Mom Says That Kids Who Can Only Bring $5 Or $10 Gift To Her Child's Birthday Shouldn't Bother Coming
Is it the thought that counts or the gift itself?
Gustavo Fring / Pexels A woman named Carlee describes herself in her TikTok bio as a “decluttering, budgeting, thrifting mom.”
She offers other parents ways to spend less money and simplify their lives. Yet her opinion that birthday gifts for kid’s parties should cost $20 or less raised some other parents’ defenses.
A mom said that kids who only bring $5 or $10 gifts to a birthday party shouldn’t bother coming at all.
Carlee made a post in response to a particular comment she received on TikTok, which stated, “If you’re giving me a $5-10 gift please don’t come. That’s not even enough to cover the pizza and cake you ate.”
“This might be the worst take I’ve ever seen,” Carlee said. “How sad for your kid that their friend might not show up to their birthday party because they can’t afford more than $10.”
Carlee clarified that she understood the mom’s thought process behind expecting gifts to match the cost of throwing a party, yet she still believed that that expectation wasn’t particularly fair to guests, especially those who might not be able to afford an expensive gift.
“I get it, it costs a lot of money to throw a birthday party, even if you’re doing it at home and not renting out a space, it can cost, like, hundreds of dollars to feed people and provide the cake and do decorations,” she said. “But are you saying, ‘I’m gonna spend $300 on my kid’s birthday, I expect $300 in gifts in return?’”
Photo: Vlada Karpovich / Pexels
“I kind of get the thought process, but that’s not the right attitude to have,” she concluded.
Not only is it unrealistic to expect guests to bring expensive gifts to a kid’s birthday party, it also emphasizes the wrong values.
Requiring kids to cover the cost of their plate at a birthday party through the gift they bring instills the idea that material objects are more important than the people in your child’s life.
Carlee raised a valid point, noting how sad it would be for the kid if no one came to their party because they couldn’t afford an expensive present.
“The kids just want their friends to show up,” she explained. “If your kid is really worried about the gifts, and that’s what’s important to them, we’ve gotta rethink something going on here.”
Photo: Thirdman / Pexels
Throwing a birthday party is a labor of love, Carlee continued, something you do “because you want to, because you want to see your kid happy … not because you expect to get so many gifts in return, so much monetary value in return.”
The comment that Carlee was responding to was posted on another video she made, in which she detailed her process of how to buy birthday gifts on a budget. She explained that she always tries to say yes to birthday party invites, because she believes it’s important to model to her kids how to show up for the people in their lives.
“I try to never say no, because I think it’s good for your kid, and I think it’s also really nice for the birthday kid when they invite people, and they come to their birthdays,” she said. “I know, very simple concept.”
She noted that going to every party they’re invited to can become expensive, so her budget for birthday gifts is $20, which seems like a reasonable amount to spend on a younger child.
Carlee clarified that she only thrifts gifts for her own kids; for a kid’s birthday, she buys a new gift. She shared tips on how to save money when going to birthday parties, the first of which was to save gift bags that are in good condition to reuse.
She showed off a gift she bought for a 3-year-old birthday girl: A cute art set with markers, paints, stickers, and a doll. “Not a ton of stuff, less than $20,” Carlee said. “That’s my rule-of-thumb, I feel like it’s very doable.”
Despite the pointed backlash she received in the form of that one comment, most parents seemed to agree that the real gift was the experience of being around friends and celebrating together.
Attending birthday parties is an important way for kids to solidify their friendships. It teaches them how to show up for other people and how to have a special shared experience with others, which in the end, is the most important thing.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers parenting, pop culture analysis, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.