Mom Reveals The ‘Blueberry Text’ From Her Husband That Was The Breaking Point In Her Marriage
It was that simple text that made her realize she was doing more than her husband in their marriage.
evrymmnt | Shutterstock A woman admitted that all it took was one simple text from her husband to start reevaluating the logistics of her marriage, including how often she was tasked with carrying the mental load while her husband offered zero support.
In a TikTok video, Eve Rodsky, a bestselling author and advocate for changing the narrative around the staggering number of wives and mothers who are tasked with wearing themselves down for the sake of their families.
She revealed how the 'blueberry text' from her husband was the breaking point in her marriage.
Rodsky, the author of "Fair Play," a book about how women can prioritize what's important to their family and who should be responsible for household chores and childcare, explained the wake-up call she needed to realize that she was taking on more of the load than her husband was. And it all started with blueberries.
"This was probably rock bottom," Rodsky said. She recalled being in the car one day; the breast pump and diaper bag for her baby were in the passenger seat, she had gifts for her newborn to return in the backseat, she was racing to pick up her son, Zach, from his toddler transition program, and had a bunch of work papers sitting in her lap.
All in all, she was stressed and had a million things to do, but she was only one person. Suddenly, she received a text from her husband, Seth, that was the icing on the cake. He told her that he was surprised she hadn't picked up any blueberries from the store. Immediately, Rodsky had to pull over and collect her bearings.
"I remember thinking to myself, my marriage is ending over off-season blueberries. My marriage should be ending over my affair with an NFL player or some dramatic affair in the Caribbean where I have my hair blowing back, and I'm really tan."
Rodsky was in tears on the side of the street, wondering how she ended up in this situation in the first place. During an interview on the podcast "Conversations of Cam," with host Cameron Oaks Rogers, Rodsky said that the text ended up being her breaking point, especially when she took into account the statistics about the mental load for married women.
"What made me pull over with that text was actually a statistic I didn't know I was living. Women married to men shoulder two-thirds or more of what it takes to run a family and home," she said. "What I decided to do was understand the problem around me."
This type of dynamic has many names, including the second shift, emotional labor, and mental load. However, Rodsky's favorite term was coined by sociologist Arlene Kaplan Daniels in 1986: the invisible work.
Rodsky knew what she was doing in her house was of value but constantly felt invisible because that dedication and time were never acknowledged or appreciated, especially by her husband.
Rodksy used her experience to write and create 'Fair Play.'
According to Rodsky's site, she wrote "Fair Play" as a way for women to have more time and space to reclaim and rediscover their interests and dreams outside of the outdated gender roles assigned to them, especially in marriages with men.
"The result is Fair Play: a time-and anxiety-saving system that offers couples a completely new way to divvy up domestic responsibilities. Rodsky interviewed more than five hundred men and women from all walks of life to figure out what the invisible work in a family actually entails and how to get it all done efficiently," her site read.
From her survey, Rodsky created four easy-to-follow rules, 100 household tasks, and a figurative card game you play with your partner, 'Fair Play' helps you prioritize what’s important to your family and who should take the lead on every chore from laundry to homework to dinner.
In a study from the Pew Research Center, it was found that despite wives earning the same or more than their husbands, marriages remain unbalanced when it comes to childcare and housework. About 16% of wives are the breadwinners in their families, while another 29% earn roughly the same amount as their husbands. At the same time, 55% of husbands earn more than their wives — still representing a majority of opposite-sex marriages, but marking a sharp decline from 85% half a century ago.
The sobering reality that wives are putting their own needs on the back burner for the sake of their families can offer a bit of a reminder to husbands out there. They should be picking up their share of responsibilities as well. Women should be allowed to nurture and have their own set of dreams, hobbies, and goals outside of childcare and household responsibilities.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.