11 Phrases Brilliant People Use To Politely Tell Someone They're Wrong
Some might be slightly awkward, but these conversations don't have to be confrontational or anxiety-inducing.
Ollyy | Shutterstock.com The key to being polite, even in an uncomfortable situation like an argument at work or in your relationship, is a commitment to leading with empathy. Even when you’re breaking hard news or confronting someone, there are ways to approach every conversation from a more graceful and kind perspective in which everyone feels heard, understood, and valued.
There are certain phrases brilliant people use to politely tell someone they’re wrong that not only address the problem, but that can foster more positive, productive conversations. Don’t underestimate the power of making someone feel heard, as research shows it’s the key to forming stable, healthy, and empowering social connections.
Here are 11 phrases brilliant people use to politely tell someone they’re wrong
1. ‘I see where you’re coming from, but this is what I think’
Cast Of Thousands | Shutterstock.com
Author and hostage negotiator Derek Gaunt argues that “tactical empathy” — the ability to understand where someone is coming from rather than strictly agreeing or disagreeing — is the key to navigating situations where you may feel the need to tell someone they’re wrong.
Instead of saying it bluntly and putting them on the defensive, consider leading with compassion and finding ways to empathize with them and consider alternative ideas, perspectives, and routes to success.
The first part of this phrase ensures someone feels respected, while the second uses an “I” statement to refocus the conversation on new ideas. It’s not only collaborative, but it ensures everyone feels heard without judgement or unnecessary critique.
2. ‘I think you might be mistaken’
BongkarnGraphic | Shutterstock.com
Feeling understood starts with conversations founded on honesty, trust, and respect. When we take away someone’s ability to speak their mind, explain their thoughts, and argue with others in a respectful way, we’re taking away their right to feel respected and appreciated — whether it’s in a personal relationship or at work.
Even when we’re working or navigating a high-pressure conflict, we’re typically conversing with someone we have some kind of relationship with.
By using empathetic language and leading with compassion when you disagree, you can ensure you’re not sabotaging the well-being of your relationship simply to be right, in control, or misguidedly superior.
3. ‘This is how I understood it’
Fizkes | Shutterstock.com
Directly disagreeing with someone’s ideas and opinions often causes defensiveness or hostility in conversations, especially in high-pressure situations and conflicts. By shifting small bits of your language and working toward a more collaborative environment for conflict resolution, everyone can feel heard without the pressure of a strictly “black and white” argument.
By using “I” statements that center your experience and opinions in conversations like these, you can politely disagree with someone and tell them they’re wrong without actually using those words.
Consider this phrase or others like “I think there may be some confusion on my end” to offer space for further discussion and collaboration that’s not inherently confrontational.
4. ‘Let’s find a time to chat more about this’
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock.com
Especially in passing moments or during a conflict, it can be difficult to address a larger misunderstanding without more time for open communication or honesty.
By taking space and planning a time to come back to a conversation, both people not only have time to address their own perspectives and emotions, but find the confidence to come back to a discussion where they’re equally comfortable and confident in their responses.
Leadership coach Dean Crisp stated that empathy can go a long way in easing tension associated with high-pressure conversations, from the workplace to a conflict with a partner at home. Taking active space to let someone consider different perspectives and address their emotions not only makes space for a more comfortable atmosphere, but provides grace when people need it most.
5. ‘Have you considered another perspective?’
Fizkes | Shutterstock.com
It’s only human nature to feel drawn toward over-explanation and a commitment to your own ideas. We want other people to give us space to feel heard and understood, even when we’re not necessarily right about a certain situation.
By using this phrase brilliant people use to politely tell someone they’re wrong, you can ensure people feel valued while still opening discussion about the best path forward, whether it’s at work or at home.
Experts from the University of Colorado Boulder agree that active listening is important when speaking with people who have different beliefs and perspectives. You ensure they feel heard and comfortable, while also sneaking in other phrases like this that can challenge a person’s understanding without seeming overly malicious or confrontational.
