11 Phrases Brilliant People Use Instead Of 'That's Stupid' When Dealing With Annoying People
Not every argument is worth wasting time and energy over.
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock While annoying people lacking self-awareness and empathy have the tendency to bring out the worst in us, encouraging our blood pressure to rise and our verbal filter to disappear, experts like psychologist Marcia Reynolds argue that the key to dealing with their behavior is actually an aura of calmness.
Despite being quick-witted and perfect at comebacks, there are several calm phrases brilliant people use instead of "that's stupid" when dealing with annoying people. Not only do you encourage self-reflection in annoying people with unhealthy conversational habits and behaviors, you maintain an aura of confidence that encourages people to reconsider the way they treat you and the respect they dish out.
Here are 11 phrases brilliant people use instead of 'that's stupid' when dealing with annoying people
1. 'Let's try to keep our conversation focused here'
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While there's certainly a need to stick up for yourself in some conversations, as leadership coach Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D. posits, the phrases brilliant people use instead of "that's stupid" when dealing with annoying people and their incompetence are much less combative.
Instead of urging them to resort to feelings of shame or embarrassment — uncomfortable emotions that can spark resentment and urge people to disregard the pillars of open communication — brilliant people redirect conversations.
A phrase like this actively combats disruptions and urges people to actively listen, and can assure everyone that they're having a productive conversation. Even when annoying people use uncalled for phrases and uncomfortable body language that disturbs the intentionality of a conversation, a brilliant person knows how to get it back on track.
2. 'That's interesting, but I'll have to think about that later'
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Interruptions to a conversation can erode trust, feelings of security, and respect in a conversation, regardless of your relationship, according to psychotherapist Amy Morin. While they may not be malicious in nature, interruptions can sabotage productive conversations, something brilliant people are always cognizant of when trying to usher in feelings of mutual understanding and value into a connection.
By using a phrase like this, you can still ensure an annoying person feels heard in a conversation — something everyone should be entitled to — and acknowledge their contributions, without veering off from a shared interest or goal.
Especially in high-stakes or stressful situations, like problem-solving at work or resolving conflict in a relationship, a phrase like this can encourage feelings of security that makes everyone feel more comfortable following a healthy conversation flow.
3. 'Can you explain what you mean by that?'
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Oftentimes, stereotypically "annoying" people struggle with social connections or relationships because they're more focused on playing up a certain image or appeasing others, rather than truly communicating their feelings or their authenticity.
Self-aware and intelligent people are generally more aware of these insecure behaviors in annoying people, giving them more of an opportunity to call them out and urge introspection.
Especially if they're acting overly confident or putting other people down to support their own superiority in conversation, a phrase like this can help to humble an insecure annoying person who's putting on a show, urging them to reflect on what they're saying and role they're taking in conversations.
4. 'I'm not sure I'm following'
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While the intentions may be good, an annoying person often contributes distracting or unnecessarily controversial comments to a conversation, urging everyone to divert their focus away from the shared focus.
Whether it's a co-worker or a friend, use a phrase like this to encourage an annoying person to elaborate on their thoughts, making space for their voice to feel heard without unnecessary judgment or criticism that can spark irritability. Instead of letting their passing comments go unheard, encourage them to explain, making more intentional and thoughtful comments when they do speak in a conversation.
5. 'I hear what you're saying, but I don't think that's productive to the issue at hand'
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Clinical psychologist Jennifer L Keluskar argues that while social interaction and conversations can sometimes be overwhelming, they're generally productive for our emotional and physical well-being. Not only can social interactions be an avenue for vulnerability and emotional expression, the shared understanding and humanity of our conversations can foster important feelings of belonging in our lives.
However, intentional and meaningful conversations can oftentimes be overtaken by distractions and unhealthy conversational behaviors. While they're not often intentionally trying to sabotage the benefits of social interaction, annoying people's behaviors, body language, and comments may distract people from truly connecting — urging them to divert their focus, take on unnecessary self-doubt, or retreat from an uncomfortable conversation.
By using a phrase like this to simultaneously acknowledge an annoying person's comments, while also redirecting the conversation back to the task or shared feeling at hand, brilliant people can healthily steer a conversation to be more beneficial for everyone involved.
6. 'I'm speaking right now'
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Like Sherry Graf argues in her book "I Don't Get You: A Guide to Healthy Conversations," everyone deserves to feel valued and respected in conversation. And when an annoying person makes rude comments or consistently interrupts a conversation, that shared sentiment is jeopardized.
Even though it may be uncomfortable to proactively set boundaries and carve out the space you're entitled to in conversations — combating an annoying person's interruptions — doing so ensures that everyone feels more understood and comfortable.
7. 'I don't let people speak to me like this'
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Sometimes, all an annoying person needs to healthily re-enter into a conversation is a reminder of your conversational expectations and boundaries in a relationship. By subtly reminding them with a phrase like this that you don't tolerate disrespect, annoying people have much less space to take advantage of your passiveness or kindness with their interruptions or offhanded comments.
While they can be uncomfortable to communicate, advocating for your own social and emotional well-being is necessary to cultivate better, more fulfilling relationships.
8. 'What do you mean when you say that?'
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Especially if an annoying person is consistently making judgmental or critical comments in a conversation, calling out their behavior in a group setting can encourage them to take accountability and reflect on how their contributions are sabotaging comfortability for everyone involved.
Even if it's intended to clear up misunderstandings and get everyone on the same page, a phrase like this can be beneficial for protecting your own energy in a conversation and the integrity of a conversation, as trial attorney Jefferson Fischer argues.
9. 'Thanks for your concern, but we're on the right track'
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Especially in a professional setting, contributions and comments from annoying and distracting colleagues can be equally frustrating and confusing for everyone involved. Sometimes, these comments can be a result of vague boundaries or a dismissal of your expectations for respect, like ex-Secret Service member Evy Poumpuras argues, that are best addressed with direct phrases like this one.
While many of the phrases brilliant people use instead of "that's stupid" when dealing with annoying people are intended to "call in" others into a conversation and encourage feelings of mutual understanding, this one can be a calm way to reassert boundaries without distracting others from shared goals.
By advocating for your needs and encouraging others to respect you, you're not only protecting your peace, emotional health, and energy, you're intentionally carving out space for healthier connections and conversations.
10. 'Can we revisit this topic another time?'
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When an annoying person's comments are distracting others from a shared goal or prerogative, it's important for someone to step in with a comment like this to lead the conversation back to a healthy track. Sometimes, a person's comments are worth discussing, but there's a time and place for everything.
Especially in a heated argument or emotional discussion, it can be beneficial for everyone involved to use a phrase like this to redirect, suggesting that everyone take time to themselves and come back with a clear mind to discuss other topics.
Like a study from the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin suggests, alone time can help bolster better connections and conversation, encouraging people to regulate their emotions and reflect on their responses rather than speaking, arguing, and fighting without thinking.
11. 'I need to advocate for myself, so I'm going to stop you there'
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Experts from the University of Minnesota agree that it's not always going to be comfortable to be a fierce self-advocate, even in relationships with people you trust and feel comfortable around. Amid heated arguments and emotional discussions, setting boundaries and cultivating space to feel heard won't always be easy, but in the long run, it ensures your relationship is better equipped to healthily handle conflict.
Whether you're using this phrase to fend off an annoying co-worker or set better boundaries around discussion in a marriage, being clear about what you need and expect is always better than relying on resentful feelings, passive-aggressive comments, and unclear body language to get the attention and respect you deserve.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.