Mom Explains Why She Deactivated Her 11-Year-Old Daughter's Phone & Refuses To Give It Back
While she gave her daughter a phone for safety reasons, she immediately began questioning if it was a good choice for the tween's mental health.
Maria Surtu / Shutterstock The appropriate age to give a child their own phone is a controversial topic with no clear answer.
One mom admitted that she struggled with the decision to give her tween daughter a phone but ended up backtracking on the decision after noticing how it was affecting her daughter's mental health.
The mom deactivated her 11-year-old daughter's phone and refused to give it back.
Mom and content creator Kailey Wood explained that she has two daughters, an 11-year-old and a 13-year-old. She first bought them each a phone when they were 10, but she now regrets her decision.
"It was really for my peace of mind," Wood admitted, adding that she felt a lot safer after giving her children the devices. "It was to allow them a little bit more independence to go roam the neighborhoods, go to friend's houses, but I wanted to know where they were all [the] time so I could track them and they [could] call me whenever they needed."
Despite having good intentions behind giving her daughters the phones, she ended up struggling with the decision. While it's nice to be able to call her kids when she needs to, look at their locations, and know that if there's something they need, she's just a phone call away, on the flip side, she is aware that giving children phones too early has repercussions.
According to a 2019 report from the nonprofit Common Sense Media, children ages 8 to 12 who have phones spend just under five hours a day glued to their devices, and teenagers rack up nearly eight hours of screen time per day. That dedicated screen time isn't used for educational purposes, and often, tweens and teens spend it on social media or watching videos.
Wood noticed how her 11-year-old daughter, in particular, was handling having a phone and decided that she didn't want her to have a device anymore, ultimately deactivating it. She pointed out that the problem isn't social media but the constant conflict that arises between her daughter and her friends.
She claimed that apps like Snapchat, which her daughter doesn't have, and Instagram document their whereabouts, and sometimes girls that age end up feeling left out. Because of that, her daughter has ended up in the middle of drama that causes her to have hurt feelings, which can lead to mean comments and online bullying.
While these are normal feelings for adolescent girls to have, Wood wants to prevent them as much as possible.
"I've done so much as far as taking precautions, and I can see some negative impacts that it's having on her," she continued. "I hear it from her teachers, from other parents, just how much drama there has been in the last couple [of] years since kids have been introduced to phones."
Children are now being exposed to different, potentially dangerous sides of the internet before actually being able to understand what they're seeing. Especially when it comes to social media and online bullying, there's almost no way for parents to truly regulate it.
Wood knows she can't keep her children from having phones forever, but for the time being, she believes that it's a good decision to allow her daughter to grow up just a bit more before being able to have one again.
It's such a tricky situation for parents to navigate because, on one hand, they want to be able to keep in contact with their children, but on the other, they want to protect their children from the pressures and drama that come with having a phone.
In an interview with People, Wood said that since her initial video, she's gotten messages and feedback from other moms who have been in a similar situation as she has.
"It’s not easy parenting kids in the digital age, and as parents, it’s easy to give into the pressure because kids are getting phones earlier and earlier," she said. "But if we can band together and make the norm to not have access to the world via a phone until at least high school, I think we’d all be better off for it."
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.