Mom Who Tried To Gentle Parent Her 5-Year-Old Daughter Says She Raised A 'Little Monster' — 'Everything Is A Fight'
Age 5 can be more difficult than any of the toddler years.
fizkes / Shutterstock From teenagers to toddlers, parenting kids is no easy feat. Especially for new parents, understanding what behavior is acceptable, appropriate, or even healthy can be a challenge.
One mother admitted on Reddit that she was struggling with this internal battle with her 5-year-old daughter. Originally, she’d casually tried the “gentle parenting” technique, but quickly realized her daughter was growing into a “little monster.”
The mom admitted she’s raised ‘a little monster’ after trying to gentle parent her for the majority of her life.
"In the nicest way possible, my 5-year-old daughter is so lazy and defiant," the anonymous mom started her post. "I don’t really know what to do anymore."
“I tried to ‘gentle parent’ this girl … but somehow created a little monster. I want to start this off by saying she's clever and intelligent, and at school, she does very well,” the mom continued. “At home, it’s a different story.”
Not only does her daughter expect her parents to do everything for her, but the mom admitted that parenting has been a constant battle.
“She won't get dressed on her own. She won’t eat herself and makes me feed her and she even asks me to think for her," the mom added. "She won’t even wipe her own hands and face and will literally sit caked in food until I come and sort her out."
“I don’t expect her to magically be able to do everything," she clarified, "just some small things like eat independently or put her own shoes on.”
Her daughter doesn’t listen, expects to be ‘waited on,’ and throws constant tantrums when she doesn’t get her way.
The mom explained that everything with her daughter is a fight, from getting ready for school to getting dressed for bed. And nothing she does seems to make a difference.
"It doesn’t matter how much I tell her to do things the right way. I give her consequences for her actions (which ends in full-on tantrums and her screaming and shouting and hitting me.)," she admitted. "I’m embarrassed to write this all down. It’s like I’m constantly treading on eggshells with her."
fizkes / Shutterstock
Despite ditching the “gentle parenting” trend, she admits her daughter’s behavior hasn’t improved. From throwing tantrums to physically hitting her parents, their young daughter is impossibly exhausting to care for — let alone discipline — and it's taking its toll on the mom.
"I’m living with constant anxiety," she shared. "Everything is a fight. I am constantly trying to decide which hills to die on because mentally, I can no longer die on them all."
While many parents suggest “the terrible twos” are the worst phase in their kids’ lives, this mom’s experience argues 5-year-olds are even worse. Increasing misbehavior and tantrums in 5-year-old kids isn’t just something this mom has noticed — new trends theorize this age group is being disproportionately affected by social factors in a negative way.
Whether it’s social media, technology, or pandemic-related consequences, this age group seems to struggle with behavior more than older generations of children at the same age.
Most parents offered this mom grace, suggesting ‘uncomfortable’ parenting techniques that helped them to discipline their own kids.
“I don’t know if I’m dealing with an exceptionally strong-willed child or if I’m a terrible parent or if I’m dealing with some sort of disorder,” she admitted. “I see other children who deal with things so calmly and normally, and I just don’t know where I’m going wrong."
Lots of parents in the comments urged this mom to have grace with herself, and also with her young daughter. At only 5 years old, there are certain things this young girl will not be able to do without help — whether it’s self-soothing or tying her shoes — and that’s OK. However, reminding herself what those things are can help set boundaries that protect both this mom’s sanity and her healthy authority over her daughter.
“We've had something similar recently with our little guy,” one mom added under the post. “You have to call their bluff — their power in the situation comes from the fact that they think/know that you will ultimately dress them because you wouldn't send them to daycare/school like that.”
At the end of the day, children experience incredibly heightened emotions, feelings, and general confusion about identifying how they feel. This mom’s concern is incredibly valid, and commenters celebrated her for being self-aware, but the majority agreed that things will inevitably get better. “She’s getting the bad behavior out now, before her teenage years — good luck!”
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.