11 Phrases Brilliant People Use To Validate Someone They Don’t Agree With
You can disagree with someone with alienating either of you.
LightField Studios / Shutterstock Part of being in relationship with other people is being faced with opinions and viewpoints you disagree with. It’s easy to dismiss the way other people think and feel when you don’t think or feel the same way. It takes much more effort to understand and affirm people you disagree with.
The phrases brilliant people use to validate someone they don’t agree with are full of generosity, patience, and compassion. Brilliant people aim to be kind and understanding, even when their perspectives are wildly different from someone else’s. They focus on building respectful relationships, which are rooted in emotional validation, even with people they disagree with.
As Corinne Bendersky, Professor of Management and Organizations at the UCLA Anderson School of Management explains, "Negotiations 101 teaches us to find something that is valuable to our opponents yet not costly for us to concede in order to encourage concessions from our opponent."
Here are 11 phrases brilliant people use to validate someone they don’t agree with:
1. ‘I respect where you’re coming from, but I see things from a different angle’
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The first phrase brilliant people use to validate someone they don’t agree with is “I respect where you’re coming from, but I see things from a different angle.” This phrase demonstrates that it’s possible to maintain your own perspective while respectfully acknowledging what someone else thinks.
Therapist Brittney Cobb shared how to offer validation without agreement, explaining that this process “requires stepping outside your own opinions and genuinely acknowledging their experience as real and important to them.”
“This can be incredibly hard because our natural instinct is often to correct, defend, or convince when we disagree. It feels vulnerable to set aside our need to be ‘right’ and instead focus on connection,” she explained. “Yet, offering this kind of validation can build trust and understanding, showing that you value the person more than the argument. It’s not about surrendering your beliefs but about making space for theirs too.”
Vulnerability can be challenging, especially when you’re talking to someone whose views differ from yours. Yet by opening up and extending a level of understanding to that person, you create connection, which is a crucial part of seeing other people’s humanity.
2. ‘Thank you for sharing your perspective’
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Another phrase brilliant people use to validate someone they don’t agree with is, “Thank you for sharing your perspective.” This phrase is neutral but respectful. By using this phrase, you’re not shouting them down or countering with your own opinion, which can create conflict. You’re not saying their beliefs are right or wrong, you’re just thanking them for sharing their thoughts with you.
This phrase comes from a place of mutual respect rather than a place of judgment. Your initial instinct might be to outline exactly why you disagree with the other person, point by point, but that’s the less compassionate approach to any conversation.
As Cobb pointed out, “practicing this skill helps you build empathy and patience, but it doesn’t happen overnight. You may slip up, feel frustrated, or struggle to balance validation with your own boundaries.”
“The more you practice, though, the easier it becomes to separate understanding someone from needing to agree with them, and the more natural it feels to approach conversations with compassion,” she concluded.
It’s one thing to have empathy and another thing to put empathy into action, which is exactly what validating someone you don’t agree with does.
3. ‘Your experience is valid, even though my experience doesn’t look like yours’
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The phrase, “Your experience is valid, even though my experience doesn’t look like yours,” is one that brilliant people use to validate someone they don’t agree with. Acknowledging other people’s core humanity, even if their lived experience doesn’t line up with yours, is an emotionally attuned and gracious response.
Other people’s daily realities and emotional experiences aren’t up for debate, as therapist Jeff Geunther explained.
“What happened to you was real and it doesn't matter if somebody else believes it or not,” he said. “If you went through something traumatic, something that had a powerful effect on you, but somebody or a group of somebody’s deny your experience or tell you that you’re making too big a deal about it… I’m here to let you know that they don’t have the power to determine what’s true or not.”
“They don’t get to decide whether or not your emotional experience was valid,” Geunther said.
Casting judgment on the validity of someone else’s experience dismisses their innate worth and denies them a common humanity. It creates a rupture, while validating their experience underscores the common humanity we all share.
4. ‘Your feelings make sense’
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A phrase brilliant people use to validate someone they don’t agree with is, “Your feelings make sense.” Using this phrase demonstrates emotional maturity while expressing understanding. It’s a timeless, tried-and-true way to offer someone emotional validation, even when you disagree.
Psychologist Guy Winch shared the requirements for emotional validation, while revealing why validation can be so hard to get right. He noted that during tense, emotionally heightened conversations, we “typically respond with defensiveness, justifications, and counterattacks in such situations — all of which make the other person far less receptive to what we have to say.”
“We believe that if we convey that we get why they feel the way they do, we're basically admitting to wrongdoing on our part. This is not true. We can convey we get their perspective while still maintaining ours,” he explained.
“In order to validate someone's feelings we first have to gain a clear understanding of what their feelings are by giving them the space and time to express themselves,” Winch pointed out.
