12 Phrases Brilliant People Use To Politely Get Out Of Plans
You don't have to be rude to get a little extra time alone if you know what to say.
Krakenimages.com / Shutterstock Agreeing to hang out when you’d rather be alone is a recipe for resentment and it doesn’t honor what you need. The idea that politeness means putting your needs last isn’t a mindful way to live, which is why there are specific phrases brilliant people use to politely get out of plans.
It’s not easy to gracefully decline an invitation, even with your closest friends. A 2022 poll from YouGov found that "one-third of Americans say they often agree to plans in advance only to realize closer to the date that they don’t want to participate, with 11% saying this happens to them very often." We tend to equate being nice with saying yes to everything, even when all we want to do is curl up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and stream 90s rom-coms.
Here are 12 phrases brilliant people use to politely get out of plans
1. ‘This week is hectic for me, but I’d love to catch up some other time.’
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A phrase brilliant people use to politely get out of plans is, “This week is hectic for me, but I’d love to catch up some other time.” Saying this phrase is a gentle way to get out of plans you don’t actually want to make. It lets the other person down easily while clearly explaining the reason why: You’re just too busy. Turning down their invitation to watch the cat circus has nothing to do with them or the fact that they want to go to the cat circus.
At its core, this phrase is a kind way to politely get out of plans because it lets the other person know that you want to stay connected and hang out some other time, just not while watching cats in tutus prance on tightropes.
2. 'Thanks for thinking of me. I’ll have to pass'
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“Thanks for thinking of me, I’ll have to pass,” is a prime example of a phrase brilliant people use to get out of plans. This phrase has everything: a thoughtful beginning and a classic, clearly-defined ending. This phrase sends the message, “I appreciate you, but no.”
By saying “thanks for thinking of me,” the speaker offers a polite acknowledgement that the other person went out of their way, which validates the invitation. Most of the time, most people just want to feel seen, heard, and valued, which is exactly what this phrase does, and that makes it brilliant.
3. ‘I’ll need to take a raincheck’
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Brilliant people use the phrase, “I’ll take a raincheck” to politely get out of plans. This phrase is a classic. It absolves you of making plans without any specific details or reasoning. When someone says this phrase, they’re not justifying why they can’t make plans, they're just saying they can’t, but they’ll consider getting together at a later date.
This phrase is a straightforward example of setting a boundary to care for yourself. Marriage transformation specialist Nicola Beer pointed out the power of setting healthy boundaries in any kind of relationship, noting that “Having the courage to communicate our needs and set healthy boundaries is far more loving than pretending that everything is OK when it isn’t.”
“Establishing boundaries not only prevents us from getting frustrated and hurt, but is also a form of self-love and self-respect,” she explained.
“Do what's right for you before serving others' needs and demands,” Beer advised, highlighting how saying no and getting out of plans can be an act of self-care.
She described what exists at the core of any boundary: “It’s about honest, direct, assertions of your needs — which may be in the form of refusals or simply asserting your needs, first.”
4. ‘I’m working late this week, but let’s get together soon’
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Another phrase brilliant people use to politely get out of plans is, “I’m working late this week, but let’s get together soon.” This phrase works well to let the other person down gently while pinning the reason you can’t make plans on something that’s out of your direct control: your work schedule.
They don’t know the inner workings of your boss’s mind or the exact deadlines for the projects you’re working on, which is what makes it such a brilliant and effective phrase to use when you want to politely get out of plans.
5. ‘I need some time to recharge’
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“I need some time to recharge” is another phrase brilliant people use to politely get out of plans. Everyone’s capacity for social interaction varies. Extroverted people feel nourished and energized around other people. In contrast, introverts need more time on their own to recharge their batteries, especially if their social calendar is fuller than usual.
Of all the ways to respond when someone tries to make plans, using the phrase “I need time to recharge” is an honest yet polite way to get out of plans. It lets the other person know that it’s not them, it’s you. It’s not at all rude to say no, so you can focus your energy in ways that serve you. Saying no and spending time alone is an act of legitimate self-care.
6. ‘I wish I could, but I have other plans.’
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Brilliant people use the phrase “I wish I could, but I have other plans” to politely decline an invitation. This phrase lets people gracefully bow out of making plans while expressing gratitude for being asked. The phrase highlights the value of setting limits around your time. Declaring your boundaries might not be easy, but doing so allows you to show up as your authentic self in every situation.
Life coach Patricia Magerkuth revealed that being truly authentic means asking questions so you can figure out what's important to you and how you want to live. “Ask yourself, ‘Who do I want to be in this situation or this relationship? How can I be real and let people know what my needs are?’” Magerkuth advised. "Once we know those answers, it is easier to express our needs to others and to have our needs met.”
