Man Tells His Roommate He Doesn't Cook For Her, He Cooks For Him And His Girlfriend — But They All Split The Cost Of Groceries
The roommate behaved like a “backseat cook,” making picky comments about a meal that wasn’t just for her.
zoranm / Canva Pro Roommate dynamics get complicated from time to time, highlighting the significance of open communication and a willingness to listen. They can get especially complicated when a couple is involved.
After one man was open to cooking for himself, his girlfriend, and his roommate, the roommate began asserting her preferences in his meals, so he candidly set the record straight.
He took to Reddit to ask if he was wrong in explaining why he doesn’t cook according to his roommate’s preferences.
In the AITA post, the man, 21, said he lives with his 20-year-old girlfriend, who he referred to as E, and his 31-year-old roommate, who he referred to as A.
He explained that outside personal food items, they all contribute equally to a monthly ‘house food’ budget, consisting of food products they are all free to share.
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A couple of weeks ago, he said he made a simple spaghetti dinner for himself and his girlfriend, using noodles and sauce from their shared house food. He said A was working until late that night, and he and his girlfriend ended up eating all the food.
“When A came home, she saw the dirty pot in the sink and made a comment about being sad there was none saved for her,” the man wrote in his post. “I asked if she wanted me to save some for her next time I made it, but she didn't really give me a straight answer. I got the feeling she wanted me to, though, so I made a mental note to do that next time I made spaghetti and moved on.”
A few days later, he cooked pork chops for dinner, and since his girlfriend wasn’t hungry for her portion, he offered it to A when she arrived home.
“She accepted; however, when she put the food in the microwave to warm it, she made a face as the smell hit her,” he said. “She tried not to let me see, but I could tell she wasn't thrilled.”
Since then, A has begun offering suggestions to the man on how to better season his food.
“Whenever we're in the kitchen together, and I'm cooking, she's been kind of hovering over my shoulder and trying to give me advice,” he said. “And honestly, sometimes it's good advice.”
He didn’t mind her suggestions, as he was open to learning new cooking techniques and skills.
“However, she gave me an attitude whenever I didn't do something how she wanted or liked,” he added. “It was always subtle and unspoken until yesterday.”
He was cooking spaghetti again, and he explained he prefers to keep the noodles and sauce separate to allow others to serve themselves based on their specific preferences. A, however, suggested that he mix the noodles and sauce together.
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“I told her that wasn't how I make it,” he said. “She told me that she liked it better when it was pre-mixed, and here's where I maybe went too far.”
“I told her I don't care how she likes it because I wasn't cooking it for her,” he stated. “I told her that when I cook, mine and my girlfriend’s preferences are the only things I consider because the food is being made for us, not for her.”
He then told her that if she didn’t like this, she could make her own food. The roommate took offense to this and stormed off, and his girlfriend suggested his tone was a bit abrasive. While his delivery may have hurt his roommate’s feelings, his response was a natural reaction to someone offering unwanted advice for a meal that wasn’t for her.
Reddit users agreed that these conflicts can arise when sharing house food with roommates.
While the man isn’t obligated to cook anything for his roommate because they all contribute financially to certain house food products, a conflict like this is inevitable.
Some Reddit users argued that it’s best to keep certain house foods separate from each other to avoid running into this issue, but others agreed that sharing basic food products with roommates is common and beneficial, as it reduces cost and unnecessary food waste.
However, others suggested that A is fully capable of cooking for herself, and if she truly doesn’t like the way the man prepares his meals, she can easily request he only use enough product to cook for himself and his girlfriend so she can cook to her preferences.
“Even if OP is cooking for everyone and not just him and his girlfriend, it sounds like the roommate is trying to control it in very nitpicky ways,” someone commented on the post. “Sounds like she's back-seat cooking, and if it's really that important to her, she should cook her own.”
Having a good relationship with roommates is all about communication.
According to Mental Health America, problems will arise with roommates; it's only natural. To maintain harmony and a happy living situation, it's imperative to have open communication and clear guidelines and boundaries for each member of the household.
For some households, a clear roommate contract that outlines any and all obligations can help avoid conflicts. For others, that's too rigid. If a conflict should arise, however, it's important to address the problem, but never when emotions are running high. Unfortunately, that's where this man went awry. Once things cool off, he should apologize and then work with A to come up with a solution together that will work for everyone.
Regardless of the communal food products used and the subsequent conflict, cooking can be a laborious process in itself. The man was kind enough to consider making enough food for his roommate so as not to exclude her on multiple occasions. He even took some of A’s suggestions into consideration.
Suffice it to say, she was bold to be picky about how the man wanted to prepare the meal, seeing as he was the one cooking it. While his approach could have certainly been gentler, he was valid to communicate this boundary before her behavior continued to get out of hand.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.