While the importance of listening without interrupting can’t be understated, that's not where the act of emotional validation ends.
Winch noted that the person listening then has to “give [themselves] the space and time to understand their emotional experience by asking for clarifications and elaborations or posing open-ended questions to get more information.”
At its core, emotional validation is about letting another person feel seen and understood, which is why saying something simple, gentle, and nonjudgmental, like, “Your feelings make sense” is so brilliant.
5. ‘Our views might not align perfectly, but I can tell how much this matters to you’
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Brilliant people use the phrase, “Our views might not align perfectly, but I can tell how much this matters to you.” Using this phrase is a way to show empathic support while being straight-forward. It outright acknowledges that you see things differently from the person you’re talking to, but it doesn’t cut them down for what they believe.
Using this phrase demonstrates a depth of emotional intelligence. It keeps the avenues of conversation open in a constructive, thoughtful way.
Maureen Salamon, Executive Editor of Harvard Women's Health Watch, described validation as a method for navigating intense emotions and charged situations. Validating someone builds a foundation of trust. It allows the other person to feel supported, even when you don’t agree with them, which is ultimately what we all hope for: The feeling of being seen by the people around us.
6. ‘I value how much thought you’ve put into this’
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Brilliant people use the phrase, “I value how much thought you’ve put into this,” to validate someone they don’t agree with. This phrase is a shining example of how to effectively communicate with someone when your point of view doesn't line up with theirs. It highlights how to listen without dismissing the other person, which is a common defense mechanism in difficult conversations.
Using this phrase shows that you’re truly listening to what the other person is saying, instead of tuning them out because you don’t agree. As YourTango Expert Dr. Barbara Winter explained, “There's nothing more vital than good communication skills, and couples who can communicate effectively know how to do one thing: listen.”
While her guidance focused on communication within romantic relationships, the insight she offered can be applied to any relationship. She pointed out how common it is to put up walls when having hard conversations, noting that all too often, “people listen to respond, not listen to listen.”
“People want to be heard, but within that context, so does the person from whom they are receiving,” Dr. Winter concluded. Giving your full attention to someone you don’t agree with is the foundation for validation.
7. ‘I understand why you might feel this way’
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“I understand why you might feel this way,” is a phrase brilliant people use to validate someone they don’t agree with. It’s an empathic response that shows a commitment to building bridges rather than burning them down.
Having compassion for people’s feelings when we don’t agree with them isn’t easy, but it’s a way to lift them up instead of holding them down. This phrase does just that, while maintaining your boundaries and the validity of your own feelings. You’re not saying “I understand and I agree,” you’re just saying, “I understand,” and that's what matters most.
8. ‘I admire how passionate you are about this issue, even if I disagree’
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Another phrase brilliant people use to validate someone they don’t agree with is by saying “I admire how passionate you are about this issue, even if I disagree.” Using this phrase allows for acknowledgement without agreement. It’s honest and straightforward, and it allows both people to remain true to their most authentic selves.
As life and business coach Jacqueline Neuwirth shared, “The cornerstones of stepping into your authentic self are knowing your core values and cultivating your purpose: The primary driving force that ignites you. There’s an unmistakable power in knowing and being your real self.”
9. ‘It’s helpful to hear a perspective that challenges my way of thinking’
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Brilliant people use the phrase, “It’s helpful to hear a perspective that challenges my way of thinking,” to validate someone they don’t agree with. This phrase emphasizes their desire to connect and remain in conversation with the other person, despite their differences. It demonstrates respect and open-mindedness. Most importantly, using this phrase exemplifies a practice of true gratitude.
Having gratitude for the harder parts of life, like holding space for someone you don’t agree with, is such a valuable emotional skill to cultivate. Being thankful for difficult things puts gratitude into a living, breathing practice, which expands our capacity to understand other people.
10. ‘I value this conversation, even though we see things differently’
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“I value this conversation, even though we see things differently,” is a phrase brilliant people use to validate someone they don’t agree with. It’s the textbook version of validation: It even has the word “value” right there, at the start of the sentence.
Using this phrase is a clear-cut way to share your appreciation for hearing perspectives that differ from your own. It encourages open dialogue and honest communication. While those two things aren’t always easy to maintain, they’re an essential aspect of being in relationships with all people.
11. ‘You’ve given me a lot to think about’
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Brilliant people use the phrase, “You’ve given me a lot to think about,” to validate someone they don’t agree with. Using this phrase shows how open-minded they are. It implies that they’re going to consider what the other person is saying, instead of shutting them out in an instant, just because they can.
Underneath everything, we want to feel like we belong, like we’re loved and respected. We all come from different backgrounds and histories, which all warrant validation.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.