10 Not-So-Subtle Signs You Might Be An Intellectualizer
If you weren't celebrated for expressing emotion as a kid, you might struggle with these behaviors.
Josep Suria | Shutterstock An "intellectualizer" is generally characterized by their tendency to over-explain and analyze their uncomfortable emotions with logic and reasoning, at the expense of their relationships or personal well-being. Many intellectualizers, according to experts with Psychology Today, even use these behaviors as a way to avoid their own emotions and create distractions from beliefs or values that challenge their sense of self, instead of communicating and feeling them openly.
Oftentimes, people who didn't get their emotional needs met in childhood or lacked a safe space to openly express their emotions adopt this behavior as a coping mechanism in adulthood. While there are a few not-so-subtle signs you might be an intellectualizer, the actual process of unlearning it is much more difficult and complex.
Here are 10 not-so-subtle signs you might be an intellectualizer
1. You respond with logic when someone asks how you feel
Fizkes | Shutterstock.com
If you turn towards reasoning when someone hurts your feelings or try to learn everything you can about the "why" behind how you're feeling, you might be an intellectualizer, according to The Collaborative Counseling Center. While using this kind of overthinking as a defensive mechanism can be helpful for navigating grief or strong emotions at times, when it's relied upon constantly it can turn into a bad habit that creates disconnect between ourselves, our relationships, and our emotional well-being.
Considering the majority of our emotions can't be explained away, as they're inherently complicated and complex internal responses rooted in our identity, trauma, and connections, using logic to explain how you feel can leave you feeling unfulfilled in important conversations. We're all yearning to connect with others, but when we suppress our vulnerability with logic, that only becomes harder and harder to do.
2. You believe you recognize patterns before your therapist
Dusan Petkovic | Shutterstock.com
Being forced to constantly explain or even hide our emotions as a child can spark intellectualizer behavior in adult children, especially those that consistently didn't get their needs met growing up or struggled with feeling things in their bodies.
Forced to support their own discomfort with intense emotions, intellectualizers often develop toxic coping mechanisms like repression or defensiveness to retreat from bodily sensations and instead explain things away in their heads. According to a study published by the Journal of Psychosocial Nursing and Mental Health Services, this overanalysis of emotion can inhibit self-expression, as genuine emotional expression is forced to be dealt with in another manner.
For intellectualizers who go to therapy, this tendency can make the practice feel repetitive and sometimes even shallow, as they often enter the space believing they already have all the answers to why they feel the way they do. They already know how they're getting in their own way or the patterns informing toxic behavior, but they can't make a change.
3. You try to think your way through problems
Inside Creative House | Shutterstock.com
Instead of feeling physical responses to pain or being present with emotional responses in their bodies, intellectualizers tend to retreat to their mind to explain and label their internal conflicts. Considering that intellectualizers are often inherently very intelligent, they can use these patterns, labels, and misguided explanations to craft a faux sense of safety and control, like therapist Trisha Wolfe explains.
Of course, as Wolfe argues, you can't think your way through your problems, which is why you might feel stuck in your suffering or stagnant state as an intellectualizer, even though you've "labeled" your toxic patterns and behaviors.
4. You plan your way through anxiety
Dorde Krstic | Shutterstock.com
Many intellectualizers try to plan through their anxieties and constantly worry about the "what-ifs" in their lives as a means to cope with potential uncomfortable emotions and feelings. By pre-processing the trauma they imagine could happen, they believe they've crafted a sense of control over their lives, when the truth is, they're only adding to the emotional distress and anxiety they experience in their day-to-day life.
Instead of addressing and experiencing emotions as they come, intellectualizers try to justify their anxiety ahead of time, according to therapist Charlie Perry, which they might be able to label as "healthy," but really only stems from a foundation of insecurity and emotional suppression.
"If a scenario does happen, they'll say, 'See, it was a good thing I worried about that thing, because it happened.' The problem with doing that is that life is a matter of risks," Perry explains. "If all you do is think about the bad things that could happen... you'll never get a moment of peace."
5. You struggle expressing what you want
simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock.com
While intellectualizers often view themselves as incredibly self-aware and in control, the truth is, the defensiveness of their overthinking only protects them from being present in their true bodily responses to emotions, feelings, and communication. Instead of acknowledging and expressing their true emotions, what they need, and what they want from others, they operate from a place of toxic self-preservation.
Of course, healthy self-preservation practices like mindfulness and setting boundaries can be incredibly impactful for maintaining great relationships, like clinical psychologist Monica Johnson suggests, but when they're weaponized under faux guises of control and comfort, they can sabotage intellectualizer's ability to connect and be present.
6. You feel disconnected from your body
Lordn | Shutterstock.com
According to the book "Neuroscience," it's not just our mental state that responds to our complex emotions — our bodies also experience changes that reflect internal distress, anxiety, and other uncomfortable emotions. From gastrointestinal problems, to cardiovascular changes like increased heart rate, and even fatigue, how we physically feel can tell us a lot about our emotions and what we need to deal with them.
However, intellectualizers often miss and dismiss those physical cues, as they immediately resort to overthinking in response to uncomfortable emotions. By overthinking, trying to rationalize with, and logically explain their emotions, they struggle to truly express them and heal, disregarding and sparking a mistrusting relationship with their own bodies.
7. You overthink and ruminate when you're worried
Fizkes | Shutterstock.com
According to a study from Innovations in Clinical Neuroscience, rumination is a defensive coping mechanism to experiencing difficult emotions like anxiety, shame, or embarrassment. Instead of letting themselves deal with anxiety as it comes, intellectualizers take on the burden of categorizing and compartmentalizing their grief before it even happens.
Not only does this prevent them from living in the moment, it sparks a cycle of isolation and feelings of loneliness that can be detrimental to mental, emotional, and physical health. They're less likely to healthily cope with true anxiety when it comes, and they constantly burden themselves with unnecessary stress and worry when they could be spending that time connecting with others and investing in their own health.
8. You believe rational thought can solve all your problems
Miljan Zivkovic | Shutterstock.com
Many people argue that intellectualizing behavior is a toxic tool for coping with problems only in certain scenarios. For example, using rational thought to cope with a breakup might give you a chance to consider other people's perspectives or think about your future self, but when you rely on it to overthink basic day-to-day stress and future situations that haven't happened yet, you only isolate yourself from the present moment.
If your first thought when you experience any kind of anxiety or hurtful behavior in others is to rationalize it, that's one of the not-so-subtle signs you might be an intellectualizer.
9. You use humor to deflect uncomfortable emotions and conversations
Monkey Business Images | Shutterstock.com
While utilizing humor can help us to navigate grief and other difficult situations in a healthy way, according to the National Alliance of Mental Illness, using it to consistently suppress emotions or avoid uncomfortable conflict in your relationships can be a toxic coping mechanism.
This tendency to grow disconnected from their emotions and distract others from how they truly feel is often directly related to intellectualizer's childhood trauma, where they often grew up in spaces where it felt unsafe to express emotions. It's not always a conscious choice you're making to deflect; although some intellectualizers can acknowledge that toxic pattern, it's a response to never learning how to healthily cope and process emotions.
10. You struggle to connect with people with different opinions
Perfect Wave | Shutterstock.com
By overthinking and rationalizing their thoughts, feelings, and emotions, many intellectualizers cultivate a false sense of confidence and security in their perspectives. Oftentimes, that self-assuredness, although rooted in anxiety and insecurity, makes it difficult to celebrate and compromise with people who share different values and beliefs.
You may even be overly critical of people who express their emotions and opinions to you, labeling them overly sensitive or emotional, because they prioritize the vulnerability that you desperately try to deflect.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.