6 Things People Do To Sabotage Their New Year's Resolutions, Without Even Realizing It
Why we try so hard and fail so gloriously — and how to break the pattern this year.
Getty Each year, right around New Year's Eve, I watch to see what people post about their New Year's resolutions. A few days later, I hear only "slight chatter" about these resolutions. A week after? I hear zilch. Those passionate resolutions are now distant and cool connections of the past after people sabotage their New Year's Resolutions without even realizing it.
This is why it is rare for me to root someone in resolutions on unless they ask directly for me to do so. I know most people will abandon their resolutions each year. It makes me wonder why do so many fail? This year, I investigated the answers.
Six things people do without realizing it that sabotage their New Year's resolutions
1. They aren't ready to make the change
If you are ready to make a resolution, ask yourself honestly why you are doing it.
According to Timothy Pychyl, a professor of psychology at Carleton University in Canada, people are looking to reinvent themselves, but they're not usually ready to change serious bad habits.
Are you ready to change, or are you all talking? Change can be extremely painful and a lot of work.
In the end, the rewards will be great, but you have to be willing to put in the work. You can't press a button on January 1st of each year and expect miracles.
2. They don't truly believe they can follow through with the resolutions
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You're spouting off diatribes on how this year will be different. You'll leave that bad partner! You'll ask your boss for a raise! But inside, do you believe you can do it?
Most likely, if you keep failing at a resolution, you don't believe you have it in you.
Personal development coach Barbara Rush explained, "Self-sabotage and self-doubt can get in the way of a happy life, but the good news is that those mental patterns can be broken — if you allow yourself to. Thoughts are simply choices. You don't wear clothes that make you feel uncomfortable or eat food you don't like. So why choose thoughts that make you feel bad?"
3. They set unrealistic resolutions
You're saying you'll run a marathon next month, but you haven't stopped on a treadmill since. Well, you've never run on a treadmill, much less walked on it.
If this sounds familiar, you've set insanely lofty resolutions that are impossible to achieve.
4. They fail to set the same resolutions as everyone else
Yeah, I said it, too. You're making resolutions because, hey, everyone else is doing it. You say you're going to hit your goals, but you aren't committed deep in your heart.
5. They are surrounded by people who don't have their best interests in mind
You want to change, but you hang out with friends who think that improvement is a bad word. You want to stop smoking, but your spouse is lighting up like a tree. Being in a "bad" company doesn't help the matter.
6. The resolutions they set aren't specific
"I want to do better." "I want to meet someone."
Okay, that's nice, but narrow it down a little, like, "I want to go on five dates this month by signing up on an app or site," or "I want to improve my self-confidence and will do so by joining a karate class."
Being broad just allows you to fail more quickly, as shown by research in the Social Behavior and Personality Journal.
Now that you know why New Year's resolutions fail and why you're not too likely to follow through, here are a few tips you can use to improve the chances that you'll stick to your plans.
Create a new habit
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Susan Weinschenk, Ph.D., says that since we as people make "habits" all the time, it's not so hard actually. To change your bad habit, adopt a new, healthy one.
She shares these three steps created by B.J. Fogg and Charles Duhigg:
- Pick a small action. Avoid those broad resolutions, folks. Decide that you'll go for a walk each morning at 9 AM rather than resolving to "get fit."
- Attach your new action to an old habit that's well-established. Dr. Weinschenck says, "For example, if you already go for a brisk walk 3 times a week, then adding on 10 more minutes to the existing walk connects the new habit to an existing one. The existing habit 'Go for a walk' now becomes the 'cue' for the new habit: 'Walk 10 more minutes.'"
- Make the action easy to do at first. This will make the habit easier to stick with.
Make sure your resolutions and goals match the story you believe about yourself.
Or, as Weinschenk calls it, your "self-story."
"You want to make decisions that match your idea of who you are. When you make a decision or act in a way that fits your self-story, the decision or action will feel right. When you make a decision or act in a way that doesn’t fit your self-story, you feel uncomfortable," Weinschenk advises.
Laura Lifshitz writes about divorce, relationships, parenting, and marriage for YourTango, The New York Times, Women’s Health, Working Mother, and Pop Sugar.