Mom Applies The 'Let Them' Theory To Her Kids To Lighten The Load Of 'Mom Brain' — 'This Is Revolutionary'
It's time for moms to take a step back.
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock Parents, particularly moms, often feel drained as they juggle parenting, work, and household duties. Moms usually take on more responsibility for their children’s needs, adding to their mental and emotional load. One mom is offering a different approach — one that takes the bulk of the pressure off of burned-out mothers existing in survival mode.
In a post to Reddit, a mom explained how she went down the "rabbit hole" of the "let them" theory, and what she found gave her a new perspective on her approach to parenting and what it means to be a mom in the modern world. The let them theory isn't about giving up control as a parent as much as it is about letting go of the small stuff. It's a pick-your-battle approach that is more about not sweating the small stuff and allowing room in your life and brain for moments of selfish pleasure to exist without the guilt of being a bad parent.
A mom is spreading the word about the 'let them' theory she has adopted as a parenting style to counter the effects of 'mom brain' and inevitable burnout.
At this point, you're probably asking yourself, "What is this theory that the mom described as 'revolutionary.'" New York Times Bestselling author Mel Robbins brought the theory into the spotlight on her podcast, explaining in the simplest terms that it's about giving up controlling behaviors. She said, “The fastest way to take control of your life is to stop controlling everyone around you.”
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Essentially, if someone is going to do something outside of your control, stop trying to control it. CCPA-registered psychotherapist and host of The Inner Child Podcast, Gloria Zhang, said, “The truth is that we cannot force people to behave in ways that they don't want to. Therefore, trying to control or coerce will always lead to more fear, resentment, and unhappiness. By letting go of attachment to things we can’t control, we become free to focus our attention on things within our control."
But how does it pertain to real life? The mom shared on Reddit exactly as it pertains to her own life. "As a mom, I think I am naturally a little high strung. It’s our intuition I think. I know what’s happening at all times even if my husband is in a deep discussion about his NFL teams new coach and I seem totally locked in." She continued, "I’m still listening as I walk towards the baby who is starting to climb up on the chair to grab him and reroute him." Standard mom stuff, right? She went on to explain that all those small moments and all the small tasks begin to add up to absolute overwhelm or what she described as the multitasking magic of a "mom brain." The problem with that is, "after time, being in the moment is a pretty hefty task itself."
The mom gave specific examples of how she applied the 'let them' theory to her own family and why it's working.
The theory, she wrote, will “set you free from the exhausting cycle of trying to manage everything and everyone around you.” Sure, it sounds almost too good to be true, but she gave concrete examples of how she applied it to real-life situations. "Trying to finish dinner up and the kids are fighting over a toy? Let them (as long as no one [is] slamming the toy on the other)."
She went on with more examples, "Husband wants to get the kids riled up before bedtime with a wrestling match? Let them. Kids want to splash in the bath? Put an extra towel down and let them." Ultimately, the worst-case scenario is all the things you are trying to prevent from happening that are going to happen already don't take up space in your already overrun mind.
This is a mindset shift. And it's a shift that isn't just beneficial to parents — it's beneficial to kids too. Letting them make choices that aren't always the choices you would pick gives them independence and autonomy. It teaches them why eating too much candy isn't a good decision instead of just giving them anxiety about being caught doing the thing mom said not to.
The 'let them' theory could help you in other aspects of your life outside of parenting and family.
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Similar to how the theory can alleviate "mom brain," it can also be applied to other aspects of your life. Everything from dating to co-worker communications can benefit from the theory because it gives you the freedom to only be responsible for yourself and your actions and responses to other people's behavior.
As Mel Robbins explained, "For too long, you’ve been working against this fundamental law of human nature — fighting to change people, battling to control situations, and worrying about what others say, think, or do. In doing so, you’ve created unnecessary stress, tension, and friction in your life and relationships."
If you're on a first date and he is rude to the waitstaff, do you get stressed out about the situation or let him take ownership of his actions? If it bothers you, you hold control of how you handle that. Perhaps it's as simple as telling him that you're not comfortable with his behavior and calling it a night.
Take a page from Robbins' book, “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations. Let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you.”
Mina Rose Morales is a writer and photojournalist with a degree in journalism. She covers a wide range of topics, including psychology, self-help, relationships, and the human experience.