Man Ditches Girlfriend At A Restaurant Because She Didn’t ‘Tame’ Her Natural Hair
The incident highlights broader issues around beauty standards, self-expression, and respect in relationships.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Dates are a great time to get dressed up in a way that makes you feel beautiful, but one woman's Reddit post explored what it might mean when what makes you feel beautiful doesn't check your date's boxes.
In her post, the 21-year-old woman shared how her boyfriend abandoned her at a restaurant because she didn't style her natural hair to his liking.
The woman's boyfriend ditched her on a dinner date because he didn't approve of her hairstyle.
The woman explained that her 22-year-old boyfriend of just four weeks left her alone at a restaurant despite the couple's plans to meet the boyfriend’s friends for a bite to eat.
"Before I got there, he had already ordered for both of us. Everything seemed fine until about ten minutes later when I went to the bathroom," she wrote. "When I came back, his friends told me he 'stepped out,' but I’m sure they knew what was going on based on their expressions."
She went on to explain, "I waited about 15 minutes before he replied to my texts. And ended up leaving money to pay for food I didn’t even get to eat."
Reddit
Leaving her for seemingly no good reason, you'd think that an emergency came up — but it was much worse than that. According to the boyfriend’s text messages, it was her natural hair, and to be more specific, it was because she wore it “in a puff.”
The woman shared a text revealing her boyfriend's shallow nature.
In the text thread between the two partners, the boyfriend made her well aware of his disappointment in her hair. He proudly admitted that it made him upset to go to nice restaurants with her when she wore her hair in its natural state. He claimed he preferred that she “tame” or style her to his liking, sending her a picture of an AI-generated woman with groomed hair as an example of what he had envisioned.
"This was my third time wearing my hair in its natural state since we’ve dated, and I didn’t know he felt so strongly about this," the woman responded.
Now, ladies, if your respective partner has to compare your looks to someone else, especially an AI-generated photo of an unreal woman, that is the cue to leave. As one commenter succinctly put it, "You mean your ex boyfriend right? Girl you are not over reacting."
In his jaw-dropping words, “I know it’s your natural hair, but I see girls your complexion with their hair done, and it makes me wish it was for us.” This unbelievable statement not only showed his true colors but showed his want for her to conform to beauty standards.
However, what's even more disappointing than this was his thought process. Instead of expressing himself to her directly, he abandoned her with a bunch of strangers and then texted her he left because he didn't like how she looked. Sure, he is shallow, but what's worse, he's a coward.
The bigger issue relates to societal pressures and unrealistic beauty standards.
The reason this boyfriend's horrific behavior has garnered such a strong reaction is because it brings to light the societal pressures women face, especially women of color. For many Black women, wearing their hair in its natural state is not only a personal choice but an act of defiance against Eurocentric beauty standards. There should be no pressure to alter or “tame,” as the boyfriend stated, their natural hair.
Despite the fact that the natural hair movement has gained significant strides, this shallow boyfriend is a clear indication that there are plenty who still hold an unachievable vision of how women should look — he couldn't even send her an inspiration photo of a real woman!
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The societal pressure to conform to Eurocentric beauty standards bleeds into all aspects of life. A 2020 Michigan State University study found about 80% of Black women say they alter their hair from its natural state because they consider it essential to social and economic success.
The boyfriend’s actions sparked a conversation about an even broader issue: the intersection of beauty standards, race, and relationships. For many women, being in their natural state represents self-love, which they also wish to share with their partners. When their partner wishes for them to conform to a certain beauty standard and change their natural appearance, it is the ultimate rejection.
The young woman’s story has not only raised the important topics of boundaries and respect but also having certain expectations from your partner as well. When two people come together, there should be a level of comfort where both partners feel they can be their authentic selves. This is how good relationships thrive, not just romantic ones.
Erika Ryan is a writer working on her bachelor's degree in Journalism. She is based in Florida and covers relationships, psychology, self-help, and human interest topics.