Man Ostracized At Work After Refusing To Date A Pregnant Woman That A Colleague Set Him Up With
"I just don’t want to be a stepfather."
syedfahadghazanfar | Shutterstock Everyone has dealbreakers when it comes to relationships and dating. One man decided that he couldn’t pursue a relationship with a pregnant woman, which led to some nasty talk about him around the office.
The man was ostracized at work after refusing to date a pregnant woman.
In a since-deleted Reddit post, the 27-year-old man explained that his colleague Richard set him up on a date with his family friend Sarah.
"On the date, I thought she was really fun and we seemed to be pretty compatible," he wrote. "We had a good time, and I was actually looking forward to seeing her again."
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It was during their second date that Sarah dropped a bomb on the Redditor, revealing that she was four months pregnant. "I wasn’t sure how to handle it," he admitted. "I took a long time to process it and didn’t know how to reply."
Ultimately, though he felt no ill will towards Sarah, he decided that her being pregnant was a dealbreaker. “I just don’t want to date someone with a child,” he stated. “Not because of some spicy reason. I just don’t want to be a stepfather.”
"Honestly," he added, "I don't think I could love someone else's child like my own."
He finished the date and at the end, when she asked about planning a third date, he ended the budding relationship. "I had to be honest and told her that I didn’t want to continue the relationship because I don’t see myself taking on the huge responsibility of being a stepfather," he recounted.
His colleague, Richard, who had set the pair up, was angry at the outcome.
“Afterward, Richard was furious with me,” the Redditor wrote. “He told me that Sarah had been cheated on by her husband, and during the divorce, she found out she was pregnant. She didn’t want to keep the baby because she didn’t want to raise it alone, but all her friends, including Richard, persuaded her to keep it, saying that there are plenty of good guys out there who would step up.”
Richard thought one of those good guys was his colleague, and by setting this boundary, he felt his colleague proved him wrong.
"At that point, I was frustrated," he shared. "I didn't even know she was pregnant before the date, and now I'm being pushed into this situation. I told Richard that while I feel bad for Sarah, it's not my responsibility to fix her situation. I'm still figuring things out, and I'm not ready to be with someone who's pregnant."
While this should have been the end of the issue, the man noticed some changes around the office after their discussion.
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“I started noticing my colleagues giving me the cold shoulder,” he said. “One of them told me that Richard had been telling people I almost caused a pregnant woman to lose her child because of my behavior.” Given the gravity of these rumors, the Redditor is considering going to HR about the issue.
The Redditor was not obligated to pursue a relationship with Sarah.
As many commenters pointed out, Richard withheld important information when setting up the date between his colleague and Sarah. Had the Redditor known about the pregnancy beforehand, he likely wouldn't have gone on the date, saving Sarah from getting hurt.
Ultimately, it is not this man’s responsibility to step in and care for a baby that is not his. "You do not have to date anyone you don't want to, and certainly aren't obligated to start a family with someone on a first date," one user pointed out.
It's better that he made his stance clear now, rather than leading the woman on and causing more pain later.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.