11 Phrases Brilliant People Use To Protect Themselves From A Manipulator

While self-awareness and emotional intelligence are generally sought after and highly respected traits, research, like a study from SAGE Open, suggests there's a dark side to their power in relationships and conversations. Many people who consistently emotionally manipulate others — weaponizing behaviors like gaslighting and blame-shifting to get what they want from others — tend to also be emotionally intelligent, able to pick up on the insecurities and anxieties of others and play into them.

Recognizing their subtly manipulative behaviors and language can be incredibly difficult, especially in an already established relationship, but once you acknowledge them, you're able to set boundaries and craft a healthier path forward. Many of the phrases brilliant people use to protect themselves from a manipulator directly call out their behaviors, advocating for themselves in a way that reminds a toxic person they're not ignorant to their selfish ploys and tactics.

Here are 11 phrases brilliant people use to protect themselves from a manipulator

1. 'You could use a reality check'

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According to a study published in Personality and Individual Differences, emotional manipulation often revolves around taking advantage of others for personal gain — weaponizing, dismissing, invalidating, or altering another person's emotions to get what they want.

While it's a common trait in people with narcissistic tendencies, it can also be a more subconscious behavior in people struggling with their own emotional turmoil, anxiety, or insecurity.

By using a phrase like this, a person combating emotional manipulation can better set boundaries and call out toxic behavior in a person like the latter, shining a light on the toxicity of someone who may not even be intentionally harming others. Nobody can be a perfect person in every aspect of their lives — we all need a reality check from time to time.

2. 'Some people might tolerate this kind of behavior, but I don't'

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The biggest difference between emotional manipulation and setting boundaries is respect, according to licensed social worker Hannah Owens, which is why advocating for yourself is so important in the face of a manipulator.

Many of the phrases brilliant people use to protect themselves from a manipulator revolve around respect — specifically self-respect — and setting intentional boundaries that simultaneously communicate their needs and protect their emotional well-being.

While it's often uncomfortable to stand up in the face of a manipulator, who will do anything it takes to victimize themselves and shift blame, it's necessary to ensure you're not being taken advantage of.

3. 'I don't appreciate you speaking to me that way'

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Many brilliant people, who advocate for themselves in the face of emotional manipulation, aren't afraid to set boundaries and use phrases like this in conversations, whether it's with a partner in their personal life or a toxic manager at work.

Considering many manipulators and narcissistic people tend to pry specifically on insecure and vulnerable people who are easier to spark self-doubt within, the brilliant phrases people use to protect themselves from a manipulator are intended to convey confidence and security.

The victimhood, gaslighting, and manipulation that toxic people rely on only works when it best weaponizes other people's weakest points, according to experts from Charlie Health, so combatting these behaviors means finding the strength within yourself to advocate and firmly set boundaries.

4. 'No'

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Confidence coach and hypnotherapist Michele Molitor argues that responding to emotional manipulation with anger or aggression isn't always the best option. Rather than retreating down to their level with a petty remark or assumption — feeding into their willingness to adopt a misguided victimhood and blame-shifting tendencies — a statement like "no" communicates your needs without any extra effort or explanation.

Setting a boundary doesn't always have to mean endless hours of conversation and emotional investment — it can be a simple word or phrase. Everyone deserves respect and empathy, but if they're actively hurting or intentionally disrespecting you in a conversation, you don't owe them anything more than this.

5. 'Not everything revolves around you'

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According to therapist Janet Brito, one of the most common manipulative behaviors of a toxic person is their reliance on chronic victimhood. Regardless of the situation, conversation, or context, they'll find a way to seek attention or gain your sympathy, even if you're the one looking for validation or support.

By using a phrase like this, brilliant people give emotional manipulators a reality check, urging them to step into a more empathetic mindset and consider how their language, actions, and behaviors are truly harming others.

6. 'Your opinion isn't the only one that matters'

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Constant competition can also be another sign of an emotional manipulator. To feed their own insecurities and maintain superiority in their relationships, a manipulator may cope with their envy by criticizing you, dismissing your accomplishments, or even interrupting in a conversation.

To combat this all-consuming energy, one of the phrases brilliant people use to protect themselves from a manipulator is aimed at leveling the playing field, reminding a manipulator of the respect, space, and attention they deserve in conversations and social interactions.

Especially in spaces like the workplace, already rigged with a hierarchical structure, it's important to find subtle ways to advocate for yourself to ensure you're being respected and listened to.

7. 'Your arrogance is noted, but not respected'

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While everyone has some capacity for arrogance in their life, according to a study from the Review of General Psychology, many emotional manipulators express it to another level, letting their need for superiority manifest in uncomfortable and inauthentic ways.

By gaslighting other people into doubting themselves and encouraging people to overlook their own needs to help them, emotionally manipulative people take advantage of others without concern.

By using a phrase like this to subtly point out this arrogance, manipulators can be reminded that what they perceive to be assertiveness or even confidence isn't achieving what they'd hoped it would. Truly confident people use phrases like this to set boundaries and healthily interact with others, while manipulators lead only with their best interests in mind.

8. 'Humility goes a long way'

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Many people who manipulate others willfully operate from a place of insecurity, trying to seek out control and feign misguided confidence to cope with their internal struggles. By using a brilliant phrase like this one, you not only hopefully spark self-reflection in someone who's hurting you, but encourage them to unlearn their facade and be more grounded and self-aware in their conversations.

Of course, it's important to recognize that misguided humility can also be a sign of emotional manipulation, where people pretend to be humble and overly receptive to other people's needs to appease their anxieties and encourage them to trust willfully.

9. 'You will not disrespect me, if I can help it'

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Just like every person who has manipulative tendencies isn't a bad person, not everyone who disrespects you has malicious intentions, but it's still important to call out disrespectful behavior to advocate for yourself. Building the most fulfilling and healthy relationships starts with being able to communicate our conversational expectations and boundaries, even when it's uncomfortable.

The phrases brilliant people use to protect themselves from a manipulator, like this one, may not be overly empathetic towards another, but it's just as impactful for crafting a healthier relationship. Whether that relationship is with a manipulator or with yourself is another discussion, taking steps to receive the respect you deserve is important nonetheless.

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10. 'Nobody deserves to be treated the way you treat me'

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It's no secret that hurt people hurt people, but in the face of a manipulator's toxic behavior, it can be hard to remember that their tendencies stem from a place of anxiety, insecurity, or trauma.

However, by using a phrase like this, that gives an unintentionally harmful manipulator a chance to reflect on their behaviors and attitude in a relationship, there's a good chance they'll take this as an opportunity to apologize and take accountability.

Unless you're dealing with a narcissistic manipulator, who's willing to weaponize your emotions and intentionally sabotage your wellbeing for their own gain, reminding this person that they're actively hurting you can be a great first step to building a healthier dynamic and relationship.

If they respond negatively to this phrase, don't be afraid to remove yourself from the situation. Oftentimes, the inability to take accountability that manipulators struggle with is a reflection of their lack of emotional regulation skills. Sometimes, there's no reason to stick around and try to cope with their unruly outbursts.

11. 'When you're ready to communicate like an adult, we can return to this conversation'

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When you're in the middle of a heated argument or feeling overly offended and overwhelmed by someone's hurtful behavior, it can be difficult to truly set an effective boundary or advocate for yourself.

According to a study from Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, taking space and leveraging our alone time can ensure we're interacting and conversing with other people in a healthy way. Whether they're unpacking someone else's behavior, regulating their own emotions, or reflecting on a conversation, this is one of the phrases brilliant people use to protect themselves from a manipulator.

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.