9 Phrases That Make You Seem Fake Even If You're Just Socially Awkward
Some people struggle even in the most ordinary conversations.
Pixel-Shot | Shutterstock Having simple conversations with people can be extremely difficult for those of us who are socially awkward. We are constantly overthinking every word that leaves our mouth, making sure we laugh at everyone's jokes, and obsessing over when the time is right to jump in with our own thoughts.
However, this awkwardness can sometimes easily be misinterpreted as rudeness or insincerity, especially when uttering certain phrases that make you seem fake even if you're just socially awkward. Sometimes when we are obsessed with saying the right thing, it can come across the wrong way. But recognizing these phrases can help you understand your socially awkward friends better and assure you that they are not, in fact, being fake.
Here are 9 phrases that make you seem fake even if you're just socially awkward
1. 'I'm so excited to be here'
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Even if you are, in fact, very excited to be in a certain place, some people may mistake your enthusiasm as fakeness. In other cases, if you don't say it enthusiastically enough and your body language is hard to read, they may also think your excitement is insincere.
Many people don't realize that telling someone you're excited is often just a social habit to get them excited as well and to avoid silence. Even if your tone or body language may not match your words, it doesn't mean they are not true, especially if you tend to be a bit socially awkward in conversations.
2. 'I totally get what you mean'
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"I totally get what you mean" is one of the phrases that make you seem fake even if you're just socially awkward, especially if it's said without context. Some people may even be offended if they believe you can't possibly relate to their lives and are just trying to be involved in the conversation.
They may perceive it as you trying to force a connection by mirroring or mimicking their interests, behaviors and opinions, which they may take as an insult or threat. According to mental health and psychology writer Anna Drescher, "Narcissistic mirroring is a manipulation tactic used by narcissistic individuals to create a false sense of connection with another person by mimicking their thoughts, feelings, interests, or behaviors."
However, socially awkward people aren't necessarily narcissistic, even though their behaviors or words may indicate otherwise. They may say this phrase when they are trying to empathize with another person and make them feel comfortable by letting them know that they have similar feelings or experiences.
3. 'That's so cool'
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This phrase may come across as empty enthusiasm, especially when someone is telling you an interesting story. But it's often just a nervous response that socially awkward people have when they aren't sure how to express their actual thoughts in the moment.
They also may be trying to let the other person know that they are listening and interested in what they have to say, though the term "cool" is overused and somewhat generic. If you use it in conversation, others may assume that you are not being sincere, especially if it's something said frequently and out of context.
4. 'No offense, but...'
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Of all the phrases that make you seem fake even if you're just socially awkward, "No offense, but..." is likely the most misconstrued, not to mention likely one of the most annoying things someone can say. Socially awkward people often try to find the most polite way to deliver critiques or negative opinions when they're in a conversation with someone.
But saying "no offense" is ultimately followed by something that will very likely be offensive — for example, "No offense, but that shirt looks stupid on you." The phrase often creates a sense of irony and discrepancy, since you may know that what you're about to say could potentially be considered offensive.
In fact, experts from Boldside Consulting point out that there's a huge difference between offering someone feedback and outright criticizing them. "Feedback (delivered well) helps people grow and improve. The intention is to build up. It's about making someone better. Constructive feedback, even when it's hard to hear, is a gift to the receiver. It's fact-based and future-focused," they point out.
However, they added, "Criticism is different... The focus is on the person instead of the problem. It gets personal. And that's why criticism tears down people's sense of worth. It's often filled with harsh assumptions and fault-finding. It's less of a dialogue and more of a monology."
RELATED: 11 Traits That Give Off Bad Vibes Without Anyone Meaning To
5. 'Good luck'
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To some people, the phrase "good luck" can feel like an empty gesture, especially when they are enduring a challenging situation that requires serious dedication and work. It can imply that their success is solely dependent on chance rather than their effort and ability. Others may take the phrase "good luck" as a sarcastic insult, especially when your tone suggests that you don't genuinely believe in their abilities.
