11 Phrases Highly Sensitive Men Use During Arguments, According To Psychology
Some people feel things more deeply than their partners.
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock Despite the tendency for men to shut down emotionally or avoid conflict, as a result of societal pressure and misguided expectations, some have grown up to be more sensitive than others. We're all sensitive about certain things, but according to psychiatrist Steven Gans, MD, some men who are highly sensitive people (HSPs) tend to harbor heightened empathy, more frequent outward expressions of emotions, and intense social stress.
There are several phrases highly sensitive men use during arguments that can be equally personally empowering and toxic for relationships, manifesting as a learned response from unmet emotional needs in childhood. While sensitive people deserve the space to express their emotions without judgment, sometimes their responses to social stress and conflict place unrealistic standards on the people in their lives.
Here are 11 phrases highly sensitive men use during arguments, according to psychology
1. 'You're just trying to hurt my feelings'
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Many highly sensitive men struggle with arguments because they take every comment, debate, or conflict as a personal attack. Even when their partners or friends are simply expressing their emotions or reasserting a boundary, they often victimize themselves without even realizing it, taking offense to someone else's acknowledgment of their toxic behavior.
Considering many highly sensitive people experience this heightened emotional experience because of a toxic relationship with their parents who may have criticized their emotions, it can be equally triggering and difficult to navigate when they feel "called out" for any kind of unfavorable behavior.
2. 'Why are you always trying to prove me wrong?'
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Many highly sensitive people were taught, by toxic parents or unfortunate family dynamics, that their emotions were inherently wrong, simply because they weren't given a comfortable space to express them.
According to a Mott Poll Report by the University of Michigan, many parents find it incredibly hard to manage their kids' difficult emotions like anger, and often recognize that they set a bad example with their own emotional regulation by demonizing uncomfortable feelings.
Even in adulthood, when these sensitive men express their emotions, they're triggered by any perceived "pushback" in an argument. They consider any questioning or concerns from a partner to be a direct attack on the validity of their emotions. Especially considering many sensitive people feed off of external validation to feel secure, this conflict can spark uncomfortable feelings and defensiveness.
3. 'I just want you to understand how I feel'
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Being hyper-sensitive can feel isolating and lonely for many people, especially men who find little emotional support and solace in their average male relationships. A survey conducted by the Survey Center on American Life reported that only 1 in 5 men have received emotional support from a male friend recently, compared to women who boast much higher rates of platonic connection.
Without this social connection helping them to feel heard and understood, many sensitive men rely on their romantic and familial relationships to get the validation they desperately need to fuel their own self-esteem. Even in arguments and conflict, everyone wants to feel understood, but highly sensitive people feel an intrinsic need to have their emotions validated.
4. 'I feel like you're shutting me out'
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Partners of sensitive men may struggle with their own inherent biases or emotional invalidation in response to their emotional expression, which can make conflict more confusing to navigate.
Feeling uncomfortable around emotions in an entirely different way, finding a common ground between a sensitive person and their less emotional counterpart can feel impossible. This can manifest as an avoidance of conflict or shutting down from expressing any emotion at all, which is equally toxic for relationships of any kind.
5. 'That's unfair'
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Many highly sensitive men struggle with criticism, even if it's intended to be constructive in their relationships. They find it difficult not to take everything personally, especially if someone else is calling out their hurtful behavior or setting clear boundaries with them.
Highly sensitive men are more likely to take on the responsibility of coping with other people's emotions, as they often act like an emotional "sponge," according to holistic healthcare practitioner Debra Rose Wilson. In conflict where other people share their own opinions or express their own emotions, this might seem "unfair" to a sensitive person who is consciously aware of their own tendency to feel and experience other people's discomfort.
6. 'I need some space'
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Even experts like licensed psychologist Barbara Field suggest that "space" in a relationship isn't always a bad thing, as many people use alone time, away from conflict and arguments, to regulate their emotions.
While intense emotions like anger could drive them away from conflicts, sometimes sensitive people just need a break to ground themselves or figure out what they need without the veil of intense emotion confusing them.
7. 'You don't get it'
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Sensitive people often work 10 times harder in every conversation to understand and empathize with other people's experiences, emotions, and situations, even if they're not getting the same in return. Knowing that people tend to live happier and healthier lives when they feel understood in social interactions, like a study published in the Journal of Research in Personality shares, sensitive people devote themselves to the practice.
However, these same sensitive people yearn to feel heard and understood like anyone else, and often don't receive the same overwhelming commitment from others. Because they feel things deeper and experience their emotions more intensely, sometimes they're simply misunderstood, as other people don't have the shared experience to relate to them.
8. 'I'm done with this conversation'
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While arguments and conflicts are a natural part of any healthy relationship, highly sensitive men may struggle to find resolutions, as they're more swept up in their partner's emotions as well as their own. Experiencing emotional distress, overstimulation, or anxiety, these sensitive people will either isolate themselves, shut down and cry, or try to dismiss the argument in general.
According to experts at Sensitive Refuge, highly sensitive men can heal from the more toxic side of their sensitivity in arguments by taking a step back in this way. By reflecting on the moment your sensitivity made the conflict too much to handle, you can acknowledge and accept it, rather than shying away from the negative experiences associated with it.
9. 'This is too much for me'
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This is one of the phrases highly sensitive men use during arguments, according to psychology, because they feel things much deeper than everyone else, even their own partners. By asking for space and expressing their internal turmoil, they can set boundaries that remind people of their sensitivity.
Even if they're not technically an "HSP," sensitive men still become overwhelmed, especially in high stakes arguments and stressful situations. They shouldn't have to suffer in silence, so this phrase can be productive for everyone involved.
10. 'I'm trying my best'
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Family therapist Haley Selarnick cites the lack of emotional insecurity as the key for couples to resolve conflict and arguments, as both parties feel safe in their relationship and partner's company to dispute and argue.
However, sensitive people might struggle with that emotional insecurity, especially as they're more often to experience anxiety, stress, and frustration when they're forced to express and empathize with emotions. Without that inherent emotional foundation and connection, or at least a constantly reassured one, they struggle with conflict more than others.
11. 'I can't help getting emotional'
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Highly sensitive people experience average emotions much more intensely than others, causing more emotional responses to stressful stimuli like anxiety, criticism, or conflict. Sometimes this results in crying, like psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron explains, which can sometimes be productive in a respectful setting, but oftentimes comes across as "a sign of weakness" that's criticized by others.
While it might be perceived that someone who cries frequently has lacking emotional control, oftentimes the opposite is true for highly sensitive people — they can't help when they're overwhelmed by someone else's emotions or a conflict becomes too overwhelming internally.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.