Personality, when people feel heard, understood, and respected, they live happier and healthier lives.
Even when people are expressing negative emotions or complaining, making space for their concerns and struggles can help them to feel understood and respected — let them vent and then let them go. Focus on active listening, asking tailored questions, and personalizing your importance. People love to talk about themselves, so let them.
2. 'Let's catch up sometime'
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While it might be a pass to get out of a conversation or a segway into another interaction, using this phrase can be incredibly helpful for navigating small talk, especially for people you don't know well or haven't spoken to for some time.
Make them feel appreciated and "put a pin" in the conversation, rather than ending it completely. People feel more comfortable with warmth than cold in conversation, and will respond favorably to welcoming and empathetic energy, even with people they don't know, according to the linguistic book "Small Talk" by Justin Coupland.
3. 'Can I be honest with you?'
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According to research published in Psychological Science, the more substantive conversations people engage in, the happier they are, while small talk is technically considered a gateway into more meaningful interactions. As one of the phrases people who are good at small talk always use, this introduction to honesty in a passing conversation can help to build trust and remind people that you're open-minded to diving deeper.
Prioritizing honest communication isn't just impactful for maintaining healthy relationships and friendships. If a question like this is utilized effectively during small talk, it can also help to build a bridge between you and another person — helping both of you to relate to each other, channel a bit of vulnerability, and find common ground that's important for feeling understood.
4. 'That's so interesting'
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Life coach Lynette Baker argues that perfecting the skill of active listening during small talk can be the perfect mechanism for allowing people to feel understood. Although most people who are good at small talk are focused on the benefits genuinely listening provides for other people, the truth is it's also incredibly beneficial and healthy for the person listening.
Baker explains that active listening gives you a better understanding of your own beliefs, promotes self-awareness of your own perspectives, and helps you to learn about your relationship dynamic — while still helping other people to feel respected.
5. 'Did you hear about this?'
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The anxiety-inducing interaction that every person fearing small talk worries about: a lull in conversation. So, how can you keep the conversation going? Use context clues, previous conversations, and experiences you've shared to bring up another topic that will both facilitate conversations and give others a chance to talk about something they're interested in.
Watching other people get comfortable and light up while talking about things they're passionate about is the fire that illuminates the profound nature of conversation. Don't underestimate the power of a phrase like this.
6. 'What have you been up to?'
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Another of the phrases people who are good at small talk always use is "What have you been up to?" It's plain but powerful, as it not only gives people a chance to talk about themselves, like everyone enjoys, but gives you a chance to pick up shared experiences and common interests that can fuel later conversations.
While constantly turning conversations back to yourself can be a toxic form of self-focus that tarnishes relationships and early conversations, like psychological science professor Amanda Rose Ph.D. explains, a healthy balance of self-interest and active listening can be the perfect blend for small talk.
7. 'Do you remember this?'
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Recall is an important aspect of conversation, both for facilitating small talk and for active listening, and can help people to feel understood and respected. Finding a common ground can help people feel connected to you and even make space for a sliver of community that many people are simultaneously yearning for and missing in their lives.
Find an old experience, preferably one that you've shared together or a shared interest to recall during small talk. You'll open up the floor for them to talk about something they're passionate about, or at the very least keep the conversation naturally flowing.
8. 'This reminds me of something'
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While many people value deep conversations, even with strangers, according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, something as seemingly superficial as recalling a random relatable fact can bond people and create a bridge into a more meaningful conversation.
Bridging the gap between someone's experience and a shared interest, news headline, or interesting fact can be an easy way to promote relatability in a simple conversation.
9. 'What excited you about that?'
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According to life coach Janelle Anderson, being genuinely curious in small conversations can not only charm other people, but help them to feel understood in passing interactions. Some consider it a conversational trick, while others suggest it's simply a means to channel our human nature: yearning for community and connection.
Get out of your head, as Anderson wholeheartedly suggests, and let people talk about themselves without external judgment. What are they excited about? What are they looking forward to? What shapes their goals and lights up their daily lives?
10. 'How did that make you feel?'
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While this might be the introduction to a more vulnerable conversation, it can still be an important phrase for maintaining a healthy conversation while keeping small talk going. Especially if you're talking to a good friend or a loved one, this experimental question can open the door to digging deeper into the emotions and feelings that define an important experience for someone.
Despite remaining understudied in the psychological realm, according to a 2023 study, the sentiment of feeling heard is a "cornerstone" of close relationships — ensuring that people get a glimpse of that during small talk can not only help their self-esteem, but help you to find an important common ground.
11. 'I remember you were planning to...'
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A research study titled "Project Aristotle," conducted by Google, revealed that small talk and passing chit-chat can help to bond people, even in professional settings looking to cultivate a high performing team. Recall, an important aspect of active listening and meaningful small talk, can help to facilitate that bond, reminding people that you're listening and genuinely interested in what they have to say.
Recall something that they mentioned in a previous interaction or earlier in your conversation. You might relate over a shared experience or open the door to another conversation about their future plans and exciting goals.
12. 'I couldn't help but notice'
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Small talk is the gateway between meaningful conversation and superficial chat, according to social historian Joe Moran, Ph.D. When we remind people that we're listening, viewing them as an entire person, and highlighting someone about them — whether external or internal — they can feel appreciated in their humanity.
It could be as simple as a compliment about a new hairstyle or excitement about a sense of confidence that someone has been committed to working on. Let them know that you notice them, their achievements, and their goals, even if they don't seem all that significant to you.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango who focuses on health and wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.