11 Phrases Brilliant People Use To Politely Humiliate Someone
Not every invalidating or hurtful comment has to be met with sheer empathy.
Leszek Glasner | Shutterstock While grace and empathy can be steadfast ways to combat criticism, a generally negative and unpleasant element of flawed communication, according to a 2020 study, there are some conflicts that can't be successfully managed without a bit of rebuttal. Without overly investing themselves or taking part in a negative person's victim mentality, there are certain phrases brilliant people use to politely humiliate someone.
Call it confidence or re-asserting their boundaries, but sometimes narcissistic and generally negative people need to be reminded by brilliant people of the respect and decency they expect in conversations. If they respond apologetically, you have the space to connect again, but if they're equally offended by your rebuttal, it might be time to start creating some distance.
Here are 11 phrases brilliant people use to politely humiliate someone
1. 'Don't waste your time criticizing my life, focus on yours'
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Experts like clinical social worker Danielle Wade argue that criticism from others, especially on a consistent basis, is less of a personal attack on you, and more ingrained into the perpetrator's self-esteem, insecurity, and sometimes narcissistic tendencies. They're motivated to assert their own power and superiority by bringing others down, even at the expense of their relationships and connections.
Often projecting their own insecurities onto you, responding to unnecessary criticism with a phrase like this will not only humble and humiliate a perpetrator of negativity, but urge them to look inward and address their own struggles.
2. 'You speak negatively about others, because if you spoke about yourself, nobody would care'
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While reacting to unnecessary criticism and malicious judgement with anger is only part of our human nature, as a PLOS One study explains, there's power in redirecting negative energy as well.
By responding to negativity with one of the phrases brilliant people use to politely humiliate someone, like this one, you take back your autonomy in harmful conversations, redirecting perpetrators back towards their own insecurities and away from attacking you.
3. 'That was impressive, but let's not get ahead of ourselves'
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Clinical social worker Erica Cramer suggests that leading with empathy in the face of negativity still has its perks, even embedded in some of the phrases brilliant people use to politely humiliate someone. People hurt others and tear people down in conversations to compensate for their own internal turmoil, so finding ways to show them grace, while still holding them accountable, can be the perfect balance in a conversation with someone you have a close relationship with.
Even in the workplace, a phrase like this can help you to recognize someone who's done hard work, while still addressing their impulsivity or arrogance.
4. 'You seem really offended and uncomfortable'
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It's easy to react to criticism with uncomfortable emotions like embarrassment, like the PLOS One study suggests, but that discomfort often manifests itself as defensiveness or confrontation if we're not careful with addressing it.
It's okay to feel embarrassed — the truth is, most perpetrators of negativity are projecting their one discomfort on others to feel better about themselves — but reacting with a phrase like this can force them to confront their projections.
5. 'Does making fun of other people help your confidence?'
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A study published by Personality and Individual Differences found that many people with narcissistic tendencies overuse humor and passive-aggressive jokes to subtly sabotage other people's confidence or security in conversations, making themselves feel misguidedly more comfortable and superior.
By pointing out their active projection of discomfort or feelings of inferiority with a phrase like this, you can set a clear boundary about the kind of respect you expect from others in conversation, calling attention to their rudeness and intentionally malicious comments without overly investing yourself in their drama.
6. 'We can resume this conversation when you're ready to communicate like an adult'
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If empathy — trying to understand where they're coming from — isn't working, brilliant people use phrases like this to politely humiliate someone. Open communication should be a pillar of any relationship, but when one person isn't committed to kind language, active listening or, at the very least, welcoming body language, there's an aura of disrespect that's hard to shake.
You deserve someone's full attention, and if they're consistently not giving it to you, consider setting boundaries around your conversations.
7. 'Envy is a sickness. Get well soon'
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According to psychotherapist Ivy Kwong, LMFT, there's a big difference between envy and jealousy, despite their tendency to be used interchangeably in conversations and online discourse. Jealousy is a person's anxiety about losing something; they may be worried over a partner's new friends, worried they're going to lose their relationship or quality time. However, envy is a person's desire to possess something (a trait, object, or even person) that someone else already has.
While jealousy and envy are both often characterized by a person's internal struggles, desires, and insecurities, envy tends to be more malicious, as it's an active desire to take something from another person. Even if it's a trait like empathy, an envious person may work to invalidate that trait in someone else to make themselves feel better or to look more empathetic.
By pointing out hurtful or invalidating comments from an envious person, you not only call light to their insecurities and projections, you politely humiliate them in ways that can set boundaries around respect in conversations.
8. 'I expect more respect from my relationships'
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Boundaries give you control over your conversations and relationships. They're not intended to police another person's thoughts, actions, or comments, like therapist Kate O'Brien suggests, but they do cultivate space for you to create distance between yourself and people who don't make you feel heard or valued.
A phrase like "I expect more respect from my relationships" can be an incredibly polite way to re-assert boundaries with someone who's actively trying to hurt you, invalidate your feelings, or assert their own misguided superiority in conversation.
9. 'You seem to be struggling with not immediately getting your way'
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Mental health expert Jamie Cannon argues that "chronic manipulators" will do anything, even sacrifice their relationships or their own emotional well-being, to get their way. When someone jeopardizes their image, superiority, or charisma in conversation, even just by being themselves, these manipulators take offense, often using hurtful comments, invalidating gestures, and manipulative tactics to re-assert their power.
By calling attention to their insecurity and fear-driven manipulation, you re-assert boundaries in a more subtly powerful way, calling attention to their toxicity without emotionally investing yourself too much.
10. 'You're like a coin with little value and two faces'
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This is one of the phrases brilliant people use to politely humiliate someone needs little explanation. It's beautifully petty, with a hint of charisma, and it sets a boundary without getting too emotionally nuanced or complex.
If you're dealing with a manipulator, a narcissist, or a genuinely disrespectful person, keep this one in your back pocket.
11. 'Clearly you're used to manipulating people, but I'm not one of them'
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Many experts suggest assertive and slightly confrontational language is the best way to deal with manipulators, especially those that tend to profit and succeed on the backs of other people's insecurities and perceived flaws. Manipulators have more misguided superiority and power when the people around them feel insecure, confused, and ignorant — which is why most of their tactics rely on breaking down people's confidence in conversation.
By calling out this behavior and reminding manipulators that they don't have power over your emotional or physical well-being, you set a clear boundary about the kind of respect you expect in conversations.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.