Men Who Are Self-Absorbed And A Misery To Be Around Have These 13 Personality Traits
Why are you parenting a self-absorbed man?
Nathan Dumlao | Unsplash The dating scene is weird on so many levels. On one hand, I can honestly say that there are a lot of people who are way too good for the people that they date. These people are often victimized by the dating scene, and end up becoming extremely bitter people if they can’t find a decent partner in time.
Then, there are others: the self-absorbed ones. These are the men who take advantage of good people, cause way more harm than good, and are a misery to be around.
They’re self-centered, and they don’t understand that other people have feelings. They are self-absorbed, pure and simple, and they think they deserve a lot more than they do.
Self-absorbed men are not worth the time of day. They don’t care about anyone but themselves and don’t even view people they consider below them as human beings. Worried you’re dating someone with this self-absorbed behavior? Then you should watch out for these personality traits of a miserable man.
Men who are self-absorbed and a misery to be around have these personality traits:
1. He tears down people who don't fit his mold
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A man who has no problem berating a woman who isn’t up to par or treats women terribly if they aren’t “his type” is a man who’s self-absorbed and undeserving of any kind of love. If he’ll do it to them, he’ll do it to you once you no longer fit his idea of a good mate.
2. He says misogynistic things
Nope! That’s a big ol’ red flag right there. At best, he’s ignorant. At worst, he’s openly showing you that he thinks he’s more important than you, and that he’ll treat you as such.
This is often linked to a personality profile characterized by traits from the Dark Triad. A study published by Personality and Individual Differences suggests that individuals high in these traits are more likely to exhibit misogynistic attitudes and behaviors. This connection is particularly evident when studying the relationship between misogynistic attitudes and personality factors within the Big Five model of personality traits.
3. He calls you 'unreasonable' or 'crazy' when you say you no longer want to see him
Just saying, that there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be seen with a public embarrassment. Perhaps he should find someone who has a tolerance higher than you do? After all, you probably don’t deserve the burden of having to deal with his baggage.
4. He pouts or plays the victim until you cave
From personal experience, tell him to either put up or grab a tampon. That’s manipulative emotional blackmail, and no one has time for that.
The tendency for interpersonal victimhood (TIV) describes a stable pattern in which individuals consistently perceive themselves as victims across different relationships. This pattern is characterized by a need for recognition, moral elitism, a lack of empathy, and rumination about perceived injustices.
Individuals with TIV see themselves as morally superior while lacking empathy for others' struggles. A 2020 study identified TIV as a distinct personality construct encompassing several dimensions beyond feeling victimized.
5. He has Nice Guy Syndrome
He talks about how “nice guys finish last” and how “women only want jerks.” You get the feeling that he plays the victim, despite not being that nice to you at all.
Yep, Nice Guys are self-absorbed men, too. That’s why they’re usually single and why they should stay that way.
6. He acts like going out with you is a chore, rather than a privilege
Yeah, if anyone thinks they’re too good for you, chances are very high that you’re too good for them, and they’re just self-absorbed men who don’t realize what they have.
7. He makes you feel uncomfortable
This is a point that goes beyond being self-absorbed and delves into the realm of the user, especially if what he’s asking you to do doesn’t make you feel comfortable. Should you find yourself in this situation, tell him to kick rocks. It’s better to be alone than to be with this kind of leech.
Concepts like conditional positive regard, where a person's behavior in a relationship is contingent on meeting certain expectations or conditions set by their partner, often impacting relationship quality and individual well-being.
A 2021 study showed that couples with high levels of conditional love tend to experience more conflict and dissatisfaction in their relationships. Individuals in conditional relationships may develop a more negative self-image due to the constant pressure to meet their partner's expectations.
8. He's hard to tolerate
If people are voicing your concern, that’s a good cue to step back and look at your life. This is one of the major signs of a self-absorbed man — and an abusive one, at that.
9. He offers very little but wants someone who offers a lot
He wants a model who has a prestigious job and a good standing. He’s a dropout with a terrible job and an even more terrible reputation.
Self-absorbed? Yes. Worth your time? Absolutely not!
10. He makes you feel like you owe him
This is often a sign that he’s guilting you and manipulating you into doing what he wants. And guess what? That’s a sign he’s a self-absorbed man who tries to manipulate girls into doing what he says, or who feels like he’s entitled to more than what he deserves. Feeling like you owe your partner is often linked to an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
A study published in Europe's Journal of Psychology explained that this feeling usually stems from a sense of obligation or a perception of an uneven power balance. In this situation, one partner feels they must constantly reciprocate actions to maintain the relationship, leading to resentment and decreased satisfaction. A partner exhibiting manipulative behaviors or creating an atmosphere of guilt-tripping can exacerbate this feeling.
11. He regularly talks about how 'he could do better' or says things that insinuate you’re not deserving of his time
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To be fair, he’s right. He could do better for humanity by just checking out of the dating scene. You don’t deserve to be near such an insufferable person, either.
12. Everything about the relationship is lopsided
You can’t stop working, but if he doesn’t want to work, it’s okay. He has a right to complain about your looks, but if you want to do the same, you’re shallow.
Sound familiar? Yeah, it’s not acceptable regardless of gender and it may be time to dump this man.
13. He doesn't take your feelings into consideration
Relationships are a thing of “give and take.” If you’re always giving and he’s always taking, it’s time to call it quits. He’s being self-absorbed and it’s not your job to be a martyr for him.
Research published by Lesley University explained that feeling like someone truly considers your feelings often involves emotional empathy. Emotional empathy refers to the ability to understand and share another person's emotions, essentially putting yourself in their shoes and experiencing their feelings. It is a key factor in feeling valued and heard in a relationship.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.