11 Phrases That Instantly Make You Look Smarter In Any Conversation, According To Psychology
Seeming more intelligent in conversations isn't only about confidence.
insta_photos | Shutterstock.com While social interactions can be intimating, uncomfortable, and even awkward at times, there’s always an opportunity to shift someone's perception of you when you're speaking with them. Whether you want to seem more competent, come across as more confident, or take on a leadership role, subtle body language shifts and verbal cues can go a long way. And according to psychology, there are also phrases that will instantly make you look smarter in pretty much any conversation.
Research, including one study published in journal Psychological and Cognitive Sciences, suggests we learn more from our conversations with people than we may even realize. Looking at each and every discussion you have as an opportunity to learn not only makes you appear smarter, it literally makes you smarter as well.
Here are 11 phrases that instantly make you look smarter in any conversation, according to psychology
1. ‘Let me explain myself better’
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Fostering a feeling of mutual understanding in conversations isn’t only about ensuring you know what you’re saying, but taking the time to communicate to others in ways that make sense for them. Whether you’re a leader at work explaining a project or setting boundaries in a relationship, true communication comes from being on the same page — even if it takes multiple conversations or re-worded phrases to get there.
Like psychotherapist Myron Nelson, LCPC, suggests, intentionally balancing clear verbiage and empathy in your social interactions can help you to prioritize mutual understanding.
Not only will a phrase like this encourage other people to ask questions and contextualize your arguments or emotions, it puts you both on the same team — working together towards mutual trust, compassion, or problem-solving.
2. ‘I hear you, and…’
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As a study published in Plos One suggests, feeling heard in a conversation is the key to truly connecting, finding common ground, and feeling valued by others, even if it takes conflict or compromise to get there. With a phrase like this, you can be sure other people feel heard, even when you disagree with them, allowing them to feel more comfortable and safe in conversations with you.
Of course, whether others perceive you as intelligent in social situations isn't entirely defined by what you know and what kind of confidence you portray. It has much more to do with how you make other people feel.
When someone feels secure, comfortable, and heard in your presence, they are more likely to invest time, energy, and trust in you — boosting your relationship and any shared goals you have.
3. ‘I understand where you’re coming from’
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Many of the phrases that instantly make you look smarter in any conversation revolve around feelings of shared understanding and respect. When you make an effort to support another person, make space for them to speak, and genuinely listen and show interest in what they have to say, you set yourself up to be perceived in a more positive, competent light.
While your general competence and intelligence isn’t entirely indicative of emotional intelligence and empathy, as a study published in the Marriage & Family Review suggests, it can help you to seek out more intentional and helpful interactions and connections, promoting more fulfilling feelings like mutual respect.
4. ‘Thank you for sharing’
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In social situations, expressing gratitude not only feeds into your emotional well-being and happiness, as experts from Harvard Health state, but it can also make other people feel valued and appreciated in your presence.
When you evoke positive and fulfilling emotions in others, even during emotional or high-stress conversations, you help to craft a more positive perception of yourself in the eyes of others.
While it can be uncomfortable to set boundaries or advocate space for yourself, there’s just as much power in simply expressing gratitude with phrases like this that instantly make you look smarter in any conversation, according to psychology.
5. ‘Here’s a question we should consider’
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Working together towards a common goal is a shared experience during conflicts or problem-solving discussions that genuinely bonds people and evokes feelings of understanding, shared respect, and trust.
When you point out an objective, work together to move toward it, and encourage others to challenge themselves with new perspectives and openness to differing opinions, you not only create more fulfilling and productive conversations, but a better, more comfortable relationship dynamic.
6. ‘In my experience…’
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Finding common ground in any kind of conversation often starts with shared experience. What can you relate to when you’re speaking to someone new? What shared objectives, interests, or experiences do you have with them? How can you work together to engage in a conversation that’s best suited for everyone involved?
As an article published in the Plos One journal argues, there is one fundamental element of healthy communication in any social interaction: ensuring people feel heard and understood.
When you use a phrase like this to share something personal, express your emotions, or highlight shared experiences with another person, you not only bond on a deeper level, but help others to feel more comfortable and confident in your presence. In turn, this makes you seem smarter instantly.
7. ‘I don’t know’
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When you’re more committed to being right or seemingly smarter than others in conversations, you not only sabotage what could otherwise be healthy, productive, and insightful conversations, but the fundamental trust in your relationships, as well.
Admitting when you’re wrong, taking accountability, and being open to challenging conversations where you may not know everything is not just important for growth, but ironically, for seeming smarter in the eyes of others.
When you ask questions, genuinely listen to others, and encourage yourself out of your comfort zone, people take notice.
8. ‘Tell me more about that’
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Part of ensuring that other people feel valued and heard in conversations is encouraging them to talk about themselves — something most people are excited and happy to do at all times, and especially when they’re connecting with someone. To look smarter and more competent in social interactions, it has less to do with altering other people’s perception of you with a curated image and much more to do with helping them to feel secure and comfortable in themselves.
Misunderstandings, resentment, and broken trust in relationships start in conversations where people are unwilling to actively listen, like a report from the University of Southern California suggests. However, people who commit to active listening with thoughtful questions, open body language, and specific reassuring cues, are generally perceived to be more intelligent and thoughtful than those who don’t.
So, while there are several phrases that instantly make you look smarter in any conversation, according to psychology, the key to embodying an intelligent aura is encouraging other people to take up space, talk about themselves, and share vulnerability.
9. ‘May I ask you for advice?’
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According to a study published in the Management Science journal, people who ask for help and advice from others are generally perceived to be more intelligent and competent than those who don’t. Everything is about your mindset. If you believe asking for help makes you seem “weak,” yet you’re constantly seeking external validation and praise, you only come across as insecure and isolated.
However, people who commit to a more collaborative environment — whether it’s in a social interaction or problem-solving at work — embody a more confident persona, encouraging others to trust them and view them as more intelligent than their insecure, competitive counterparts.
10. ‘Let me think about that further’
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While it might seem uncomfortable to ask for space in a conversation or to set boundaries in a conflict so you can pause to regulate your own emotions, people who are fierce self-advocates in any relationship are generally perceived to be more confident, competent, and self-aware than those who aren’t.
Whether you’re arguing with a partner or trying to solve a problem at work, asking for the space you need to gather your thoughts and self-regulate — and holding that same kind of space for others — can be beneficial for everyone involved.
11. ‘I think...’
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While it’s important to share your opinions and sometimes even politely correct someone in conversation, it’s easy to come off as offensive when you’re not sure what phrases to use to keep someone engaged and comfortable. By using I-statements such as “I think," "I believe” or “I feel,” you remove the accusatory tone from your voice, even when you’re calling someone out for their behavior or comments.
While it can be uncomfortable in tense conversations to make space for your voice, there’s power in helping other people to feel understood and valued, while still working towards a common goal. Not only do you seem smarter when you’re willing to actively make space for your own comments and emotions, other people feel more confident in your presence.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.