10 Phrases That Instantly Reveal A Person’s True Intentions, According To Psychology
Don't overlook the power of subtle comments in a conversation.
panophotograph | Shutterstock.com While they might seem subtle or inconspicuous at times, our words have power. Coupled with intentional body language and specific phrases, the verbal communication we indulge in can say a lot about our character, personality, and intentions. It’s important to not just be intentional about what we’re saying to others, but to be aware of how others speak with us, as there are certain phrases that instantly reveal a person’s true intentions, according to psychology experts.
As a study published in Plos One found, feeling valued and heard in conversations is the key to unlocking healthy connections and long-lasting relationships that add value to our lives. When we miss the signs or subtle phrases that may compromise that feeling of security in our conversations, we sabotage our ability to truly connect with others, putting our own boundaries, wellbeing, and safety at risk.
Here are 10 phrases that instantly reveal a person’s true intentions, according to psychology
1. ‘No offense, but...’
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If someone disguises their hurtful comments or manipulation by suggesting it’s "brutal honesty” or “bluntness,” they’re looking for an avenue to avoid accountability, not protect someone else’s feelings.
As professor Louay Safi argues in her book “Leading with Compassion,” people committed to healthy connection lead with compassion in their conversations, always looking for opportunities to create space and empower the people around them.
When you lead a hurtful comment with a phrase like “no offense,” not only does it dismiss and invalidate a person’s response, it cultivates an atmosphere where they fail to feel valued and understood in their vulnerability — the true intention of a malicious or self-indulged person.
2. ‘Trust me’
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Especially in close relationships, like one with an intimate partner, asking for trust can be one of the phrases that instantly reveal a person’s true intentions, according to psychology experts like speaker Shane Snow. Trust is a practice that has to be embodied and perceived by others through support, intentional language, and actions — not a phrase like this that urges people to trust without context.
Whether they’re trying to convince you of something or push you to rearrange your personal boundaries, a phrase like “trust me” can be deceivingly reassuring. Let someone show you that they’re capable of earning your trust, rather than push you to adopt their perspectives or intentions at face value.
3. ‘I don’t want to hurt you’
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Someone who has your best intentions in mind, especially in a close or long-term relationship, typically won’t use a phrase like this to encourage you to think about their hurtful behaviors or future deceit.
Not only is this phrase a way for someone to avoid accountability — hoping that their warning will remove some of the responsibility they don't want to take on — it’s actively dismissive of a person’s true vulnerability and emotions in conversation.
According to a study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal, a person who fails to take accountability or uses a phrase like this to set up their future victimhood can be driven by a pathological need for validation or moral superiority. To address a person like this, ensure you’re actively communicating and setting appropriate boundaries.
4. ‘I’m just saying’
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Trying to hide from accountability through the disguise of their hurtful language, a person may reveal their true intentions by using a phrase like “I’m just saying” instead of apologizing or rewording their misguided perspectives.
Psychology expert Leon F Seltzer argues that defensiveness from an emotionally manipulative person may take many forms, from denying and dismissing other people’s responses to using phrases like this one that defend their hurtful statements. Instead of owning up to their actions, they encourage other people to adopt the shame or discomfort they feel, arguing that it’s another person’s fault for reacting in a certain way, rather than their own.
While it may seem subtle in passing conversations or heated arguments, this defensiveness and innate sense of victimhood can sabotage healthy relationships, leading to less productive communication and growing resentment.
5. ‘I’m fine’
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A phrase like “I’m fine” can be subtly convincing in passing conversations, but more often than not, it’s a way for people to camouflage their true emotions, as psychologist Margaret R Rutherford suggests, and emotionally disconnect from vulnerability and honest emotional expression.
Often recognized as a phrase with deeper meaning in many relationships and our society as a whole, the phrase “I’m fine” can encourage people to avoid truly addressing their emotions. Instead, they suppress them, leaving them to grow unacknowledged and resentful — waiting to surface later in an even more uncomfortable way.
6. ‘You wouldn’t understand’
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Especially in a relationship with someone you’re supposed to trust and feel secure with, a phrase like this can reveal someone’s true intentions and feelings about you — causing you to feel less comfortable and competent in their presence. When someone doesn’t trust you or feel confident in your intellect, they may use subtle phrases like this to demean your contributions to a conversation.
Not only is this intended to spark self-doubt in you, it supports their misguided sense of superiority. They’re showing you that they don’t view you on the same playing field as them, even if you’re in a partnership or relationship.
7. ‘You’re being dramatic’
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According to Sherri Gordon, CLC, many emotionally manipulative people rely on subtle gaslighting phrases, like this one, to invalidate another person’s emotions or response to their hurtful actions or language. Not only is it intended to convey a sense of superiority over a moment of vulnerability, highlighting their hidden need for control, it sabotages healthy connection and trust in impactful ways.
Someone with your best interests in mind will be supportive, even if it’s uncomfortable or they don’t agree with your perspective, to ensure you feel heard. People who care more about their own needs and control will do the opposite, urging you to suppress your emotions and take on the burden of responsibility for their discomfort.
8. ‘Don’t take it personally’
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Everything we do — from our interactions at work to our conversations with friends and moments of mindfulness amid the chaos of our routines — is personal. What we choose to say, not say, act on, and react to is personal.
When someone hurts you or says something dismissive only to follow it up with a phrase like this, it’s not just a means for them to avoid taking accountability, it’s a reflection of their true intentions.
It’s not your reaction or “overreaction,” as a toxic person may try to suggest, that’s encouraging them to use a phrase like this, it’s their discomfort with having open conversations and apologizing for hurtful behavior. They’d prefer to attack and dismiss your reaction to their manipulation or condescension than take accountability for their bad behavior.
9. ‘You owe me’
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Many people struggle with entitlement in their relationships, feeling like they’re “owed” something by a partner simply because of who they are. This misguided superiority sabotages the healthy balance required to connect with others, often causing disconnect and resentment that hurts everyone’s emotional wellbeing and understanding.
Camouflaging their desire for control, power, or dominance over a peer or partner — a behavior many men in relationships are prone to, according to a study published in the Discourse and Society journal — many people act on their feelings of entitlement without even realizing it themselves.
By recognizing these phrases that instantly reveal a person’s true intentions, according to psychology experts, you can look out for your own emotional well-being and set boundaries that ensure you feel not just prioritized, but heard and understood.
10. ‘You’re acting crazy’
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A gaslighter can often be subtle, even in their closest relationships, sabotaging their connections with partners with passing phrases and manipulative behaviors.
As an investigation on gaslighting from “The Monist” suggests, there’s an epidemic of disrespect that’s significantly harming people in relationships — especially women. Making them feel incompetent, crazy, or misunderstood, their partners attack their opinions and emotional expressions to avoid accountability and vulnerability.
When someone uses gaslighting phrases, it has much more to do with their own insecurities and fear of rejection than your worthiness. Consider a phrase like this a reminder that you deserve someone who uplifts and actively creates space for communication, rather than invalidates your words or emotions.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.