5 Mind Tricks That Improve Your Darkest Moods, According To Psychology
What to do when 'positive thinking' feels like an absolute joke.
Dikushin Dmitry via Shutterstock We all feel down sometimes, even the happiest among us. Sometimes the down days take over, and you can find yourself slipping into something closer to depression. These negative thoughts can creep into our minds, slowly causing us to fall deeper into that dark space.
Fortunately, we don't have to get stuck there. Licensed psychotherapist Kristina Virro explains that it's totally normal to have our down days and shares a few simple phrases she uses to sort of psych herself out of getting stuck in that spiral where things just get darker and darker.
Five little tricks to play on your own mind when you start feeling down or depressed
1. Remember: 'Life is an absolute joke'
"If you've followed me for awhile you know that I'm a huge fan of RuPaul and his big philosophy of life is that it's like an absolute joke," begins Virro. And he's not wrong. You cannot take life too seriously or you'll sink.
When you think about life from a different perspective it might begin to feel ridiculous. After all, those problems that seem so significant now won't matter much in a few weeks.
Now, does that mean you should throw caution to the wind and no longer care? No, but understand that in life you're bound to have mishaps. Yet, understanding these inevitable setbacks and choosing to look at them from an insignificant perspective could help — even if it's just a little bit.
2. Redefine the word 'change'
Speaking of inevitable, change is always guaranteed in life. Doesn't matter how hard you fight it, your life is bound to be turned upside down from time to time.
But choosing to look at it from a different perspective could make or break those depressive thoughts.
As Virro explains, Now we can't predict if that change is going to be good or bad. But when I'm feeling stuck it's just comforting to know that one guarantee we have in life is that things change and there will be movement with the situation at some point." And honestly, how comforting is that?
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3. Allow yourself to feel tiny
While feeling "small" is generally considered a bad thing, Virro asks us to reframe this idea in our minds. The world is big, but that's a good thing. It means a lot is out of our individual control. It also means that we can make mistakes and most of the time they won't change much at all.
It's comforting to know just how insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things. Like, we are literally just specks of dirt on this great big planet. And when we think of things from this perspective it begins to feel less intimidating.
Because, let's face it, nothing you really do matters. "And sometimes that just makes me feel better," admits Virro.
4. Compare your worries to others
We've been told that we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, and that's mostly true. But sometimes we need to remind ourselves that other people go through horrible, awful things and survive and find joy again. And when you're on your death bed, most of those small pesky thoughts that follow us around won't even be on your mind.
5. Observe how little other people actually think about you
While we want to feel like we matter in people's lives, sometimes things feel super dark because we are certain someone is mad at us, is judging us or otherwise thinks we're terrible. In real life, 99% of the people we encounter don't think about us at all — and if they do, it's in passing and without much judgment at all.
Thinking positively isn't enough
The old advice of, "Just think positively," isn't very helpful. Because, the truth is, thinking positively isn't always possible. That's why tips like the five above can help. Instead of thinking positively, try to think realistically.
As mindfulness coach Melody Wilding points out, "The problem with positive thinking as an approach is that it operates at the surface level of conscious thoughts. It does nothing to contend with the subconscious mind where negative self-talk and limiting beliefs really live."
So, if we truly want to free ourselves from those depressive thoughts we must first alter our mind. And to do this we must first start with our conscious thoughts. But, how do we get there? Well, it starts with four friendly reminders
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.