12 Overused Phrases To Avoid Unless You Want To Annoy People
Genuine connections and authentic conversations hardly start with these sayings.
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock Mastering the art of intentional, engaging, and compassionate conversation isn't easy. With interactions that often demand a delicate balance of emotional intelligence and empathy, it can be easy to slip up and say the wrong thing, hurt someone's feelings, or forget to advocate for yourself.
Of course, there's also a sleuth of overused phrases to avoid unless you want to annoy people, rooted in unacceptable corporate jargon and unsuspectingly harmful language. However, at the heart of any conversational trick or warning, the main priority remains the same: be authentic. Whether that means channeling empathy or humor, as long as you're genuine, you're sure to manifest healthy, productive, and engaging connections.
Here are 12 overused phrases to avoid unless you want to annoy people
1. 'It is what it is'
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While this phrase is often annoying in passing conversation simply because it's overused, there's an unsuspecting deeper meaning that often promotes unhealthy habits in our relationships.
This phrase actively suggests that people avoid responsibility in their lives and instead leave it "up to fate." In case you've forgotten, you're the only captain of your fate — you determine the direction of your life, what you invest your time and energy into, and the relationships you want to pursue. If you leave every argument, conflict, or life decision up to a phrase like "it is what it is," you're sure to be disappointed.
2. 'Everything happens for a reason'
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Like clinical psychologist Dr. Allison argues, this overused phrase exemplifies "toxic positivity" in ways that are equally unproductive and annoying in passing conversations. While it might seem comforting at a distance, phrases like this, especially ones that use "all-or-nothing language" like "everything," only make everyone feel worse.
You're dismissing someone's pain, justifying traumatic experiences they've lived through, and completely ignoring a request for support, which only creates distance and resentment in the healthiest of relationships. Consider the ways you can rework a statement like this — not just to avoid being dismissive, but to truly emotionally support the people in your life.
3. 'Life isn't fair'
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There are several overused phrases to avoid unless you want to annoy people, but many of them are rooted in misguided perceptions. "Life isn't fair" isn't one of those. Life truly isn't fair for most people, but when this phrase is used in passing conversation, it only comes across as dismissive.
Stating the obvious as a means to provide support doesn't just come across as inauthentic, but ignorant. As a friend, partner, or parent, you're not going to meet someone where they are, truly support them, or share compassionate ideas with them if you're simply restating their concerns. And, of course, it's annoying to feel unheard.
4. 'No offense'
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If you have to warn someone before you say something in the name of "brutal honesty," you're probably doing more harm than good. The art of emotional intelligence in conversation encompasses a web of healthy practices, rooted in communication, empathy, compassion, and active listening. Stop giving yourself a pass at avoiding the accountability of truly supporting someone by using an overused disclaimer.
Like political science professor Louay Safi argues in "Leading with Compassion," empowering leaders, friends, partners, and parents all channel compassion in their conversations, even in conflict, even amid disagreements, and even more adamentally when they're supporting someone who's struggling. Don't use a "no offense" pass to avoid prioritizing compassion.
5. 'Hard work always pays off'
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If you grew up in a vulnerable family, lived in a low-income community, or struggled to assert yourself in traditional institutions because of your fundamental identity, whether it's gendered, or rooted in race and ethnicity, you know that the validity of a phrase like this is not only untrue, but wildly misguided.
Hard work pays off for a lot of people — in the workplace, in personal relationships, and in many cases with personal development — but the privilege of reaping the benefits of hard work isn't something everyone is privy to. If you're talking to someone who has experienced this constant struggle, you're not actually motivating them, you're probably just being an annoyance.
6. 'Money won't buy you happiness'
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While there's an ever-present debate about whether or not there's a true correlation between financial security and subjective well-being, research from the Journal of Financial Education argues there are certain financial habits and behaviors that are actually associated with a person's happiness. Can you pay your bills? Are you struggling to afford groceries? Do you live in a constant state of anxiety over your financial status?
Don't be ignorant enough in passing conversation that you ignore the profound influence financial comfort has on the average person, as you're probably annoying people with your privilege.
7. 'I'm not going to lie'
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While it often requires more emotional intelligence and energy, the practice of "truth with compassion" is much more healthy for relationships than brutal honesty, according to licensed psychologist Janice Webb. So, the next time you warn someone about your "brutal honesty" with a phrase like this one, consider the ways you could be subconsciously sidestepping accountability for compassion or causing more harm than good.
At the very least, you're annoying someone else, but at the most, you could be making someone else feel unheard, misunderstood, and generally unsupported.
8. 'I know this is a big ask'
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Typically used in workplace settings, annoying workers across industries, this overused phrase is not just grammatically incorrect but ignorantly placed in many conversations.
To begin, you're requesting something, not asking; it's technically "a big request" not "a big ask." Also, if you know it's a big ask and something that's likely going to spark anxiety or stress, just say that.
At the very least, having a boss or manager who acknowledges your heavy workload can help to mitigate the associated stress, rather than being dumped with a new project or responsibility without any help or support.
9. 'I could care less'
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As an overused phrase that should speak for itself, the annoyance behind this saying is entirely grammatical. When people say, "I could care less," they're not expressing complete apathy towards something, but rather arguing that they do care about it, as there's other things they care about less.
Try "I couldn't care less" if you're looking to express your passiveness about something. And if you're unsure about what to use, just spell it out with a few more words.
10. 'Let's circle back'
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Business expert and the author of "Talk Normal: Stop the Business Speak, Jargon, and Waffle," Tim Phillips, argues that corporate jargon like this phrase not only annoys co-workers and employees in the workplace, but often isolates them from important conversations. Equally confusing and vague, overused phrases like this aren't necessary; they only add to the inaccessibility and divide the average person faces at work.
Despite toxic workplace expectations that might suggest otherwise, it's okay to bring your humanity to work and, in many cases, it can actually promote a healthier, more productive environment. You don't have to speak with metaphors or use cliche phrases to get your point across, like Phillips explains, just speak like a human.
11. 'I'm here for you'
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While most research on emotional support, including a 2009 study on feeling understood, reports that communication and trust are foundational requirements to cultivating healthy and balanced relationships, there's not a great deal of niche research on how best to embody those two characteristics in day-to-day life and conversations.
For many people, expressing genuine concern, asking questions, and actively showing up for friends and family in need of emotional support is their way to build trust, while others utilize phrases like this one to appear available. Often an "empty phrase" in many relationships, people on the receiving end of a phrase like this hardly feel empowered to ask for help or reach out for emotional support.
If you're truly looking to support someone or empower them towards growth, show up. Send them a gift, help them with a chore, or actively listen to them in conversations. The intention behind a phrase like this might be great, but action is always better.
12. 'You're doing too much'
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A saying that typically follows an expression of intense emotion or a critique of another person, this phrase is sure to annoy at least a few people in passing conversations. Not only does it inherently demean vulnerability in many situations, it urges people to shrink their emotion, excitement, or presence to accommodate someone else.
Business executive Ceci Stallsmith argues that the willingness to "make other people feel small" in conversation is often a side effect of insecurity. In order to maintain an aura of confidence and self-assuredness, insecure people who struggle with utilizing their emotional intelligence in conversations use overused phrases like this to assert their dominance.
Even if it doesn't seem that significant to you, there's a chance someone else has heard this phrase a hundred times over. Don't make the mistake of trying to slip it unsuspectingly into a conversation, as you're only setting yourself back in achieving meaningful connections.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango who focuses on health and wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.