12 Signs It's Not Your Marriage That's The Problem — It's Your House
Have a lighter heart and a clearer vision of what you want.
Dimensions | Canva Many of my clients first meet me through their desire to shed clutter. Some of them discover that because of overflowing closets or the inability to walk through a room without tripping over something. Others discover they spend a lot of money on stuff they don't love and certainly don't need. What they don't realize is that the clutter is also affecting their marriage.
What if I told you clutter distracts you from reaching your goals? Let's take it a step further. What if I told you clutter damages your relationships? When we hold on to clutter and spend our time looking for our keys or digging through a pile of clothes to find something suitable to wear, it drains us of time and energy to put towards new goals.
12 signs your house is causing major problems in your marriage
1. Clutter and mess are sapping energy meant to go to your relationship
The draining of that energy toward our goals means the energy we could be putting towards our relationships is also drained.
2. Your house is a barrier to connecting with those we love
Research in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin explains how Messages — and sometimes even small, isolated rooms and dark decor — not only build a physical wall around us, but they can build an emotional wall around anyone's ability to get close to us.
3. Your house makes you not want to invite guests into your world
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We can't share our spaces with friends and loved ones because a last-minute guest would mean the herculean task of getting the house in shape. Alternatively, we rush around and shove things under beds and in closets.
4. No one can relax in your home
There's also the underlying energy of stress in a home where there is clutter. A study in the Journal of Environmental Psychology supports how the energy you want to put towards romance, loving each other, and relaxing is disturbed.
5. The flow of your home is interrupted by clutter or misplaced furniture
I've seen many relationships teeter because of too much stuff. You trip over it, you have to move it aside, and you're constantly shuffling.
6. Your mess or clutter is a barrier to your intimacy
No one feels romantic in a messy bedroom.
7. Your cluttered home is the source of many arguments
The underlying tension due to too much stuff increases tempers.
8. You blame and shame each other for messes, disorganization, or clutter
Whether one or both parties in the relationship are guilty of adding to the clutter, arguments lead to finger-pointing and blaming. It also leads to shaming the partner, who is the "messy one."
9. One or both of you are spending too much on your home, with no end in sight
Even if the physical clutter isn't to the point of tripping over it, all that shopping drains our finances.
10. Excessive shopping for your home often leads to deception
More often than not, the person who is the shopper begins lying about the purchases. So, not only do you have a home filled with things you don't need or love, but there is an undercurrent of deceit in how the item came to be in your space.
11. Your children have learned to be ashamed of your house and behave secretively
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When we live in excessive clutter or use shopping and stuff as a way to show love, children grow up believing their value is tied to stuff, not who they are. Research published in Family Relations Journal shows the effect of clutter on parenting
12. The stuff seems more important than the relationship
Or, the appearance of your home has taken precedence over sharing love.
But how do you reverse the effects of clutter when you're feeling overwhelmed by the physical clutter in your home? Excessive clutter can cause behavioral procrastination and a significant decrease in satisfaction with life, as shown by a study in the Journal of Current Psychology.
Here are six quick tips to reverse clutter in your home and improve your marriage
1. Clean off your desk
A clean desk allows you to work and think more clearly.
2. Clear your closet of things that don't fit, or you don't love
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The goal is to have a closet only with items that fit properly and portray the image you desire. Haven't worn it in a year? Donate it!
3. Create a sacred space in your bedroom
Clear all the flat surfaces and ditch the exercise equipment (unless it's used regularly). Having too much stuff in your bedroom blocks intimacy.
4. Ditch the guilt and excuses to shed more clutter
Often, we hold onto items because of how much we paid for something or because it was a gift. Don't let guilt keep you buried!
5. Create a purgatory for unloved or unwanted stuff
There are going to be those items that you're not sure about, so create a space to store that stuff. Choose a corner of the basement or garage or one room designated for excess. Then, put a date on your calendar to discard anything you haven't retrieved from the space!
6. Create a 30-day list
When you get the urge to buy something, put it on a list and wait at least thirty days before purchasing. Often, the urge will pass.
Your dreams and your relationships deserve a solid foundation of good, clean energy. What better way to work toward success than with a lighter heart and clearer vision of what you want in your beautiful life than to clear out the clutter distracting you?
Debra Smouse is a life coach and author.