“Showing up and being authentic means we must think clearly about what we value, want, and need for our well-being. This doesn’t mean making choices without considering others. It means our needs are a big part of our choices,” she concluded.
7. ‘I won’t be able to make it.’
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Another phrase brilliant people use to politely get out of plans is simply, “I won’t be able to make it.” This phrase is firm yet neutral. By saying this, you’re not casting judgment on the other person’s plans for making any flimsy excuses. You’re just saying, “I can’t,” and letting that be that.
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology looked into why it’s so hard to turn people down. The study was aptly titled “Saying no: The negative ramifications from invitation declines are less severe than we think.” The researchers determined that “invitees overestimate the negative ramifications that arise in the eyes of inviters following an invitation decline.”
“Invitees have exaggerated concerns about how much the decline will anger the inviter, signal that the invitee does not care about the inviter, make the inviter unlikely to offer another invitation in the future, and so forth,” they concluded.
The results of the study demonstrated that most people worry more than they need to about this particular issue, and just saying “I can’t make it” is a good enough reason to decline an invitation, no further explanation needed.
8. ‘That sounds fun. Maybe some other time.’
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Brilliant people use the phrase “That sounds fun, maybe some other time” to politely get out of plans. The phrase is versatile and kind-hearted. It shows that you’re interested, but you can’t commit to plans at this exact moment.
Using this phrase gives you a way to get out plans in a polite way while leaving the door open to hang out in the future. It’s a distinct, “No, thank you,” said without in a way that doesn't cause drama or hurt anyone’s feelings.
9. ‘I’ll be there in spirit’
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A phrase brilliant people use to politely get out of plans is, “I’ll be there in spirit.” This phrase is vague enough to be polite, yet it clearly states that you’re not accepting the offer put forward. More often than not, saying no allows us to nourish our ‘yes,’ which lets us live authentically.
Relationship and life coach Karen Cherrett shared that in order to live a life that’s aligned with our truest selves, we have to stay focused on our true needs. “Often we are not in touch with our ‘true self’ because we spend a lot of our time focusing on others; what they think of us, how they perceive us, whether they like us or not,” she explained.
Cherrett revealed that focusing on her own needs gave her the implicit permission she needed to live “in a space of speaking my truth no matter what I think others [will] think, say or do. It means less stress and tension in my life and it finally had me connect with what I really wanted each and every moment of the day.”
10. ‘It’s not good timing for me, but I hope it’s a wonderful event’
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Brilliant people use the phrase, “It’s not good timing for me, but I hope it’s a wonderful event” to politely get out of plans. This phrase is a clear way to let someone know you’re busy, but you’re happy they considered you, and you wish them the best in their social endeavors.
Using this phrase focuses less on interpersonal politics and more on timing, which is a resource most people don’t have enough of. By saying this phrase, brilliant people are able to maintain relationships and stay connected, while respecting their own energy level and time constraints.
11. ‘I’ll have to sit this one out, but let me know how it goes’
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“I’ll have to sit this one out but let me know how it goes” is a phrase brilliant people use to politely get out of plans. Saying “no” outright is difficult for a lot of people. They choose to take a softer route by being slightly vague, like saying “I have to sit this out.”
In a conversation on women in leadership, Vanessa Bohns, a professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University, spoke to why it’s so hard to say no. “A lot of it has to do with the underlying psychological mechanisms… In many cases, it comes down to awkwardness,” she explained.
Bohns touched on the reasons why saying yes seems so deeply ingrained in our psyches, noting that “In part, people are just mindlessly following a social norm that we say yes to people… Another big factor is that we don’t want to [be] impolite.”
“At the end of the day, it’s just really awkward to say no. And so it’s often just easier and more comfortable to say yes, and just go along with whatever somebody is asking you,” Bohns concluded.
Even though saying no might be uncomfortable, it’s also a necessary tool to have, especially when it comes to protecting your inner peace.
12. ‘I can’t, but I hope you have a great time’
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A phrase brilliant people use to politely get out of plans is, “I can’t, but I hope you have a great time.” This statement is a clear and concise “no.” It’s said without invoking a negative attitude, in fact, it gives off overall positive vibes. Saying “I hope you have a great time” sends your best wishes along, but shows that you’re not going to change your mind anytime soon.
This phrase demonstrates someone’s social intelligence while setting firm boundaries, which is why it’s both a brilliant and polite way to get out of plans.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.