6. ‘I respect your opinion, but I disagree’
Ground Picture | Shutterstock.com
Even when you disagree with someone, that doesn’t take away our power to listen, empathize, and comfort the person we’re talking to. Making someone feel embarrassed for being “wrong” or sharing an opposing viewpoint only creates a disconnect that sabotages healthy conflict resolution and problem-solving, so ensuring you’re leading with empathy is key in these scenarios.
Leadership coach David Burkus suggests starting with active listening, but integrating other tactics like challenging assumptions, rather than beliefs, to ensure you’re working towards a compromise rather than simply accepting everything over fear of conflict.
Ask questions, rather than ask for advice, to ensure you understand what they’re saying, and use that information to figure out the best way forward.
7. ‘If you’re open to it, I’d love to share my viewpoint’
ESB Basic | Shutterstock.com
There’s ways to disagree with someone without inherently criticizing or judging them. Especially in long-term relationships and professional conversations at work, trying to maintain a level of control with a “I’m right, you’re wrong” mentality only shuts people down and discourages them from speaking their mind and contributing to a collaborative conversation.
Instead, open with a phrase like this that not only gives the person you’re talking to some autonomy over the direction of the conversation, but doesn’t negatively attack their viewpoint or belief with a simple, but unproductive, “You’re wrong.”
8. ‘This has been my experience’
Perfect Wave | Shutterstock.com
Not everything we discuss at home and work is inherently black or white, meaning we’re all bringing our experiences, perspectives, and individual preferences to conversations that can be difficult to simply argue.
Instead, healthy conversation ensures everyone has a chance to discuss their experience, leading to a compromise that’s collaborative, productive, and fulfilling for everyone.
If we approach every conversation looking for an avenue to tell someone they’re wrong, especially for simply sharing their experiences, we’re only sabotaging our leadership abilities, connection, and trust with the other person. Instead, find ways to reflect on common ground and empathize the power of shared experience by sharing your own truth.
9. ‘I think there’s a different approach that could help us yield better results’
Zamrznuti tonovi | Shutterstock.com
Especially in a collaborative professional setting, finding ways to leverage compromise and teamwork can be empowering for everyone involved — ensuring nobody feels left out, misunderstood, or unappreciated in conversations.
By using language like “we” and “us” while working towards a solution or common goal, everyone feels valued in conversation, even if there’s a best way forward.
According to experts from Magellan Behavioral Health, dealing with a conflict starts with respect. Make sure everyone you’re talking to feels appreciated before you start workshopping their ideas and challenging their arguments with thoughtful questions.
10. ‘Let’s find our common ground’
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock.com
Speaker and activist John Graham says that negotiation is often the key to productive conflict-resolution and the driver behind finding common ground. From a larger societal level down to our personal relationships, finding ways to solve problems as a team, rather than at the expense of someone else’s ideas, will always be more productive for a relationship.
Even if it’s difficult, commit to finding even a singular opinion or perspective that you agree upon.
For example, “Clearly, we both agree that we want to end up here, rather than here, so let’s start from there.” Even using something like, “We both want this relationship to work, so what does that look like for each of us?” can be empowering in personal relationships.
Find ways to let your partner, peer, or friend feel heard without confronting them directly about an idea you disagree with.
11. ‘I’d love to consider approaching this problem from a different angle’
insta_photos | Shutterstock.com
Even if you actively disagree with someone’s perspective or ideas, there’s not a ton of productive conversation and problem solving that comes from challenging someone’s creativity or innovation. Instead, find ways to frame the phrases brilliant people use to politely tell someone they’re wrong to collaboratively come to a new agreement or strategy.
By ensuring people feel like a part of the solutions process, rather than a burden to conflict-resolution, you can come up with new ideas together, rather than trying to challenge someone else’s thought process or opinions.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.