I'm A Millennial And I've Noticed Gen-Z Is Too Anxious To Function In Society — 'They're Too Afraid To Say Hello'
How anxiety will ruin the Gen-Z generation if they let it.
Jordan González | Unsplash Editor's Note: This is a part of YourTango's Opinion section where individual authors can provide varying perspectives for wide-ranging political, social, and personal commentary on issues.
“I don’t know, do the college kids of today feel a little … dead to you? Compared to how your generation was?” my mom asked me.
It’s a feeling that I know she sees a lot as a professor. Her students no longer seem bright-eyed like they did when I was a collegiate. They just sit there like lumps, tired, trying to write notes — not even talking to one another.
I’ve noticed it too, most often at clubs. People don’t dance anymore, at least not at most shows. (Raves and EDM are different.) Even trying to talk to a typical 20-year-old seems like a Herculean task.
Honestly, I know I’m a blowhard and a spicy type of person. I know I tend to rub people the wrong way. But that still does not explain the strange timidity that I see in almost every Gen Z person.
It’s as if the entire generation just became terrified of people, talking, and confrontation. And it’s going to make life horrible for everyone around them.
Today’s Gen-Z generation has more social anxiety than any other prior.
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This is not just me talking. Numbers have been backing this statement for years. Today, 9 in 10 new grads avoid attending events out of sheer social anxiety.
Part of this deals with a lack of being able to handle social ambiguity — a major cornerstone of any typical relationship. With 60 percent of all Gen Z suffering from an anxiety disorder, it’s easy to see why ambiguity would mess with them.
The anxiety is real. Gen Z is so anxious, that they are now taking to online friendship ads to meet new people. Striking up a conversation at a bar or club? Not that common anymore — primarily because it’s too scary for many to attempt. Think about what that means. Let that sink in. People are too afraid to say hello.
When you’re too anxious to greet someone, is it shocking that another major social skill becomes inconceivable?
Being able to chat with someone is great and all, but what happens when you’re upset with someone? You need to confront them and voice your opinion. You also might need to be the one to take criticism. In other words, you need to be able to confront tough talks.
For a person with social anxiety, this can be one of the most terrifying things you can deal with. There’s that worry about having a bad reaction from the person next to you — or worse, not being able to handle yourself.
This has started to lead to an increase in behavior that makes it nearly impossible to function in a workplace: not being able to dole out criticism. This is usually what happens:
- You work, work, work.
- You ask for feedback. Everything’s great! Ooh! They love your work.
- You’re suddenly let go because you’re “not working out,” and they cite quality issues.
- You ask why they didn’t say anything. They mumble out something and look uncomfortable.
If you are a manager, you also know the uncomfortable behavior of a person who flips out when you critique them. It’s bad. And it makes working with others a nightmare.
fizkes / Shutterstock
That lack of confrontation also bled into romantic and platonic friendships. This makes it really hard for Gen Z to maintain any friendships that aren’t shallow.
Friendships require hard talks. If you can’t have them, you’re going to be alone. I’d much rather have a person tell me, “Ossiana, you’re making me uncomfortable. Knock it off,” than just be ghosted. I mean, I’m neurodivergent. I don’t always know how to handle social situations and if I trigger PTSD or overshare, I apologize and avoid doing it again.
For many Gen Z kids, even speaking up about this is too much. The days of being able to say “Stop it!” seem to be over. This is not good because it also means most Gen Z adults will get more timid and more upset the more they’re ghosted. After all, how would they ever be able to tell why they were ghosted?
To make matters worse, the Gen-Z generation is not used to holding a conversation or flirting.
If you were like me, 2020 and the Covid pandemic had a strange effect on your social skills. It made it harder for me to communicate effectively because my husband and I were in lockdown for so long without speaking to many other people.
I’m still awkward with my conversation. Most of the time, I just smile, overshare, or ramble. And yet, I tend to be a better conversationalist than a lot of the adults of Gen Z.
I can’t name how many people in their early 20s gave an awkward laugh and said, “Sorry, I’m awkward.” The result of all this is not something anyone wants to deal with. We’re seeing a very significant portion of the population that cannot:
- Say hello and introduce themselves to people
- Flirt
- Confront or criticize others in a constructive manner
- Regulate emotions
- Determine what’s normal and reasonable in social settings
That’s a disaster waiting to happen. It’s not waiting to happen. It is happening. And it’s causing teachers to quit, people to suffer from mental illness, and the dating scene to collapse.
Virtually every single job requires some semblance of social skills. This means that a lot of people are going to be undesirable.
What’s going to happen when Gen-Z's social issues become unsustainable?
I don’t know. I don’t know how our society can survive with so many people in dire need of help. I don’t know how our society can survive if we can’t talk to each other. If you ask me, this is already not sustainable.
There are not enough therapists to put everyone in treatment. The economy makes it hard to actually go out and meet people at traditional venues like clubs, malls, or sports teams.
The birth rate is going down. People’s mental health is eroding.
You cannot run a society where most people do not participate. You cannot run a school where half the kids are too anxious to complain and the other half are going bonkers because no one tells them no. You cannot run a company if you can’t tell people that they are failing.
The only thing I can say with certainty is that the population will decline. After all, you can’t reproduce if you can’t get a date. Deaths of despair are also heavily linked to loneliness and social anxiety.
fizkes / Shutterstock
And yet, I can’t figure out a solution that would be feasible. In order to fix this, we would have to have a society-wide, legally-backed series of changes. It would have to start with people demanding consequences — be it failing out of schools, expulsions, or getting fired when they can’t critique.
Then, the government would have to give us a basic income and go after companies that overcharge on basics like food and shelter so people have enough spending money to go out and have fun.
Every single person affected by this would also have to make a personal decision to reach out to others. It would mean that people actively seek out ways to meet new people and invest in developing better social skills. It also means that people would need to go out of their comfort zones.
I’d even go so far as to tell parents to stop worrying about “stranger danger,” considering that the people most likely to victimize their kids are in their immediate circles. Maybe it’s not the wisest thing to paint every unrecognizable face as a potential killer.
If I had some advice for Gen Z, it’d be to go out and do the thing. Get help and learn to go out.
The more you go out, the less scary it is, the more you interact with others, the less intimidating it is. And please, speak up when you’re not happy. No one will make friends for you.
But what do I know? I’m just a socially awkward weirdo who writes.
If you or somebody that you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, there is a way to get help. Call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or text "HELLO" to 741741 to be connected with the Crisis Text Line.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.