11 Phrases Chronic Complainers Use Often, According To Psychology
Complaining expresses frustration, but it often makes difficult situations much worse.
fizkes | Shutterstock We've all experienced being around a person who complains about everything. Whether it's a family member, friend, partner or work acquaintance, we've had to sit idly by while they whine. They likely say one of the phrases chronic complainers use often, according to psychology, never satisfied with the way their life is going.
Unfortunately, this can negatively effect both the complainer and the person forced to listen. A renowned study from Stanford University found that complaining physically damages the brain — whether it's the person complaining or the one being complained to. And while most chronic complainers don't always realize they're making a fuss, it becomes tedious and annoying to the people forced to hear it, not to mention harmful.
Here are 11 phrases chronic complainers use often, according to psychology
1. 'It's not fair'
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Understandably, people may have a lot to complain about with the cost of living at all-time highs. Surely anyone struggling will say "It's not fair" to express their frustration. However, there's a difference between saying this once in a while and saying it frequently, as chronic complainers tend to do.
They never know when to ignore their negative thinking and instead put themselves in a fairly dangerous predicament, as negative thinking can lead to depression and anxiety, according to a study from Cognitive Therapy and Research.
To avoid this, complainers need to shake that negative mindset. Whenever they find themselves thinking negative thoughts, they should try to find the positive. For example, instead of saying things aren't fair, they could say, "Yes, life is hard right now, but I'm grateful to have such a good support system."
2. 'Why does this always happen to me?'
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It's easy to feel like a victim when things tend to go wrong. Perhaps it's being late to work or experiencing a series of unlucky events. Chronic complainers will use this phrase, with a tendency on over-dramatizing their situation. They find a way to go to the extreme and often sound rude, while normal people try to be more level-headed.
As the infamous 1996 Stanford University study found, complaining increases stress and can even cause the hippocampus to shrink. Knowing this, complainers should do their best to get out of the habit. Licensed clinical social worker Robert Taibbi suggests that people need to look at the core issue of why they're complaining. Do they feel trapped? Are they stressed? What is causing them to complain and how can they alleviate those stressors?
3. 'I can't seem to catch a break'
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Most people are overworked and feel burned out as a result. In fact, according to SHRM's Employee Mental Health in 2024 Research Series, 44% of people surveyed feel emotionally drained at work. While some people may use this as an opportunity to find a better work-life balance, one of the phrases chronic complainers use often is "I can't seem to catch a break."
Though this statement might be valid, it doesn't change the fact that complaining will get you nowhere. Instead, complainers should shift that helpless thinking and channel it into something good for their mental health. After all, research from the International Journal of Nursing Studies found that taking care of oneself leads to improved well-being and an overall lower risk of mortality.
4. 'I have the worst luck ever'
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There will be times when people think they are unlucky. It might be due to financial stressors, a few things going wrong, or even showing up late. Complainers say they have bad luck, but this often allows them to avoid accountability, as this supposed bad luck could be a direct result of their actions.
Maybe they feel exhausted because they didn't get enough sleep, and because of that they didn't perform well at work. Rather than grabbing a cup of coffee or making it a point to get more rest the next night, they blame it on luck and refuse to accept responsibility for their own actions.
Instead of saying it's luck that's at fault, complainers should reflect on their actions and make better decisions. Otherwise, they will never grow or learn from their behavior.
5. 'I'm so tired of this'
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Chronic complainers often use the phrase "I'm so tired of this," especially when they feel stuck in the same cycle and patterns. It can feel overwhelming, but complaining about it won't do much good.
Even if they don't verbalize their frustration, according to family medicine resident Hannah S. Packiam, MD, even thinking negatively hurts people's physical health by raising their blood pressure, making it increasingly harder to recover from.
Rather than keeping themselves in the same patterns, complainers can address the issue first to figure out what choices they are making that keep them stuck. And if they find that there's no room to change, they may want to seek out professional help.
