11 Phrases That Offend Highly Intelligent People But Don’t Bother Average Minds At All
You might be surprised by how easily offended intelligent people can be.
Maria Loginova / Shutterstock Intelligence can be measured in a number of unique ways, depending on the person. It’s not only a measure of tangible knowledge and intellect — things like critical thinking skills, problem solving, or reading comprehension — but also involves self-awareness and emotional competence. We'd all like to think we rank among the truly smart, but research has shown that 65% of Americans overestimate their intellect, believing they’re more intelligent than the average person.
Being intelligent isn't always what it's cracked up to be anyway. In fact, there are several phrases that offend highly intelligent people but don’t bother average minds at all due their heightened insights and sensitivities.
Here are 11 phrases that offend highly intelligent people but don’t bother average minds at all
1. ‘You’re overthinking it’
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While truly intelligent people tend to opt for simplistic language and clear explanations, making their conversations and thought processes more accessible for everyone to engage with, being accused of overthinking is likely offensive to a select few. Intelligent people tend to be more creative and curious, according to a 2015 study, so they may indulge seemingly simple topics, arguments, and conversations with an aura of excitement that other people don’t share.
Asking thoughtful questions and opening up conversations that may not seem necessary to an average thinker doing the bare minimum is how highly intelligent people live fulfilling lives and make strong connections. When they’re accused of overthinking something when that’s truly just their nature, it can come across as invalidating, dismissive, and rude.
2. ‘It’s not that serious’
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There’s a misconception that highly intelligent people tend to make everything more complicated than it needs to be. In reality, they’re more concerned with learning new things, getting out of their comfort zone, and making connections, so simplifying their language, cultivating safe places for conversation, and getting to know people is truly top of mind.
Phrases like “it’s not that serious” or “it’s not that complicated” can feel dismissive and offensive to intelligent people, because they’re usually not trying to make things more complex than they need to be.
What motivates them in conversations and social interactions is connection. If that means going the extra mile to listen to someone’s story, asking thoughtful questions about their passions, or opening up a new perspective during a work meeting, they’re willing to do it. While it may be annoying, uncomfortable, or even illuminating to their own insecurities to listen to, average minded people shouldn’t rely on phrases like this to call it out.
3. ‘It is what it is’
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Experts from Harvard Business Review argue that curiosity is just as important as intelligence when it comes to communication skills, social interactions, and personal growth, but the two are already intrinsically connected. Intelligent people seek out new experiences, put themselves in front of people who know more than them, and often make an effort to teach themselves new skills, ideas, and perspectives.
They don’t settle for excuses like “it is what it is” to avoid the nitty gritty conversations and work. They’re willing to seek out answers, go the extra mile, and take time to learn things they don’t know.
Considering they find joy and fulfillment in learning, they’re also confident enough to admit when they’re not an expert. Whether it’s in their personal life or in the workplace, they ask for help, pull in people with different perspectives, and seek out advice to learn new things, they’re not making excuses using a phrase like this or trying to avoid asking questions that reveal they don’t know what everyone else is talking about.
4. ‘That’s just how I was raised’
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There’s no denying that our childhood experiences and even the relationships we had with our parents affect our adult lives and wellbeing. A study published in the BMC Public Health journal argues that it’s common for adult children to cope, act, speak, and believe in ways that are heavily influenced by their upbringing.
However, many highly intelligent people have the self-awareness to at least recognize how their behaviors and actions are influenced by their childhoods — and actively address them. Just because you had a rough childhood, grew up without parental support, or even struggled with insecurities growing up doesn’t mean it has to affect your entire life.
Despite that acknowledgement that many intelligent people have the capacity to make, most average thinkers would prefer to shift blame, avoid accountability, and make excuses for why they’re struggling now. They use their childhood experiences and the values their parents instilled in them as a scapegoat for holding themselves accountable, whether it’s in relationships, at work, or at home when they’re trying to build healthy habits.
5. ‘It’s just a joke’
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Many people who lack emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and general critical thinking skills will use the excuse of humor to mask their hurtful language or insecurity. Rather than apologizing when they hurt someone’s feelings or offend them, they use phrases like “it’s just a joke” or “stop being so dramatic” to gaslight people into feeling guilty.
