11 Phrases Millennials Were Raised To Believe That Turned Out To Be Completely Wrong
Parents of millennials ended up causing lasting damage.
Xavier Lorenzo | Shutterstock In many ways, millennials existed on the cusp, bridging the generational gap. They might not be able to function without iPhones in their current lives, but once upon a time, they carried flip phones in the pockets of their JNCO jeans. Millennials spent the first half of their lives in a blissful pre-internet existence, meaning they spent countless hours lying on the kitchen floor, listening to the hum of the refrigerator, without any electronic devices to distract them.
Millennials heard their parents say "being bored means you're boring" more than they ever wanted to, one of many outdated phrases millennials were raised to believe that turned out to be completely wrong. Yet with age comes wisdom, as the saying goes, which is a life lesson that millennials are starting to accept.
Here are 11 phrases millennials were raised to believe that turned out to be completely wrong
1. 'You can be anything you want to be'
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As one of the phrases millennials were raised to believe that turned out to be completely wrong, "You can be anything you want to be" was meant to inspire young millennials to work hard and dream big. In our current world, telling kids they can be anything they want would be seen as toxic positivity, but when millennials were growing up, it was just a normal part of life.
According to neuroscientist Tali Sharot, 80% of people have the optimism bias, which she described as "the tendency to overestimate our likelihood of experiencing good events in our lives and underestimate our likelihood of experiencing bad events."
"Private optimism about our own personal future remains persistent," she explained. "And it doesn't mean we think things will magically turn out okay, but rather, that we have the unique ability to make it so."
Sharot pointed out that unmitigated optimism can lead to risky behavior, but maintaining low expectations isn't a healthy approach, either. "We should be able to strike a balance, to come up with plans and rules to protect ourselves from unrealistic optimism, but at the same time remain hopeful," she concluded.
Millennials who refused to release the idea that they could be anything they wanted faced serious disappointment, but it's possible that their hope for the future carried them through.
2. 'Your job defines who you are'
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From a young age, millennials learned to equate their self-worth with their productivity. They were praised for their over-achieving, perfectionist tendencies in school, and they carried those tendencies with them into adulthood.
They bought into the idea that work was more important than anything else, but all they got in return was stress, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion. Millennials believed that work was supposed to fulfill them, and when it didn't, they wondered what was wrong with them.
As it turns out, nothing was wrong with them, but there was something seriously wrong with the way they devoted themselves to their jobs, to the detriment of their health and well-being. It took them some time, but millennials are finally learning that they are so much more than what they do for work.
3. 'You have to finish everything on your plate'
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For millennial kids, dinner time meant listening to their parents repeat one particular phrase: "You have to finish everything on your plate." They were raised to believe their eating habits were responsible for ending world hunger, which was completely wrong, on both a personal and political level.
Experts from Harvard Medical School shared that the "clean your plate" approach to eating is more harmful than helpful. When kids are forced to finish every last piece of food in front of them, they never learn their own hunger cues. They recommend intuitive eating, which is based on the idea that "our bodies intrinsically know what, when, and how much to eat to stay nourished."
"Intuitive eating is a framework that integrates mind and body and encourages you to trust in your own ability to feed yourself," dietitian Emily Blake explained. "You'll start trusting yourself much more with the ability to eat what feels good to you physically without any emotional distress or guilt."
4. 'Boys will be boys'
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The middle school experience was defined by the idea that "boys will be boys," but it's actually one of the phrases millennials were raised to believe that turned out to be completely wrong. Every snapped bra strap and mean joke was met with that phrase and no other consequences.
Millennial girls were expected to accept their harassment. At its core, the phrase denied the need for boys to be held accountable for their actions.
Professor Elizabeth Meyer pointed out that using the phrase "boys will be boys" is dangerous, in part because it "creates an easy excuse to fall back on so adults don't have to examine other reasons for such aggressive behaviors."
