The Painful Reason He Won't Ask You Out (Even Though He Seems Into You)
You think he's interested in you, so why hasn't he done anything about it?
Dean Drobot, SookyungAn, Billion Photos | Canva Every time you run into him, he seems happy to see you. He flirts, he smiles, and he teases you and tries to get your attention. He seems to remember every conversation you've had and makes you feel like he's paying attention to what you're saying. He compliments you on the way you look, and there's just something about the way he's staring that makes you wonder what he's thinking. It feels good to you. It feels like he's attracted to you. And you find yourself attracted to him. You look forward to running into him or spending time with him.
He makes you laugh, and every interaction you have with him makes you wonder what it would be like to start dating him. So, what's up with this guy? Sure, he acts interested, he flirts with you, and tells you that you're beautiful and smart and interesting, but then he pulls back and makes you wonder if you're just imagining things. As good as his attention is, you also feel a bit off-balance around him because he doesn't seem to do what you expect him to do, or what you want him to do. Is he interested? Or is he just messing with you?
Why is he not asking you out? I can tell you that there are many reasons a man will flirt and act "interested" in you but never ask for your number, call you, or make plans to go on a real date with you. Sometimes one reason is that he's involved with someone else, but he enjoys your company and thinks you're a great woman. He just doesn't want to "go there" with you. Maybe he's attracted to you physically, but he doesn't yet feel that gut level of emotional attraction to want to take things to the next level with you.
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Maybe he feels like he's getting mixed signals from you — one minute he thinks you're responding and interested, but the next minute he senses some kind of "vibe" that makes him wonder if you'd reject him if he were to ask you out. Or maybe he has his reasons for not wanting to become more involved that have nothing to do with who you are or what you say or do. Unless you ask him directly, there's no way to know for sure what's going on.
But there are some key things you can do that will increase the likelihood that he'll want to spend time with you alone and get to know you better. Here's one of them: Engage him one-on-one and give him the space to respond. You may think you're flirting back or being friendly, but he is just as unsure about you and what you're feeling or thinking as you are about him. This is why it's important that if you want to maximize the chances that a man will follow up with his attraction for you, you have to find a way to engage him that tells him you're both interested and available.
Look him directly in the eye when you're speaking to him. Smile. Avoid complaining or talking about boring subjects like the weather or what you do for a living. Let him "carry" the conversation; don't hijack it every chance you get and monopolize your entire time together. The fact is, if you don't know what to do and say to create enough interest for a man to both feel safe asking you out and creating enough interest in him, then you're going to have a tough time with men and dating.
Christian Carter is a dating coach and author of the e-book Catch Him & Keep Him. He has helped more than three million women become more successful with men, dating, and relationships.