11 Phrases Brilliant People Use When Someone Tries To Guilt Trip Them
Setting boundaries and demanding respect starts with confidence.
Kseniya Ivanova | Shutterstock Many people battling insecurities, a misguided sense of superiority, or even narcissistic tendencies actively avoid taking responsibility for their hurtful comments and mistakes to gain control over their conversations and relationships. According to psychologist Lynn Margolies, these same people tend to leverage the kindness, empathy, and emotional instability of others to get what they want, understanding that people with vague boundaries and lacking self-esteem are more likely to put their own needs aside.
Instead of falling victim to blame-shifting and lacking accountability, try utilizing some of the phrases brilliant people use when someone tries to guilt trip them. Whether it’s a romantic relationship, a platonic connection, or an interaction with a passing stranger, finding ways to demand respect and re-assert your boundaries can ensure your emotional well-being and relationships are protected from manipulation.
Here are 11 phrases brilliant people use when someone tries to guilt-trip them:
1. ‘I understand that you’re upset, but I’m not changing my mind’
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Social worker Liza Gold argues that guilt-tripping is an intentional form of manipulation focused on invalidating other people’s emotions to induce a sense of shame, embarrassment, or guilt. By leveraging the discomfort of these emotions, narcissistic and manipulative people can urge people to disregard their feelings to serve them better.
By reasserting your boundaries and exemplifying a sense of confidence against this behavior, you can remind toxic people in your life that you don’t tolerate disrespect or manipulation. You won’t be taken advantage of or made to feel unnecessarily guilty.
2. ‘I need to prioritize my own wellbeing’
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According to clinical psychologist Karin Gepp, people who tend to fall victim to guilt-tripping behaviors and manipulation are those who struggle to advocate, communicate, and express their needs and emotions. Without the faculties or emotional intelligence to set clear boundaries or recognize when the discomfort they’re experiencing is a manipulative tactic, they fall victim to supporting narcissistic behavior at the expense of their well-being.
To fend off this behavior and better safeguard your emotional well-being, find ways to call this behavior out directly when you recognize it. While it might seem simple, reminding toxic people that you’re not willing to set your needs aside for their demands can be enough to ward off manipulation.
3. ‘Your feelings are valid, but I can’t meet your expectations’
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Being direct and setting clear boundaries doesn’t have to be an entirely negative or assertive conversation; it can be equally effective when empathy and compassion are prioritized. Communicate that you’re willing to respect other people’s decisions and choices, even in the face of their intentional maliciousness, while reminding them that you expect the same in return.
If they’re not receptive to your discussion or respectful of your boundaries, figure out the best path forward — taking space, ending a relationship, or finding a healthy avenue for honest communication not centered around an imbalanced power dynamic.
4. ‘I won’t be manipulated by guilt’
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Professor and researcher Bruce Y. Lee argues that a person’s guilt-tripping tactics often revolve around a desire to disorient and confuse another’s perception of reality, urging them to take on anxious and uncomfortable thoughts that strip away their boundaries and confidence. By misusing trusted information, emotions, and conversations to manipulate the people in their lives further, narcissists often latch onto people they’re sure will give them what they want without question or conflict.
To differentiate yourself as a narcissist’s target victim, it’s crucial to leverage your self-esteem and confidence. If you communicate your boundaries and confidently express your expectations, they’ll probably consider you too strong-willed to guilt-trip and back away or distance themselves.
5. ‘I can’t please everyone, and that’s okay’
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While many overtly empathetic people, especially those with people-pleasing tendencies, often overextend themselves to appease narcissistic and manipulative people, confident people are self-assured enough to realize that they can’t please everyone. Sometimes, being likable or charming to the wrong kinds of people — like someone prone to taking advantage of you — isn’t always a healthy and productive way to form bonds.
By recognizing your humanity — that not everyone will mesh with or like you — and setting clear boundaries with the behavior and people you surround yourself with, you ensure that you’re not putting your health and well-being at risk for people who don’t value you.
6. ‘Let’s agree to disagree on this’
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According to psychology expert Kendra Cherry, guilt-trippers tend to shift blame and avoid accountability by urging others to take on the burdens of their hurtful behavior or comments. Using phrases like “If you loved me, you’d do this” or “It’s all your fault,” manipulative people find ways to undermine other people’s confidence for their gain.
To protect yourself from this kind of manipulation, using phrases brilliant people use when someone tries to guilt trip them, ensure you maintain a calm, cool, and collected demeanor — relying on your confidence, internally and externally, to prove your boundaries and expectations.
7. ‘I expect people to treat me with more respect’
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According to wellness expert Dr. Tomi Mitchell, authenticity and genuineness are often expressed through a person’s actions. When people have confidence and a desire for respect in their relationships, their actions and communication exemplify those expectations. Instead of waiting for the right person to advocate for their respect, well-being, and happiness, craft boundaries as your self-advocate.
While it might be uncomfortable to confront a manipulator who is used to getting what they want, it will ultimately protect your well-being.
8. ‘I’m not responsible for your feelings about my choices’
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Experts from Heartfelt Online Therapy argue that while we might have the power to influence another person’s emotions and feelings, we shouldn’t feel obligated to take responsibility for another person’s emotional well-being. We can apologize for our mistakes and find ways to support the people in our lives, but at the end of the day, we should prioritize our emotional health and wellbeing.
When other people’s manipulation urges us to take accountability for their emotions and insecurities, that’s a sign to take a step back. The healthiest people in our lives will cultivate space for a supportive atmosphere rather than a blame-filled one where people feel guilty for not putting their own needs to the side.
9. ‘I respect your perspective, but I have to stay true to my boundaries’
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By demanding respect from others while offering support and empathy, you can advocate for your boundaries without sabotaging a conversation's productivity. Of course, you don’t need to explain or apologize for your boundaries, but reminding other people that they have the power to take accountability for their own lives can be a perfect way to indirectly dismiss guilt-tripping behaviors.
10. ‘I’m not going to disregard my needs for your sake’
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The manipulation many guilt-trippers utilize to get their way is reliant on the insecurity and people-pleasing tendencies of their victims. When you remind people in your life that you’re not afraid to set boundaries and advocate for your best interests, you set yourself apart from the insecure targets narcissists generally lean toward.
Even if it’s just an interruption in a conversation, which a 2019 study argues is a clear sign that someone doesn’t respect you, find ways to remind people that you expect to feel heard and valued — even when it’s uncomfortable or awkward.
11. ‘I need you to respect my choices’
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Relationships are founded on trust, communication, and respect. When your partner or friend isn’t willing to open up conversations about your needs, respect your boundaries, or offer you unconditional love and support, they’re probably not as healthy as they should be.
Using one of the phrases brilliant people use when someone tries to guilt-trip them can be powerful for setting clear expectations and ensuring that one's relationships align with one's needs and desires.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.