People Who Lose Interest In Making New Friends As They Get Older Usually Have These 11 Reasons
People aren't always making an intentional choice when their circle of friends gets smaller and smaller.
simona pilolla 2 / Shutterstock There’s no denying the emotional and physical benefits of social connections for people of any age, but recently there’s been an unsettling trend of people isolating themselves more and more as they get older. It can be exhausting for anyone to invest time and energy into meeting new people, and while it may not be helpful to them, people who lose interest in making new friends as they get older usually have some understandable reasons.
Despite what you might think, it's not always a matter of exhaustion or disinterest that keeps people from making new friends as they get older, and by addressing their particular issues head on they can pave a healthier way forward.
People who lose interest in making new friends as they get older usually have these reasons
1. They’re too busy
Drazen Zigic | Shutterstock.com
For many adults who are balancing family responsibilities, an all-consuming career, or personal obligations, it can feel impossible to consider saying yes to new social events or making new friends. Considering research shows it takes around 50 hours to develop a new friendship, many people simply don’t have the time to invest, contributing to their lack of interest in making new connections.
Especially if they already have a solid group of friends, it can feel like a waste of their time and energy, two things already running low with a busy routine.
2. There’s less opportunity
Perfect Wave | Shutterstock.com
While many young adults have a ton of opportunities to make new friends in school, at work, and playing sports, older adults focused on managing their obligations don’t have the same luxury. Their social circles naturally shrink as a result, and oftentimes people who lose interest in making new friends as they get older are too busy, tired, or overwhelmed to seek out social opportunities, new communities, and interesting events.
According to an ADP Research Institute study, over 95% of employees feel pressure to overwork themselves on the job. Coupled with family obligations and personal struggles, that’s enough to overwhelm them from investing time and energy into a new social network.
3. They’re not interested in superficial connections
Ground Picture | Shutterstock.com
Many adults are more intentional about the kinds of friendships and connections they seek out and maintain later in life, placing a strong emphasis on shared values and trust, according to a study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal, that superficial connections can’t always fulfill.
With limited free-time and energy to dish out for social interactions, superficial connections, occasional meet-ups, and online chatter just doesn’t have the same appeal that it might have had when they were younger.
4. They’re less open to new experiences
Stocklite | Shutterstock.com
Psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis suggests that as we get older, we tend to get more close-minded about differing opinions and perspectives. We become stuck in our ways and less willing to seek out new experiences and learning opportunities.
Especially coupled with fears of rejection or embarrassment, putting themselves in a new social situation can feel daunting and anxiety-inducing. For adults already grappling with work and family stress and sometimes even burnout, adding another layer of fear and anxiety can feel counterintuitive and cause people to lose interest in making new friends as they get older.
5. They’re battling insecurities
Chay_Tee | Shutterstock.com
By the time you reach a certain age, you've undoubtedly had plenty of experience with bad friends and uncomfortable social situations, causing many people to lose interest in actively seeking out new social connections. Insecurity can be isolating, leading to feelings of uncertainty, anxiety, and discomfort that encourage people to stick to their comfort zones and what they know.
From a stagnant routine to a dwindling social circle, avoidance as a means of coping with low self-esteem only exacerbates the consequences of insecurity. So, while it might feel comforting to insecure people who lose interest in making friends as they get older, it tends to grow into more alarming social and personal issues over time.
6. They have unrealistic expectations
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock.com
While there’s certainly a tendency for people with small social circles to expect too much from their friends on a personal, emotional, and social level, people who lose interest in making friends as they get older tend to expect a level of emotional intimacy and obligation from the jump.
Making friends is a slow process. At a minimum, research shows 50 hours of time is required to build a basic relationship, and it requires consistent engagement, communication, and interaction to get to a point of vulnerability in a friendship.
Many people who are looking for friends to support them and uphold their values of sincerity and deep connection expect too much too soon, making it harder for them to cultivate and even find the motivation to seek out new friends and connections.
7. They don’t have many social hobbies
Fast-stock | Shutterstock.com
Not having social hobbies and opting for more solo activities is another reason people lose interest in making new friends as they get older. WIth the free-time they do have, they may prefer alone time and enjoy hobbies they can do on their own rather than typically social ones like volunteering, playing a team sport, or even chatting in a book club.
While alone time has its benefits, especially for people who may not have other intentional mindfulness practices, social hobbies can add a great deal of value. People who lose interest in making new friends as they get older are typically comfortable in their routines. They have hobbies, connections, and responsibilities that already take up most of their time, so it's almost always an inconvenience to seek out new friends.
8. They’ve had toxic friends in the past
Manuela Durson | Shutterstock.com
For people who experienced trauma or bad experiences with their friends in the past, overcoming the emotional hurdle of starting a new connection can feel impossible. Especially for people who have a full schedule, a family, and a social network already, it can seem like a waste of time to put themselves out there again, believing it’s only a matter of time before they’re hurt again.
Of course, this misguided mentality keeps many aging adults from enjoying the true benefits of a healthy friendship. They’re guided by their anxiety and fear or rejection or abandonment when it comes to social interaction, making it harder to be their authentic selves and enjoy the process of making friends.
9. They enjoy their solitude
Ilona Kozhevnikova | Shutterstock.com
While true loneliness can feel deafening and uncomfortable, some people enjoy being alone amid the chaos of their daily life. Or rather, they enjoy solitude and alone time, compared to social events and interactions.
Whether it’s taking time for reflection, engaging in self-care practices, or indulging in their personal interests and hobbies, people who lose interest in making friends as they get older usually prioritize their alone time and don't want to push themselves out of their comfort zone to make new social connections.
10. They’re physically isolated
Poppy Pix | Shutterstock.com
Whether they’re living in assisted living facilities or physically isolated from social events they’d otherwise enjoy, people who lose interest in making new friends don’t always feel like they have the choice to explore new connections.
This lack of freedom can spiral into social isolation and feelings of loneliness, especially that lead to depressive symptoms that can be emotionally taxing.
11. They’re always the first ones to reach out
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock.com
Being the organizer or planner for your friend group can be isolating and exhausting, especially as you get older and everyone gets busier. When you reach a certain age and are shouldering more responsibilities, it’s easy to lose interest in maintaining these relationships.
If you’re always the first person to reach out and plan something with your friends, you may feel less inclined to do so as you get older and take on more obligations, causing a natural sense of disconnect that can feel disempowering and isolating.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