6. 'Things never go my way'
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Hard-working people have high hopes that their effort will get them far. Unfortunately, they are often met with the reality that no matter how hard they work, things never seem to go their way, which is a phrase chronic complainers use. But they aren't alone in this thinking.
Many people feel just as frustrated and burned out, but complaining about the problem isn't going to make someone feel better or improve the situation. That's why addressing the issue head-on and figuring out where people can put their best efforts is a win-win.
For example, if a person has been working hard, but their boss doesn't seem to notice, they should ask themselves, "Should I continue trying hard, or do I put in the effort I'm getting paid to do?" They may find that overworking themselves isn't in their best interest and can make a decision on how to move forward from there.
7. 'Nobody understands me'
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It can feel lonely in this world sometimes, especially when we're currently facing a loneliness epidemic, according to the Department of Health & Human Services. It's easy for chronic complainers to feel like nobody understands them, but this often boils down to assumption.
Many people wrongfully assume that their loved ones couldn't possibly understand what they are experiencing, and according to a study from Annals of Behavioral Medicine, feeling alone can lead to an increased risk of mortality. People who complain constantly need to realize that they aren't alone. And besides seeking professional help, they should open up to those closest to them.
Even if it starts out discussing small things, opening up is a lot better than willingly shutting down. Closing themselves off will only make their behavior worse and send them deeper into isolation.
8. 'The universe is out to get me'
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With financial stress and everyday struggles, it can feel like the universe is out to get you. And though it's a phrase chronic complainers use often — saying "The universe is out to get me" — it's merely a way of blaming their situation on other forces, instead of themselves.
It's normal to feel like life is out of control and at the mercy of a higher power, but there's a huge difference between complaining once in a while and complaining constantly. Not only has research found that humans tend to remember traumatic or negative experiences over positive ones, but it can lead to depression and anxiety, according to a study from the Journal of Neuroscience.
When things aren't going well for chronic complainers, instead of passing blame to forces beyond their control, they can seek out a support system for guidance. Though they can't control what life throws at them, they can share their vulnerabilities with loved ones or a professional to feel more connected and less alone.
9. 'This is taking forever'
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Patience is a virtue that many people don't have. We're a society set on instant gratification and, as such, whether it's waiting for a website to load or standing in line to check out, anything that inconveniences people is frustrating.
Chronic complainers tend to say "This is taking forever," no matter if they need to wait five minutes or just a few seconds. They become increasingly impatient and expect people to rush for their benefit. While it's normal to want to feel heard and understood, as a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that feeling misunderstood predicated higher stress, lower life satisfaction, and lower motivation, words are impactful and can make a situation worse for themselves and others.
10. 'Why can't I just have a normal day for once?'
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In our daily lives, we may experience disruptions every so often. Maybe it's experiencing a PR nightmare at work, kids being unnecessarily unruly at home, or a partner shirking too many responsibilities that all make life a little tougher.
Frustrated, chronic complainers rhetorically ask why they can't just have a normal day for once. But saying they never have a normal day is a bit of an exaggeration.
According to clinical psychologist Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D., "Exaggeration poisons the process of argument because it leads to emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that disrupt collaborative problem-solving. There are two main reasons: Overstatements are inaccurate, and they are usually insulting — a terrible combination."
So, when someone says they never have a good day, they focus so much on the negativity that they lose sight of what they can do to make a bad situation better. People should keep in mind that thinking in extremes is more harmful than good. By switching this complaint out with "I had a bad moment, but not a bad day," it slowly rewires the brain to think more positively.
11. 'Nobody appreciates me'
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When chronic complainers use the phrase "Nobody appreciates me," it may be a response to co-workers or bosses overlooking their hard work, or even their family not pitching in at home. But saying this is unproductive, whereas respectfully confronting someone about their lack of appreciation may be a better route to take.
If someone truly feels as if those around them don't appreciate them, it's important to sit down and talk to them with respect but honestly. They can use "I" statements, such as "I don't feel understood because I feel...," as these tend to be effective and a great tool for people to express themselves.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.