8 Life Luxuries You Can Only Give Yourself
Nobody has to become the best version of themselves, it’s just a luxury to do so.
Jessiebelle, abluecup | Canva Luxuries are often provided by external entities. You want to make a statement, so you buy a Rolex. You want to arrive in style, so you buy a Rolls Royce. Those are nice, but that’s not what I’m talking about today.
There are some luxuries that can only be provided to you by you. Meaning you enforce the conditions to make them happen so you can reap the benefits. These types of luxuries are unconventional and not necessarily what pops into mind when you think of the word “luxury.” But the key to a more fulfilling existence lives within them.
Here are 8 luxuries that only you can give yourself:
1. The luxury of starting over.
Everyone knows the saying, “We all make mistakes,” but sometimes, those mistakes come with a severe penalty that forces us to start over.
Like what happened to me in 2019. Well, it started in 2015… I joined a religious cult without knowing. At the time, I was on track to becoming a professional footballer (soccer). I had already walked away from one professional and refused to finish my trial at another pro club because I didn’t wanna be out of proximity of my new “church.” By the time I left in 2019, I had no friends, no future in football, and since I didn’t do much education, no clear direction in where my life was headed. But I had an opportunity to rebuild from scratch.
Starting over is a luxury because most people don’t do it. Rather they become uptight and fearful of their inability or misfortune. Many end up dwelling on the past. And it takes them years, and sometimes decades, to recover — if they ever do. Finding yourself in a position where you’ve messed up so badly that the only option is to start over is a blessing. It’s a luxury because most people don’t take advantage of it. From this point, you have an opportunity to redesign your life the way you want it.
2. The luxury of saying 'No' to attractive opportunities.
To anyone keen on pushing the boundaries and making something of themselves, there will come a time in life when an abundance of opportunities will come your way simultaneously. They’ll be so good that the old you would think you’re a mad person to turn them down. But the right thing to do will be to turn them down. Why? It shows self-control and focus.
You’re not bound by “things,” but rather, by purpose. There’s no price tag on your morals and values. As Epictetus once said, “Curb your desire — don't set your heart on so many things and you will get what you need." This is not a ploy to settle for less — It's a charge to moderate your desires to achieve true fulfillment and peace.
Once you’ve set a goal to achieve something, everything else that comes your way but doesn’t move you closer to its attainment is just a distraction. Being able to say “No” to these is a luxury because most people can’t — their desires have the better of them.
3. The luxury of creation.
Stephen Covey, the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, once said, “All things are created twice; first mentally; then physically. The key to creativity is to begin with the end in mind, with a vision and a blueprint of the desired result.”
Humankind are the only living beings capable of this phenomenon. No other creature can imagine things that don’t exist and use that imagination to create something out of nothing. This is why Albert Einstein famously said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.”
Creation is a fundamental trait of our nature. But most people don’t get to exercise theirs. They live in a closed environment, unaware of their capabilities. They’re unable to put their imagination into the real world — not because they’re incapable, but because they’ve placed limits on their mind. Being able to create is a luxury. You can choose to enhance other people’s creations or you can build your own.
4. The luxury of the unknown.
Studies have shown that as people age, they become increasingly less open to having new experiences. According to Harvard psychologist William James, this usually happens when people hit 30 and beyond. In his book, The Principles of Psychology, Williams wrote, “In most of us, by the age of thirty, the character has set like plaster, and will never soften again.”
His point is that people often stop having first experiences as they approach their 30s. They stop engaging in new roles and environments, taking on new challenges, and experiencing new emotions. As a result, their personality becomes fixed, and their life becomes highly routine and predictable.
The reason veering into the unknown is a luxury is because most people don’t do it. They’re always in the known. They feel comfortable. They don’t put themselves in new situations. Here’s the catch… It’s in the unknown where the most personally enriching experiences occur. Giving yourself the luxury of the unknown is about discovering the world at your own pace. It’s about constantly opening yourself up to new experiences. Most people are starved of this luxury purely because they’ve become content where they are.
