11 Phrases Brilliant People Use To Get Attention When They're Being Ignored
Everyone deserves to feel valued in a conversation, even if it's uncomfortable or awkward to demand.
JLco Julia Amaral | Shutterstock Feeling heard and valued in conversations is the key to connection, according to a PLoS One study on healthy communication. With active listening strategies like thoughtful questions, eye contact, and open body language, people can ensure they're helping other people to feel heard in their conversations. On the other hand, to ensure that you feel heard and prioritized by others, it's important to set boundaries that remind people of your expectations.
There are several phrases brilliant people use to get attention when they're being ignored in conversations that can assist you in properly setting these expectations, urging people to refocus their energy and prioritize your needs. Of course, people who consistently disrespect your boundaries or dismiss these phrases may not be worthy of a conversation with you at all.
Here are 11 phrases brilliant people use to get attention when they're being ignored
1. 'I'd appreciate your full attention while I'm speaking'
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While many of us might take pride in our ability to multitask at work or in our personal lives, our brains don't typically have the ability to both actively listen and complete another task.
From scrolling on our phones, to completing a household chore, or even driving safely, like a study from Brain Research suggests, it's nearly impossible for us to get our full attention to something outside of a conversation when we're speaking to someone.
Reminding people of that with a phrase like this can be helpful for getting someone's attention when they're distracted, encouraging them to embrace the fullness of conversation with intentional active listening behaviors.
2. 'Is there a better time for us to have this conversation?'
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If you're not feeling heard or valued in a conversation at the hands of a distracted listener or rude comments, you can always directly express that with a phrase like, "I'm not feeling heard in this conversation." However, it's also possible to use a question like this to draw in the attention of others when you feel ignored.
Despite being occasionally uncomfortable, empathizing with the distraction of a person in conversation can be beneficial for building trust in the future. Don't make excuses for them, but find ways to protect your own voice and emotions by remembering that stress, distractions, and social anxiety can contribute to feeling ignored, even when there's no malicious intentions involved.
3. 'Can you hear me?'
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Some of the brilliant phrases people use to get attention when they're being ignored are subtle, not intended to call someone out or evoke discomfort in a conversation, but to pull people in and engage them. By offering up an opportunity for someone to actively listen and reconcentrate their focus, you can continue engaging in a conversation without opting for conflict or discomfort.
Feeling like an afterthought in a conversation is an uncomfortable experience that many people struggle with, like communication expert Mary Gardner suggests. But with few phrases and body language tweaks, you can lean into a conversation and encourage your voice to be heard.
Start with opening up your body language and leaning towards a speaker you're most interested in listening to. Use eye contact and other nonverbal cues like a nod or reassuring active listening noises like "Ahhh" or "Hmmm" to express your interest. Conversations can be messy, but ensuring you feel heard and like a part of the conversation lies in the subtleties — which can become easy to practice over time.
4. 'When you ignore me, it makes me feel unheard'
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In closer relationships with the people in your life, it's important to set boundaries in conversations to ensure your needs are met and your voice is heard. With a phrase like this, brilliant people encourage their peers, partners, and friends to give them their full attention, in any conversation, as a signal of intentional trust, mutual respect, and understanding.
Even on a text thread or over social media, researchers from Penn State University suggest that people share similarly negative psychological consequences when they're ignored online compared to in-person conversations.
Find ways to express your need for other people's attention, even online, with phrases like this that help you to communicate boundaries and express an expectation for respect.
5. 'I'll wait until you're ready to have a conversation'
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According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, we feel more satisfied, hopeful, and happy in relationships when we feel appreciated. In conversations, on dates, or in a workplace setting, when we feel appreciated, other aspects of our lives evolve. In the same manner, when someone consistently disrespects us, makes us feel unvalued, or regularly unheard, that negative energy can also affect us.
By using a phrase like "I'll wait until you're ready to have a conversation" to create distance between yourself and someone who's not helping you to feel appreciated, you ensure you're not wasting energy or investing time into people who aren't fulfilling you.
6. 'I don't like to waste my energy in conversations'
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Like experts from Harvard Business Review argue, it's more important to manage your energy than your time, but in conversations with people who consistently ignore you, it might be a balance of both. By using a phrase like this to separate yourself from an unproductive conversation, you can ensure you're looking out for your own needs, even if the other person isn't.
While the person you're speaking to might not even have malicious intentions, reminding them that you take your expectations and demands for respect seriously can ensure future conversations are more fulfilling.
7. 'Do you appreciate being ignored?'
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By flipping the script on unproductive conversations and subtly shifting uncomfortable emotions to the person ignoring them, brilliant people can capture the attention of others and remind them of their expectations in conversation.
Whether it's with a partner or a peer at work, finding a healthy balance of active listening and expressing emotion is important. There's so much stigma around setting boundaries that sometimes people forget a phrase like this can do it for you, prompting other people to embrace their own empathy and set their ego aside to help you feel heard and valued.
8. 'I don't feel valued in this conversation'
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While phrases like "I don't feel valued in this conversation" can seem confrontational to someone who's not entirely comfortable with asserting their own boundaries or calling attention to unhealthy social behaviors, using them can ensure you're spending thoughtful energy with people who actively reciprocate it.
Even if it does spur some conflict or a brief argument, especially with someone you have an existing relationship with, it can be a healthy way for both people to communicate through their needs, expectations, and current struggles. With active listening strategies and basic empathy in these moments, you can have a healthy argument without sacrificing your well-being or relationship.
9. 'Do you always expect people to beg for your attention?'
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While someone's bad behavior or toxic conversational tendencies may encourage you to lash out or act on your frustrations, the phrases brilliant people use to get attention when they're being ignored revolve around calmness. If you deliver a phrase like this from a calm and balanced perspective, you may even get a laugh in conversation, encouraging someone to return to the conversation and re-focus their attention on you.
Brilliant people never intentionally criticize someone; instead, they leverage empathy and their own personal boundaries to craft connections and conversations that add value to their lives and empower others.
It's likely that a person who hears this phrase will be both more attentive in a conversation with you and other people in their lives , now cognizant of the way their distracted behavior makes other people feel disrespected or unheard.
10. 'You seem busy, let's talk another time'
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According to a study from the American Psychological Association, many people enjoy and feel more fulfilled with deep conversations — even with complete strangers — than they do engaging in an endless stream of small talk.
However, when distractions, stress, and ignorance cause people to ignore others or sabotage passing conversations, we have less and less opportunities to truly connect with people in our lives.
With a phrase like this, you can safeguard a future connection, even with a stranger, and still protect your peace from uncomfortable feelings associated with being ignored.
Especially if you can recognize the emotions or distractions plaguing another person's ability to actively listen in the present moment, giving them grace from the current moment, your future interactions are more likely to be intentional and thoughtful.
11. 'You seem upset, would you like to talk about it?'
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In the event that someone is actively distracted by stress or uncomfortable emotions, it can be empowering to everyone in a conversation to pull them in, help them to feel valued, and give them grace.
Like relationship and communication expert Barton Goldsmith explains, repressing emotions only leads to later discomfort, encouraging people to lash out, isolate themselves, and fall into an unhealthy emotional routine.
When given the chance to open up, in conversations like this, they can feel more seen by you — helping not only their emotional well-being, but your future conversations and sense of value in the relationship.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.