Men Discuss The 8 ‘Depressing’ Things About Being A Man That Women Would Struggle With Most
Rarely, it seems, do we talk about the experiences that men go through.
loreanto | Shutterstock Nowadays, it's normal for women to come together and discuss their experiences existing in a patriarchal society, whether that's commiserating over the gender pay gap, outdated societal expectations, or the all-too-frequent gender-based violence committed by men.
Yet, it's not often discussed how the patriarchy affects men because, despite how much privilege they hold in this world, it does. Men on Reddit discussed often-overlooked aspects of existing as a man that women would dislike most.
Here are 8 'depressing' things about being a man that women would struggle with most:
1. Trying to convince others that they're not dangerous, scary, or creepy
"Constantly worrying about not looking like a creep. I’m a 5 feet 10 inches, 225-pound muscular Black dude. I know that I’m probably the last person a woman wants to see walking behind them while they are alone at night.
"I work in retail, so there [are] times where I will walk around the store just to avoid walking behind women to make them feel better. Just to be clear, I’m not saying that women aren’t justified for being wary. I completely understand why they might feel that way but it just sucks constantly trying to make sure I don’t accidentally look like a creep."
2. Being viewed as suspicious when playing with children
While women are seen as loving and affectionate when interacting with kids, a lot of men revealed that the same attributes are not associated with them. Instead, they're seen as creepy or suspicious.
"I’m an uncle and always dreaded when the little dudes would want to go play at the park. Everyone would be looking at me, a middle-aged man, wondering why I’m at the park."
Another man added, "I don't have any kids, but I've noticed that I have hit the age where if I see a kid doing something funny/silly and I smile at them, their mom will give me a look like I am some creep."
3. Not being seen as the primary parent despite being an active presence in their kids' lives
Iryna Inshyna | Shutterstock
"Being treated like a second-rate parent even if you're the only parent."
"I was a stay-at-home dad. I told the teachers that when I met them at the beginning of the year. I was listed first in primary contacts," another man shared. "The number of times the school called my wife at work and then she called me so I could go pick up a sick kid was too high."
4. Being treated like they're going above and beyond as a parent when they're doing the bare minimum
"[The] flipside has been that sometimes I'm just chilling with my kids at the park and get told I'm the best dad ever. Like I'm doing the bare minimum right now, ma'am. This is the floor of what I should be praised for, not the ceiling."
Another dad chimed in, saying, "I noticed this when I had custody of the kids after we separated. I was a hero for attempting what millions of single moms have been doing forever. And it was in the eyes of women that my status was elevated while many of them were looking down their noses at the single moms. Double standard for sure."
5. Having to be the 'hero' and defend their family in terrifying situations
"This is one of those things that's hard to relay. When there's a strange noise outside or at the front door, I have to be the one who goes to check it out. It's nothing more often than not, but you're always thinking that if it is, you best do something about it because if you don't there's nothing standing between whatever it is and your family."
"It's the kinda thought that makes me anxious about traveling with the family, too. Again, I can rationalize that there is almost never a problem, but the slimmest chance still brings anxiety."
6. Feeling uncomfortable with being emotionally vulnerable and showing emotion
"It's absolutely insane to me how women are allowed to be vulnerable near one another, and they grow closer due to it, but the second a man is vulnerable near them the man becomes lesser in a way. As if we're not all just people at the end of the day."
7. Not receiving compliments
"Lots of us don't get touched and don't get complimented. It hurts, but 'We Are Men' and we do not talk about such things."
Another man added, "You may go a year or ten without a single compliment. Many men are lying in their caskets before many good things are ever said about them."
8. Not being able to find emotional support or camaraderie
"How lonely it is being a man. The only intimacy I get is from women I date."
"The crushing loneliness," another Redditor wrote. "I've seen many trans men talking about how they were completely unprepared for how little social network men have and how isolated they feel because of it."
This isn't a trauma Olympics. At the end of the day, all of these experiences and revelations are proof that our patriarchal society hurts both men and women, albeit in vastly different ways.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.