If someone were to tell you that they were training for a marathon, and you smiled and said, "Good luck!" they may perceive it as a sign of your doubt, depending on your tone and body language. However, luck plays a bigger role in our lives than we may think.
A study published in Advances in Complex Systems suggested that luck is a much more significant factor in achieving exceptional success than people might commonly believe. So when we wish people luck, we may genuinely be manifesting it for them in whatever they may do, even if we may say it awkwardly.
6. 'Let's totally hang out sometime'
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This phrase can come across as insincere, especially when it is not followed by action. It is often used between old acquaintances who haven't seen each other in some time, and to break the tension, one person may open the door to the possibility of hanging out at another time, even though it likely won't happen.
However, socially awkward people might say it to those who they thoroughly enjoyed spending time with without having to directly tell them that. Even if you actually intend on wanting to spend time with them, life can get in the way and you may not uphold that promise. It doesn't mean that you're fake, it means you're a human who isn't always perfect.
According to therapist and counselor Chris MacLeod, when potential friends say they want to get together but don't follow through, "it can make you worry that there's something wrong with you. It can also leave you feeling frustrated at how flaky everyone is, and reduce your motivation to keep trying to build a social life."
However, MacLeod adds that there are reasons people have for doing this, including being socially anxious, insecure, pessimistic, or even because it was an empty offer to begin with. When you use this phrase with people, they may think you are quite full of it, even if inside you are simply just awkward.
7. 'I don't want to bother you, but...'
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This phrase may imply that you are fishing for attention from someone else, making them sit on the edge of their seat as they anticipate how exactly you plan to bother them. But if you're socially awkward in conversations, you may use it as a way of apologizing for taking up space or talking too much, even if it is not a bother at all to the other person.
According to the Mayo Clinic, socially awkward people who are anxious in social situations tend to harshly judge themselves, believing that their own behavior or reactions are a nuisance or a burden to others. If you're awkward in conversations or are simply just a people-pleaser, you may warn someone that you may be about to bother them in advance, even if what you're going to say is completely normal and neutral.
8. 'I'm just kidding'
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"I'm just kidding" is one of the phrases that make you seem fake even if you're just socially awkward, as it often comes across as insincere, especially when used to backtrack on something that was initially meant to be serious or to cut tension.
While some socially awkward people may use it as a way to alleviate the harshness of something they just said, others may think they are using humor to disguise criticism.
According to licensed marriage and family therapist Phil Stark, "A common instinct in many people when they feel tension is to undercut it with humor. Making a joke about a serious topic releases the tension and makes us feel more comfortable. Humor is also a way to say what you really feel without having to completely commit to it."
However, Stark states that this phrase can also be passive-aggressive, used as "a way to say how you feel without admitting how you feel," under the guise of just being a joke. So, even though it may be better to be directly honest with people, socially awkward individuals find that it is not always easy to do, and will use humor as a way to deflect tension.
9. 'I'm happy for you'
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Even if you are genuinely happy for someone, social awkwardness can make it difficult for that person to see that. They may interpret your well wishes as bitterness or jealousy, especially if you say this phrase in a monotone or awkward tone of voice that can easily be misinterpreted.
For someone misconstruing this phrase as fake, they may reason that it's actually an indicator that someone is pretending to be happy, even though they are miserable or not thrilled. But according to digital health expert Bruce Y. Lee, MD, it's important to pay attention to what someone does, not what they say.
"You can really get a sense of whether someone is truly happy by how they treat people whom they do not have to treat well. When people interact with others whom they think are equal to or lower than them, they may let their facade slip and reveal their true feelings or nature," Lee added.
The tone of this phrase is often simply just that of someone who's unsure of how to express genuine happiness without feeling uncomfortable. The other person may misunderstand the intention behind it, as social awkwardness often makes it difficult for people to express and experience normal human emotions.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
