Man Explains Why Wanting A Wife And Kids Is ‘Selfish’
He claimed that most men don't realize why they should have a different mindset when it comes to a wife and kids.
Ground Picture | Shutterstock The pinnacle of life for many people is being able to meet their forever partner and start a family together. Most of the time, when it comes to being able to have a family, we mostly see women talking about the endless joy they'll feel once they become mothers, cherishing the bonds they'll have with their children one day. In the same breath, it's also mostly mothers who end up warning women not to make motherhood their entire identity and dream, especially when they're still young and have a life to live.
Rarely, though, do we hear this same sentiment from men. In a TikTok video, a man named Kody pointed out that the mentality too many men have when it comes to starting a family and having a wife ends up not working in their favor because they're not actually thinking about the responsibilities and demands that accompany having both a wife and kids.
A man explained why wanting a wife and kids is 'selfish.'
In his video, Kody explained that he once had a mentor who asked him what is something that he wants out of life. At first, Kody admitted that he one day wanted to have a wife and kids. He was about to explain some of his other desires and goals for the future but was promptly interrupted by his mentor. Kody recalled that his mentor claimed that he "said it wrong."
Confused, Kody pointed out that he only said two things and was sure that he'd said them in the right order, but his mentor refused to hear it. He told Kody that it wasn't what he said but how he said it. "You're not gonna have that if that's how you say it," he remembered his mentor saying to him. At the time, Kody insisted that he didn't understand what his mentor was trying to say. He was 16 years old and didn't see anything wrong with wanting a wife and children.
"He goes, 'You said you want a wife and kids? You didn't start off by saying, 'I want to be a husband and a father.' He said, 'That comes with responsibilities, and a lot of people ignore that. A lot of people don't place those building blocks to hold up those responsibilities beforehand, and they're the ones trying to rebuild their life.'"
The man's theory is easily proven by the number of wives and mothers who are burdened with most of the parenting and household responsibilities.
A poll from the University of Chicago Harris School of Public Policy and The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research found that although women generally expect to do more in their household, Americans without children are still more optimistic that they would share responsibilities equally with a partner compared with what parents report actually happens.
The poll asked about eight specified household responsibilities and found that 35% of mothers report doing more than their partner for all eight, compared with just 3% of fathers who report the same. For instance, about half of mothers said they are completely or mostly responsible for providing transportation to their kids. In contrast, only about a quarter of fathers said they are responsible for all or most of it. Mothers and fathers also had different ideas about who does the bulk of household chores. For instance, 21% of mothers said they and their partner both equally attend to children if they wake up at night, while 49% of fathers said the same thing.
However, researchers who worked on the poll found that women were honestly reporting their levels of responsibility. Husbands refusing to show up for their wives contribute to the fact that too many women feel burnt out and overwhelmed at home.
The man's mindset about fatherhood and being a husband completely changed.
"I'm gonna break it down to you. You don't have to be a father or husband or have a wife and kids to chase those qualities," Kody said. "Those qualities are for a good man. I think most men, given the opportunity, would change everybody's lives around them. For most men, like I said, it's an absolute cheat code."
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Kody encouraged men to pursue the same responsibilities and qualities that come with being good husbands and fathers, even if they don't have kids. By doing that, they're becoming good men, which is always more important. He insisted that a man can't pursue those two things without putting in the work first.
"Just keep those words in your head. I guarantee you, they grow on you so much faster than you can ever imagine. It'll be your entire mindset in a matter of no time," Kody continued. "Looking at everything and building blocks, what do I need before I take on this responsibility? What do I need before I take on this feat that I want to accomplish my goals."
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.