5. The luxury of self-imposed consequences.
For the first part of your life, higher authorities impose consequences on you. For example, my parents never let me play out on the street if I hadn’t done my house chores and homework. As you become older, these consequences reduce until they completely vanish. It’s inconceivable to imagine anyone telling me I can’t go out without cleaning the house or giving me a detention for using swear words. But this is a dilemma for many people.
Most never grow out of having consequences imposed on them. There needs to be external consequences imposed on them to function efficiently. Any action outside this structure feels incredibly dangerous or unrewarding, so they don’t try. Just think about all the people who give up opportunities to do something great.
Les Brown painted this image perfectly when he said: “The graveyard is the richest place on earth because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.”
When people come from premade structures, they struggle to enforce self-imposed consequences. This is why it’s a luxury to do it… It’s about holding yourself accountable for the outcomes in your life. Here is where real progress happens. Like Epictetus once said, "No man is free who is not master of himself." To become a master of yourself, you must make yourself accountable. Exercise your luxury of self-imposed consequences.
6. The luxury of authenticity.
The world does its best to tell everyone how they should look and present themselves. For example, who said suits are the most formal wear? Exactly.
Authenticity is when you’ve proven yourself to yourself and feel no need to supplement your image with visual cues to convey a particular narrative. Most people are unwilling to be authentic because it relies on vulnerability. They’re not willing to lay their cards on the table. They’re afraid of judgment. Thus, expressing your luxury of authenticity means you’ve taken on the responsibility to fully display your capabilities and what you have to offer the world or your environment.
You’re a complete individual who knows what you bring to the table and willingly sacrifices it for the greater good. Once again, it’s a luxury because you don’t have to be authentic. You can decide to fit in like everybody else does.
7. The luxury of new friends.
Fans couldn't get enough when Drake dropped his lead single, "No New Friends," from the Suffering from Success album. It felt like everywhere I went, I’d hear someone say, “No new friends, no new friends, no new friends, no, no new.” I won’t lie… I even started saying it myself. While it brainwashed many of his fans into thinking they must keep the same circle they’ve always had, Drake has gone on to form tons of new relationships that have helped him take his career to greater heights. But it’s not only Drake fans who are victims of this…
Many people believe the friends they meet in their teens and twenties are the ones they’ll have for the rest of time. Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert calls this the end-of-history illusion. It’s a psychological illusion in which people imagine who they are right now to be who they’ll always be for the rest of their lives. Not only is it faulty thinking, but it’s also the cause of terrible decision-making and stalled growth.
Making new friends is a luxury because you don’t have to do it. You don’t have to open up to new perspectives or make an effort. But doing that’s where growth is. There’s a huge chance the people in your childhood circle won’t have the resources to do the things you’ve always dreamed of doing. To continue developing and becoming a more interesting person, you’ll need to give yourself the luxury of new friends.
8. The luxury of progress.
Everyone claims to want to be a better version of themselves. But most people achieve far less than what they hoped for in their life. This occurs because most people are comfortable and content with how their life looks. They don’t strive to be better and take risks. For them, doing activities that make them better is a chore.
This is why making progress is a luxury. You’re giving yourself a shot at a better quality of life. Most people don’t do this — even if that’s what they say they want. In reality, they would rather be average because that’s what they’re committed to.
Final thoughts:
There are some luxuries that nobody else but yourself can give you. Most people wouldn’t look at the luxuries I’ve listed and think they’re special. But if you think about it, that’s what makes them special. Nobody has to become the best version of themselves, it’s just a luxury to do so. Nobody is going to put a gun to your head and force you to carry out the things I’ve listed. But if you do them, your life will be far better than you could ever imagine.
Kurtis Pykes is a professional writer and author of the free e-book Don’t Just Set Goals, Build Systems. He's had articles featured on Medium, Nvidia blog, DataCamp, and neptune.ai, among many others.