5 Painfully Honest Things That Keep You From Being Truly Happy
How to stop being in your own way and choose happiness.
okskukuruza, cactusena | Canva Did you know that you — yes, you — could be preventing your happiness? Bear with us for a moment. Would you believe that happiness is a choice and you can choose to be happy? How many times have we said to ourselves, "I'll be happy as soon as I lose five pounds." Or, "As soon as I get promoted, I'll finally be happy." When was the last time you stopped to appreciate what you have? A home of your own to go back to every day. Friends and family that always have your back. And beautiful children that always brighten your day.
Staying focused on the positive is hard. It's even more challenging to let go of the past. But you are in complete control of what you choose to focus on. And by denying your freedom, you could be limiting your happiness. Happiness is how you think. What you do. And what you choose. Our YourTango Experts give us great advice on the things that keep you from being happy and how you can fix that now.
Here are 5 painfully honest things that keep you from being truly happy:
1. You're worried or stressed
“Remember to check in with where you are at — what you think or feel right now. Is there a sense of “lack” or “worry”? Are you feeling inadequate or stressed? Change your state and remove that roadblock by taking a couple of deep breaths. Consider the wonderful biological process that is occurring simply for you to breathe deeply in and out. Your body is pretty clever, hey?
Next, identify where abundance is showing up in your life right now. Find, name, and think of things that demonstrate abundance is present in your life. Here are some thought starters to help: You are healthy. You have eaten a delicious meal within the last 24 hours. You have a very good friend that you can call at any time for help or to chat. You are planning a holiday. You can easily walk in nature. You can easily recall the last time you felt real joy. You have eyes that allow you to read this. Now, take a moment to appreciate what is in your life and notice in this one moment that you are indeed happy. Appreciate yourself for doing this exercise. Feel yourself sink into a feeling of appreciation — if only briefly. Allow yourself to go there. Then, make an effort to practice this at least once a day, and notice what you are noticing."
Dianne Stewart is a leadership and confidence coach.
2. You're not practicing gratitude
“Hoping that happy experiences will make you grateful is backward. Gratitude must come first. Be grateful in all situations, and true happiness will come to you.” Having gratitude for what you have is essential for happiness. Try making a list of all the things that you're grateful for. A wonderful husband. Being able to take care of yourself and your children. You can even include the adorable little pup that always gives you lots of love. Once you start to realize how much you have, happiness will come.
Jim Merhaut is an internationally known relationship and leadership coach.
3. You're putting a limit on happiness
“Two little words that can have a massive impact on your happiness are ‘if’ and ‘when.’ When these two words are attached to your vision of happiness you relinquish your ability to be happy in the moment. I will be happy when I win the lotto. I will be happy when I find my perfect partner. I would be happy if I lost ten kilos. Fixing the idea that happiness is dependent on things, situations, and circumstances outside of yourself is extremely limiting.
Happiness is not found in external things. Happiness is a state found within you that you bring to the situations and circumstances of your life. It is specific to you, available always, and applied by you in your life as you choose. To create and coax more of your happiness out into the world recognize that everything in your life has relevance and serves a purpose. From this perspective, you view your life circumstances very differently and see both the good bits and the challenging bits as part of a bigger picture. You see that it’s all good, meaningful, and worthwhile. Your life is a unique example of perfect imperfection. Embrace that to infuse more happiness into your life every day.”
Karen Wilson is a personal development coach, speaker, intuitive healer, and author.
4. You're out of touch with your inner strength
“Consider the connection between happiness and resilience. When your 'resilience bank account' is full, you can cover small or even large withdrawals in the form of stress, pressure, or challenges. But if your resilience bank account is low or empty, it is very difficult to maintain your levels of happiness, well-being, or even optimism. Focus on happiness... and you might get it from time to time. Focus on filling your resilience bank account and it'll take a lot to keep you from being happy.” Having inner strength will allow you to conquer anything! You can withstand harsh criticisms and not let them make or break you. And when things go wrong, you'll be able to keep calm. With resilience, you'll always see the bigger picture, and find your way to happiness.
Karl Hyden is a mental toughness and resilience coach for introverted professionals and entrepreneurs.
5. You're not actively choosing to be happy
“We make choices every moment of every day. Every choice we make can either bring us down or raise us. What brings us down is anything that is not lined with our essential self and our purpose. What raises us is anything that supports our full becoming. There is no in-between. You choose.” Are you striving to be your best self? Do you have habits that support who you want to be? You can overcome, and stop repeating negative patterns that no longer serve you. Even when things get tough, we all have an opportunity to become better. You can decide who you want to be. You always have a choice.
Lisa Torres is a homeopath and healer.
Jamille Jones is a freelance writer who focuses on relationships and pop culture.