6 Ways To Manage The Emotional Fallout Of Holiday Gatherings
Manage stress, expectations, and emotional landmines to survive the holidays.
Rizky Sabriansyah | Canva For some, the holidays bring joyful celebration, connection, and warmth — a scene straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting. But for many, the holidays represent loneliness, resurfaced old hurts, anxiety, stress, and dread. The contrast between what the holidays should look like and the often messy reality can feel overwhelming.
Holidays tend to amplify dysfunctional family dynamics, estranged relationships, and an almost crushing pressure to make everything “perfect.” Parents, in particular, often exhaust themselves trying to keep up with the “Joneses,” crafting a picture-perfect, magical experience for their kids—all while juggling financial strain and the emotional toll of the season. For those grieving a loss or navigating a divorce, the holidays can feel like a glaring spotlight on what’s missing.
It’s no wonder the American Psychological Association (APA) reports that 89% of adults find the holiday season stressful with nearly 41% experiencing heightened depression or anxiety, and financial strain looms large, and 58% of Americans feeling burdened by holiday spending. Here are some strategies from the therapist’s chair for those whose holidays feel less “deck the halls” and more “bah humbug.”
Six daily ways to manage the emotional fallout of the holidays
1. Manage expectations
Be clear about what you can and can’t do for yourself and your family — and stick to it. If visiting relatives feels like too much, decline with kindness and free yourself from guilt. A study in the Journal of Psychosocial Nursing and Mental Health Services suggests simplifying your plans to prioritize peace of mind over perfection.
2. Prioritize self-care
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You can’t pour from an empty cup. Amid personal and professional celebrations, carve out quiet time to rest and recharge. Whether it’s enjoying a cup of tea in silence or a walk in nature, prioritize what replenishes your energy.
3. Don’t overextend yourself emotionally or financially
If Uncle Bob’s holiday party always devolves into a political debate, it’s OK to skip it this year. Politely decline or suggest a family memo banning controversial topics at gatherings. Financially, remember that January’s bills will come no matter how many “perfect” gifts you buy. Create and stick to a holiday budget, prioritizing thoughtful over extravagant.
4. Avoid emotional landmines
Rehashing old arguments or unresolved family drama rarely ends well, as explained by a study in the Family Relations Journal. If conversations with certain relatives consistently lead to hurt feelings, disengage. Try saying, “Let’s focus on enjoying the holiday now and work on these issues with a therapist in the new year.”
5. Set boundaries and stick to them
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Boundaries are essential for navigating tricky holiday dynamics, as shown by a study in the Journal of Professional Psychology. If past sleepovers with cousins have led to arguments and blame, politely decline or set clear limits to create a more positive experience for everyone. Boundaries help prevent the kind of stress that lingers long after the decorations are packed away.
6. Focus on what brings you joy
Let go of the idea that December will magically fix strained relationships or difficult circumstances. Instead, lean into the parts of the season that genuinely make you happy — whether it’s baking cookies, decorating, or spending time with supportive loved ones.
The holidays can bring moments of joy and connection, but they don’t have to be perfect. Prioritize self-compassion, manage your expectations, and focus on what truly matters. You’re allowed to say no, set limits, and embrace the things that make you happy.
Monica Ramunda is the owner of Rocky Mountain Counseling Services, with over 24 years of experience supporting individuals through anxiety, depression, and life transitions. Monica is also the co-founder of Wellness and Wisdom Journeys, offering transformative psychedelic retreats for women.