Many of the phrases that offend highly intelligent people but don’t bother average minds at all are rooted in this kind of emotional intelligence, fueled by the self-awareness that simultaneously builds someone’s tangible intelligence and IQ. Intelligent people are capable of owning up to their mistakes, taking accountability, and being adaptable, people with average intelligence are more prone to rigidity and defensiveness.
6. ‘I don’t need to know that’
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Intelligent people seek out the answers to their questions and other people’s, as well. They’re not defined by what society considers to be important or even possible, instead they lead with their own passions, values, and interests in mind.
Whether it’s in the workplace, diving into a conversation about problem-solving from an innovative perspective, or in their relationships, trying to understand their partner on a deeper level, highly intelligent people are innately curious.
People with average minds may use phrases like “I don’t need to know that” to stifle productive and curious conversations, uncomfortable with change and differing perspectives, but those are exactly the kinds of things that intelligent people appreciate.
7. ‘This is the way the world works’
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Let’s face it, many people, whether they’re intelligent by a certain set of expectations or not, are feeling confused about the current state of the world. It’s easy to say things like “this is just the way the world works” or “there’s nothing I can do about it” to avoid taking responsibility for small daily choices and habits, but truly intelligent, curious, and creative people find productive ways to both grapple with modern day stress and make a difference.
They’re willing to put in the effort, even if it’s simply leading with more empathy in conversations, to change assumptions about the world on an individual level. They don’t simply accept a misguided belief that everything is simply the way it is with no room for evolvement or change.
8. ‘I don’t care’
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Many of the things that highly intelligent people find enjoyable are not going to be the same as everyone else. In fact, outside of intelligence as a whole, everyone has their own hobbies, interests, and passions. It’s valid to “not care” about something that another person is incredibly interested in. However, intelligent people do find meaning in listening to other people talk about their passions. They appreciate being able to connect with others, learn new things, and make safe spaces for people to share their opinions.
It can feel offensive when someone immediately resorts to a phrase like “I don’t care” in conversations, not only because it stifles the safe space they’ve worked to cultivate, but because it can feel dismissive toward people who worked up the courage to speak their mind and share the things they enjoy.
Even in a work meeting, intelligent people have conversations about and share perspectives on things that they may not necessarily “care about” for the purpose of learning and growing. So, feeling offended over a phrase like this isn’t necessarily about feeling like their own hobbies and interests are being dismissed, it’s about stifling creativity, innovation, connection, and trust.
9. ‘Nothing ever works out for me’
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According to psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson, many people who truly wallow in self-pity and feel sorry for themselves don’t feel the need to express it to others. The people who rely on phrases like this in their daily lives are looking for pity from others, needing external praise, validation, and support to build self-esteem.
However, intelligent people tend to find phrases like this offensive, understanding the toxicity of cyclical external validation and self-esteem. They’re internally confident, driven by daily practices, social interactions, and self-awareness that fuels their sense of self worth.
10. ‘That’s not my fault’
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According to psychotherapist F. Diane Barth, people who take accountability and feel comfortable owning up to their mistakes generally live happier and more fulfilling lives than those who don’t. Not only are they less interested in making excuses for their misbehavior or blame-shifting, they seek out new things, experiences, and interactions where they’re bound to make mistakes.
They don’t view making mistakes as a sign of weakness, but rather an opportunity for growth, so phrases like “that’s not my fault” that actively shift blame and dismiss accountability can feel dismissive and offensive for highly intelligent people.
11. ‘I never ask for help’
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According to a Stanford report, people who ask for help are generally perceived to be more competent and intelligent than those who refuse to, but there’s also research to suggest that many people are yearning to feel helpful. By asking questions, seeking out advice, and asking people for help, intelligent people are able to bond with others, while also learning something new. Everyone wins!
However, people with misguided opinions about asking for help, who may view it as a weakness or a detriment to success in our competitive culture, tend to miss out on that opportunity, and generally offend people with phrases like this one.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
