Mom Says She Shouldn't Have To Force Her 6-Year-Old Daughter To Say 'Thank You' To An Older Man Who Complimented Her Appearance
Her daughter should never have to entertain unwanted advances from men.
fizkes | Shutterstock In an effort to teach kids to be polite, especially little girls, parents sometimes make them sit in discomfort and engage with people they don't want to interact with.
Liz Kindred, a mom and content creator, doesn't want her daughter to have that experience. She detailed an incident in which she refused to force her daughter to accept a compliment from a stranger. Many online praised her for respecting her child's autonomy.
The mom said she shouldn't have to force her 6-year-old daughter to say 'thank you' to an older man who complimented her appearance.
"I was in line this morning with my six-year-old and a grown man turned around and said to my six-year-old, 'My goodness, you sure are pretty,'" Kindred recalled. "My six-year-old is gorgeous, yes, but she is also very in tune and perceptive and she’s an introvert so she grabbed my leg really tight."
The man didn't take the little girl's obvious hesitation as a sign to turn around and mind his business, but instead doubled down on the compliment, saying, "You sure are pretty. Look at those blue eyes."
Kindred's daughter, clearly uncomfortable, gripped her mom's leg tighter while Kindred smiled awkwardly at the man, hoping he'd take the hint and stop talking to them. Unfortunately, he did no such thing.
"He's a boomer and, God love him, he said, 'I guess your mom didn't teach you manners,'" Kindred recounted.
After an uncomfortably long pause, Kindred calmly responded, "If you assume that I didn't teach my six-year-old daughter to say ‘thank you’ to a grown, consenting man when he compliments her appearance, then you would be correct."
Kindred is teaching her daughter that she is allowed to have a voice and boundaries, even at 6 years old. She does not owe anything to anyone just because they compliment her.
As she gets older, she will surely appreciate the fact that her mother taught her to be assertive and firm in what she accepts and what she doesn't.
Kindred doubled down on her stance, pointing out that her daughter doesn't have to entertain grown men's attention.
In a follow-up video, Kindred directly responded to the few negative comments she received on her initial video. Some claimed that she was teaching her daughter to be rude to nice people who were simply paying her a compliment.
To that, she insisted that her daughter never owes a man — or anyone else — gratitude for a compliment, especially if that compliment made her uncomfortable.
Experts seem to agree with Kindred. KidsHealth noted that it's important to teach kids to distinguish between "don't talk to any strangers" and "it's okay to talk to strangers" when a specific set of criteria is met like they're with a trusted adult. However, the resource noted that more important than that is teaching your kids to trust their instincts, which is exactly what Kindred is doing.
"My daughters aren't responsible for the way adults feel," she said.
"Additionally, my favorite comment was someone who said, 'It was just a compliment on the way she looks; it's not like he kissed her,'" she continued, "which I would say to that, it never usually starts with a kiss."
Kindred recalled a horrible boss that she reported to at a job in her 20s. Anytime she had to be around him, she felt off and uncomfortable, but since she was raised to be a "nice Christian, Southern girl," she didn't say anything, even when his looks turned into compliments and unwanted comments. She admitted that she didn't feel like she had a voice, and as a result, he pushed her boundaries.
She is not allowing her daughter to have the same experience. Instead, she's teaching her early that she does have a voice and she has every right to use it to defend herself and set boundaries.
She's also teaching the young girl to trust her gut. If someone makes her feel off or uncomfortable, then she should trust that feeling — not humor them because they simply complimented her.
We owe it to young girls to be like Kindred and teach the next generation of women that they are allowed to advocate for themselves. They are allowed to set boundaries and stand up against men who make them feel uncomfortable. They don't owe anybody pleasantries — whether they're 6 or 106.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.