Men Reveal What Makes A Woman Look Too Desperate
If these points sound familiar, you may be too needy.
Anel Alijagic / Shutterstock When you're a woman who's falling in love with a man, it can be devastating if he tells you out of what seems like nowhere that you're coming off as desperate and needy.
Being told you're too needy in relationships is never a pleasant thing to hear. That statement is laced with all kinds of negative connotations you probably don't believe apply to you.
According to the literal definition, being emotionally needy means "marked by want of affection, attention, or emotional support."
However, neediness and desperation as core personality traits are not the same as sometimes displaying needy behavior. And when a guy calls a woman needy, he's usually referring to the way her needy behavior is affecting him.
Here are five possible reasons a man might call a woman desperate:
1. You rely on him for your happiness
A lot of men and women have a preconceived notion that if x and y would only happen, all their other problems would go away. Many single women assume life would suddenly be perfect if they met the right guy. It's an idealistic idea of what relationships can do.
But imagine what it would be like if you met someone wonderful and were told that their happiness was entirely dependent on you. How would that feel? It's a huge amount of pressure to put on anyone.
Humans aren't perfect. We all say and do the wrong things at times. If you expect a man to keep you happy and treat you according to a standard of perfection 100 percent of the time, he's going to see you as desperate and needy, and it won't bode well for either of you.
2. You don't give him the independence he needs
The main reason men are afraid of commitment is because they fear a loss of freedom.
When you enter any romantic relationship, you try actively to merge your two lives together, and that process will no doubt come across bumps along the way. As this occurs, many men find themselves suddenly afraid of losing their sense of identity and worried that being in a relationship will rob them of time with their boys.
Under these circumstances, when a guy says a woman is too needy, he may be unconsciously expressing his feelings of fear and resentment about having to give up full autonomy over his time and his plans.
3. He feels suffocated and burdened
When you enter a relationship, two don't necessarily become one.
My idea of a healthy relationship is one in which two people can remain independent. If a woman relies on her partner to fill all of her free time, that can be suffocating for someone who needs his own space and time alone to rejuvenate.
Despite all the love and affection you each feel, feeling pressured to spend every waking moment together and to check in frequently on those occasions when you're apart can quickly turn a relationship from warm to stifling.
4. You're emotionally high maintenance
People who are emotionally needy require near-constant reassurances in order to calm their deeply rooted insecurities.
Maybe it's that they need constant validation or that they are easily charged or anxious. What it means for the guy is that he'll become emotionally exhausted trying not to step on eggshells while simultaneously attempting to help you feel better about yourself.
This is why men love confident women, because being whole, confident women leave them plenty of energy to explore becoming the man he truly wants to be.
5. He needs more space
Some people need space more than others, and women who are perceived as 'needy' are those who tend to take over other people's personal space.
Some men feel fulfilled in their relationships by seeing their girlfriend two or three times per week, whereas she may want to see him twice as often. That can cause a great deal of conflict between two people, which is why I recommend couples have conversations about their expectations openly and honestly right from the very beginning.
Both parties need to communicate what it takes for them to feel happy and secure in a relationship so neither will face surprises in this regard down the road.
Iona Yeung is a dating and relationship coach for single women who need a little guidance to attract the love they deeply crave.