7 Little Things Toxic People Are Simply Incapable Of Doing
Toxic people have a very hard grasping these concepts.
Dean Drobot | Canva I want to quickly highlight seven things that make toxic people jealous of you:
- You have something I value
- I don't have it, and I believe I can't
- I don't have enough courage to take the responsibility and work on having it
It's not the qualities, in and of themselves, that cause jealousy; it's a toxic inability to be brave enough to grasp these admirable life concepts.
Here are 7 little things toxic people are simply incapable of doing:
1. Having emotional maturity
Here's emotional immaturity in short:
- Refusing to take responsibility or to be held accountable
- Being impulsive
- Being self-centered
When someone emotionally immature meets an emotionally mature person, they get reminded of their shortcomings. Even if they never tell you, toxic people are jealous of your emotional maturity because it's what they lack. Toxic people envy others because they do not have enough courage to develop emotional maturity.
2. Having courage
If I were to substitute "courage and boldness" with one word, it would be honesty. And if Carl Jung were to substitute psychotherapy for one thing, it would be honesty — his words, not mine.
"Genuine moral effort is a substitute for psychotherapy." — Carl Jung
Also: "The practical approach for developing your shadow, fundamentally, is radical honesty."
This is not a surprise. Honesty is one of the things that requires courage and, at times, boldness. It takes courage to self-reflect, be clear with yourself, have hard conversations, live authentically, and not lie. It takes boldness to make critical decisions in your life. So, it's not a surprise to find healing on the other side of honesty.
It's also not a surprise that toxic people lack enough courage and boldness to live in an honest way that brings about healing and stability. They live in lies, deceptions, betrayal, and manipulation. They do these things to themselves before they do them to anyone around them.
3. Having boundaries
Boundaries are one of the most misunderstood topics. First, they don't mean being rigid; they're not meant to keep people away from you. More importantly, they're within your sphere of control.
Toxic people, in general, have either low or too rigid of boundaries. That is because they're not good at identifying what is their responsibility and what is not. Because they'll either want to invade your boundaries or feel like you're invading theirs, they'll feel uncomfortable (and resent you). Strong, healthy boundaries annoy them not only because that's something they lack but also because they challenge their unhealthy boundaries — preventing them from getting what they want.
4. Having mental clarity
Negative thoughts, emotions, and vibes consume energy and clutter minds. Being self-centered consumes one's energy as well. So does being invested too much in other people's opinions of you. In short, having low self-esteem is a huge energy consumer. It makes people waste a lot of their energy trying to first-aid an emotional wound. And the opposite is true. So, when you're free from these things, you typically have more energy and a clearer mind.
5. Having stable relationships
Low emotional maturity levels usually lead to unstable relationships — friendships, intimate relationships, and work. It's not a secret that toxic people have messy, unstable relationships.
6. An ability to handle and resolve conflict
The ability to resolve conflict is directly linked to high emotional maturity levels. At the same time, it is one of the skills that help secure people maintain and strengthen their relationships. Toxic people either love conflict or they're consumed by it.
One of the things that make secure people good at handling conflict is . . .
7. The ability to hold contradicting ideas in your mind simultaneously
This is the "intellectual" part of empathy. It's a combination of:
- Not taking things personally
- Having empathy
- Being less judgmental and more understanding
Holding contradicting ideas at the same time is a sign of emotional maturity. Let me explain. Have you ever met someone who was hurt by, let's say, a narcissist? Maybe it's you?
Highly secure and emotionally mature people can eventually see the pain that caused someone to be toxic. Yes, they might be hurt by the actions of this person. Still, they can recognize how badly this person must be suffering. Toxic people don't have this ability.
Mosab Alkhteb is a writer and online entrepreneur who has been writing online since 2015. His work is featured on Medium, TinyBuddha, and YourTango, and he is the author of multiple books about relationships and self-development.