Mom Shares The Crucial Difference Between Men Who Want Kids Versus Men Who Want To Be Dads
"They're like a child with a puppy."
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock There are a lot of men out there who want to have kids. However, only a few of them want to be dads.
What exactly does this mean? One woman is breaking down the notable difference between men who just want to have kids and those who want to be involved and present fathers.
The woman said there's a crucial difference between men who want kids vs. men who want to be dads.
As a mother, Abby Eckel finds it incredibly important to differentiate between these men. “Men are taught to want kids, but not how to be dads,” she said in a TikTok video.
According to a 2024 Pew Research Center study, 57% of young men who don't have children claim they want to have kids. However, as Eckel noted, it is one thing to want kids and another to want to be a parent.
“There are lots of men that wanna have kids. There are fewer men who wanna be dads, and it is really important as women that we discern between the two because they're not the same,” Eckel said.
The mom said men who just want kids are more concerned about carrying on their legacy.
“He's thinking of carrying on the family name and having little mini-mes running around,” she said. “Very few men know when they think about, ‘I wanna be a father’ are thinking about the daily grind task.”
The daily grind task Eckel was referring to is all of the responsibilities of being a parent some men tend to neglect.“The midnight feedings, the diaper changes. The to and from the inevitable sports that they'll play,” she said.
Some men believe that all they have to do to complete their due diligence as fathers is to work and financially provide for their families. However, being an involved parent is equally as important, and all comes with being a good provider and protector.
“We bombard boys with messages about being providers and protectors, but when's the last time you actually saw a boy being taught how to nurture?” Eckel said.
“How many young male babysitters do you have on your roster? I don't have any; how many little boys do you see walking around with a baby doll, feeding her, and changing her diaper?”
Men are often given the wrong idea that bringing up their children should fall on their female partners while they are out working and supporting them financially.
However, this idea will only encourage harmful family dynamics.
The kids will constantly be wondering where their father is and why he doesn’t participate in taking care of them. The mother will feel absolutely burnt out that all of the parenting tasks fall on her shoulders, even if she also has a job outside of the home.
Eckel encouraged heterosexual women to take a good look at the kind of men they plan on having children with and ask themselves if this is truly someone they can make it work with.
“Before you have kids with a man, watch how they handle responsibility. Do they take initiative on things or are they always sitting back waiting for you to tell them what to do?” Eckel says.
“Wanting kids is about the destination. Having kids is about the journey. So the next time a man tells you he wants to have kids, ask him a few questions.”
“What type of role does he plan on playing in his kids' lives? Ask him what kind of role his father played in his life. Was he making lunches? Was he taking him to doctors' appointments? Was he at parent-teacher conferences?”
Eckel claims that these are the important questions to ask before we have children with men, and we cannot overlook their answers if we don’t want to raise them alone.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
Women are starting to recognize they need and want equal parenting partners.
Many women are starting to recognize the “married, single mom” phenomenon as more and more of them consider having children with male partners. The term refers to women who are married to the father of their children but oftentimes feel as if they are single moms due to their husbands’ lack of involvement.
“It’s similar to the discussion around the “mental load” which sees things like the planning and scheduling in relationships falling to the woman, as well as chores around the house such as washing, cooking, cleaning, and meal planning,” Melbourne psychologist Carly Dober told news.com.au.
“However, many women have seen what unequal partnering has done to other women in their lives, such as their mothers and grandmothers, and how this has either negatively contributed to their health, well-being, and unhappiness.”
“This is why we’re seeing it talked about more than ever, and the birth of new names which call out these tiresome stereotypes.”
One TikTok viewer of Eckel’s video noted that some men who say they want kids can be compared to a child who wants a puppy.
A child who asks for a puppy likely only wants one to have someone to play with every once in a while. They don’t want to do any part of walking the puppy, feeding the puppy, taking the puppy to the vet, getting the puppy haircuts, or fulfilling any other responsibilities puppy owners need to fulfill.
But they sure love telling people they have a puppy!
It is not enough to have kids and hold the title of “Dad.” If you are a man with kids, your obligation is to split the parenting responsibilities with your partner.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.