"It is also often used to justify schoolyard bullying — often very extreme cases that are violent and homophobic in nature — and causes many adults to accept negative behaviors as 'natural,'" she explained. "We need to be able to talk about children's behavior in more complex and nuanced ways that don't confine them to socially constructed pink and blue scripts."
5. 'Therapy is only for people with serious issues'
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Millennials were raised to believe that therapy was only useful for people facing a major mental health crisis, but that turned out to be false. When millennials were younger, therapy held a seriously negative stigma. While seeing a therapist is more widely accepted now than it was back then, there are still misconceptions around who should be in therapy.
"Therapy is not only used to remedy diagnosed behaviors and emotions," experts from Centerstone Mental Health explained. "Therapy is for anyone who needs emotional support, advice, guidance, and structure in their lives... The goal of therapy is to improve a person's well-being."
The truth is, therapy is for anyone and everyone. More than anything else, therapy is a tool people can use to build up their self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
6. 'It's not polite to talk about money'
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Millennials were raised to believe that talking about money was rude. But while talking openly about money might be uncomfortable, the more people discuss it, the more they understand it.
Keeping money a hush-hush topic stops kids from learning essential skills for financial literacy. According to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, "Children learn about money from watching their parents and caregivers earn, spend, save, and borrow."
By the time kids are in elementary school, parents can help them "absorb rules to live by and day-to-day habits that shape how they earn, save, and shop." Giving kids an allowance is an easily accessible way to teach them about the value of money and help them understand saving.
7. 'If you're not married by 30, there's something wrong with you'
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Millennials were taught to put marriage on a pedestal in a way that wasn't particularly healthy. Parents would make it clear that in order to be happy and fulfilled, marriage was the way to go, often telling their daughters, especially, that if they weren't married by a certain age, something was wrong. This turned out to be one of the many negative phrases millennials were raised to believe that turned out to be completely wrong.
Millennials were raised to believe that getting married was the only thing that mattered. That misguided belief made millennial women feel especially bad about themselves. Marriage isn't the right choice for everyone. There are endless ways to give your life meaning that don't involve taking vows.
8. 'Being sensitive means you're weak'
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Millennials were raised to equate vulnerability with weakness, which explains why being ironic gained so much traction in the early 2000s. The belief that being sensitive meant they were weak was deeply ingrained in the way millennials related to each other.
It took millennials a long time to release the idea that sensitivity was a negative trait. Once they did, they were able to embrace their authentic selves, and they were so much happier for it. Because the truth is that sensitivity is actually a strength, not a weakness.
9. 'Girls can't play sports'
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Millennials were raised in an era of surprisingly rigid gender roles. The phrase "girls can't play sports" was embarrassingly common. It permeated playgrounds, high schools, and even college campuses.
The phrase was designed to keep millennial girls down, but they refused to listen. Instead, they watched Mia Hamm win the Women's World Cup in 1999, which reinforced what they already knew to be true: Girls are a force to be reckoned with.
10. 'No pain, no gain'
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One of the phrases millennials were raised to believe that turned out to be completely wrong was "no pain, no gain." It was meant to be a source of motivation, but really, it taught millennials to ignore their needs and push past their limits.
According to leadership coach Tara Kermiet, millennials were "taught that no matter how tough things got, we were supposed to push through, brush ourselves off, and keep going."
"Resilience was supposed to help us survive tough times," she explained. "But somewhere along the way, that survival tool became a weapon we turned on ourselves. When we keep pushing through without setting boundaries, we're not being resilient, we're self-destructing. Real resilience should come with boundaries, with breaks, with a little grace for yourself."
11. 'You'll understand when you're older'
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Millennials were raised to believe the phrase "You'll understand when you're older," but for better or worse, that turned out to be completely wrong. Their boomer parents used that phrase to avoid explaining difficult concepts.
The phrase was meant to convince millennials that adults had all the answers. As kids, they accepted it as the truth. But now, millennials are fully-fledged adults, and they've come to realize that their parents were just trying to buy themselves time.
Millennials are definitely older, and if there's one thing they understand about life, it's how little they actually understand.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
