Virginia Pastor Makes Mom-To-Be Apologize To Church For Getting Pregnant Out Of Wedlock
Humiliation and public shaming are key characteristics of cults.
Cast Of Thousands | Shutterstock A Virginia pastor is under fire on social media for the shocking way he handled a congregant's pregnancy. His approach struck many as not only cruel but reminiscent of some of the most fundamental features of cults and the way they abuse and manipulate their members.
The pastor forced the mom-to-be to apologize to the entire church for getting pregnant out of wedlock.
Saving intimacy for marriage is a core tenet of many interpretations of Christianity, of course, even though the Bible itself is not clear on the subject, often contradicts itself when it does address it, and often only applies such rules to women.
Nevertheless, many Christians and churches take the issue very seriously. One church in Virginia; however, took the issue to what many consider to be an extreme, sparking criticism online.
The debate began when a video began circulating on social media of a pastor forcing a young woman in his church to come to the altar in front of the entire congregation and not only confess that she'd gotten pregnant but apologize for doing so.
The pastor said that no one should 'condone' her sin and that she should not be allowed to have a baby shower.
Even by the most hardline conservative interpretations of Christianity, what went on in this church is shocking in its cruelty. As the young woman confessed her "sin" before her entire faith community, the utter humiliation in her voice was not just audible but palpable.
"I wanna apologize to everybody in here because I am pregnant," the young woman said. She then began to cry and apologized for crying too. "I just hope that y'all forgive me and pray for me," she finished.
In a moment that felt almost perverse, the congregation then applauded this poor woman, before the pastor launched into more punishment. "We ain't gonna condone your sin now," he said, before adding what may be the cruelest dig of all.
"Ain't no baby showers going on," he said. "That's what you lose out there. You have a baby out of wedlock, ain't no baby showers, and nobody at this church is about to attend one."
He even instructed her family not to hold one in private, either, before telling her that she should "thank God that God didn't take you out of here." The congregation clapped and murmured their agreement throughout.
Public humiliation and shaming are key features of cults and other abusive, high-control groups.
The hypocrisy of this pastor and congregation's approach is bad enough. As one TikTok commenter put it, "Was the person who got her pregnant made to apologize?" The pastor urging congregants not to help this young woman with a shower only amplifies the shocking cruelty.
But perhaps most disturbing of all is that incidents like this are textbook cult methods. Public shaming and humiliation are vital components of cults, in fact, and they're often involved right from the beginning as part of the recruitment process.
They're even more effective as indoctrination tools, however — they are among the main mechanisms by which abusive leaders keep their victims in the fold because it gives them extraordinary emotional leverage over a person.
Perhaps most tragic of all, studies have shown that these public humiliation experiences and the shame that comes from them are also key reasons why former cult members do not seek mental health treatment if and when they escape. They believe that not only will they be judged by their therapist, but that the therapist won't be able to understand the depths of their pain.
I was born and raised a Christian and have read the Bible back to front several times, but I must have missed the part where Jesus Christ said people who make mistakes should be publicly humiliated — that their fellow congregants should cheer on their shaming as if they were attending medieval-era public stoning.
A faith community should be life-giving and affirming, and what a mom-to-be — whether in or out of wedlock — needs is support and resources, not being cruelly mocked by people who are supposed to have their best interests at heart.
Here's hoping this young woman finds someone who actually cares enough about her well-being and that of her child to be kind — you know, like Jesus instructed in the clearest, most unconfusing language possible.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.