13 Life Skills People Can’t Learn In School That Will Pay You For The Rest Of Your Life
You can't put a price on skills as valuable as these.
Dragana Gordic / Shutterrstock There are several life skills people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life, both within personal relationships and professional settings.
The National Association of Secondary School Principals says that people who receive "a life skills education learn to be better students, better citizens, better friends, and better family members." Unfortunately, while we spend a significant portion of our lives in school, all too often, people enter their young adult years without a strong foundation of knowledge regarding how to find true success and stability. They know how to format an essay and cite their sources, but they don’t know how to care for themselves in ways that allow for them to fully shine.
Here are 13 life skills people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life
1. Interpreting your emotions
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Interpreting your emotions is a life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. We often ignore the messages that difficult emotions send, since the hurt they bring to the surface is so hard to face. Yet truly knowing ourselves requires us to feel deeply. Processing our emotions means knowing how to interpret them, which is a life skill people can’t learn in school.
Psychologist Nick Wignall defined emotional intelligence as “the ability to work with your emotions instead of fighting them or running away.”
“Just because an emotion feels bad doesn’t mean it is bad,” he explained. Emotionally intelligent people don’t treat painful emotions as threats or signs of bad character. Instead, they view their emotions — especially the painful ones — as messengers trying to communicate information.”
Feeling all our feelings is “a hallmark of emotional intelligence” and a stepping stone to accepting and validating our emotional experience.
“People with high emotional intelligence validate their emotions,” he shared. “They identify and acknowledge their feelings. And then remind themselves that it’s okay to feel any kind of feeling.”
“You have to accept all your emotions, even the bad ones, without judgment,” Wignall concluded.
2. Knowing how to negotiate
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Knowing how to negotiate is a life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. Negotiation isn’t an innate skill. It takes intentionality and practice, along with a clear understanding of how to be persuasive and position yourself to get what you want.
According to Kelsey Miller at Harvard Business School, being a strong negotiator requires people to define their role and outline their goals in a comprehensive way. It also requires some emotional lifting. You have to know your own worth, acknowledge the other person’s perspective, and be aware of what your boundaries are.
Setting goals for negotiation includes thinking about the Zone of Possible Agreement, also known as the bargaining zone. Miller described ZOPA as “the range in which you and other parties can find common ground,” noting that a positive zone means that the terms both parties are willing to agree to overlap, while a negative zone means they’re at odds. If a bargaining zone is negative, the next course of action is to consider the BATNA, or best alternative to a negotiated agreement. It’s essentially a back-up plan that ensures you leave the negotiation with some gains.
Negotiation can be nerve-wracking, but it’s a key part of getting ahead in your career and establishing longevity in the workplace, making it a skill that will pay you for the rest of your life.
3. Having digital literacy
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Digital literacy is a life skill people don’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. While some schools are incorporating digital media literacy into their curriculum, it’s not a requirement, so most people graduate without a solid understanding of how to successfully exist in a digital world.
According to the authors of “The Handbook of Children and Screens,” digital media literacy “takes into account the full range of skills needed to read, write, speak, view, and participate in online space,” along with “the ability to access, analyze, evaluate, create, and participate with media in all its forms.”
Technology is an ever-changing entity, and it’s woven into the fabric of our daily lives. For kids and teens, especially, learning the foundations of how to be online in healthy, productive ways is essential to their current well-being and their future opportunities.
Managing risks online is just as important as knowing how to benefit from being online. Part of digital media literacy involves having young people talk about and justify their online decisions while looking at resources that inform better judgments.
4. Planning for your financial future
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A life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay for the rest of your life is planning for your financial future. Some aspects of financial planning are built into school curriculums, but it’s not especially widespread. This means that essential knowledge on how to actually build wealth and hold onto it can be difficult to access.
The World Economic Forum reported that 40% of potential investors chose not to invest because they didn’t know how to or found the process confusing, 53% said they would be more likely to invest if a financial advisor recommended it, and 65% said they would invest more if they had more opportunities to learn about the topic.
They also reported that Gen Z and millennials have lower levels of trust in financial institutions. Younger generations also have different financial goals than previous generations. They want holistic financial advice, which includes budgeting, saving, debt management, and retirement preparedness, all of which support financial resilience over the course of someone’s lifetime.
Having access to holistic financial advice can save a typical household $4,384 a year, showing that knowing how to manage your money is a skill that will absolutely pay you for the rest of your life.
5. Mindfulness
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Another life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay for you for the rest of your life is mindfulness. Andrew E. Budson, MD, of Harvard Health Publishing shared that mindfulness training can improve a crucial aspect of thinking: Our ability to pay attention and understand the world around us.
Despite its extensive benefits, mindfulness is a skill people can’t learn in school, even though it will pay you for the rest of your life.
Mindfulness educator Case Kenny spoke with YourTango's CEO Andrea Miller on the “Getting Open” podcast, sharing how his approach to mindfulness challenges the traditional definition and practice. “We think about mindfulness as this tool to know ourselves and to be present in how we feel,” he shared, framing it as a quiet, introspective process that centers around mediation.
“Mindfulness is also learning to talk to yourself… Mindfulness on its own, when it’s just listening, I think we’re missing half the battle,” he revealed. “I think that’s why a lot of people are cut off from it.”
“We can’t just only listen to ourselves. At some point, we have to take a step forward and talk to ourselves,” Kenny explained. He described his approach as “more active, it’s not this passive endeavor, it’s not just sitting. It’s more of a verb, it’s more action-focused.”
Being mindful is an effective way to manage anxiety and stress, and it helps people know themselves on a deeper level, a skill that will pay you for the rest of your life.
6. Cultivating trust
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Cultivating trust is a life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. As much as people like to think of themselves as independent, the reality is that we all need each other to survive and thrive. Mindfulness coach Moira Hutchison noted that “earning the trust of others… is a crucial part of effective communication and your life.”
She shared little ways people can inspire trust, starting with being a good listener. “When people feel like you are genuinely listening to what they're saying, they develop closeness to you and they feel comfortable in your presence,” she explained.
Hutchison also noted that providing positive reinforcement and communicating with honest intentions creates a foundation of trust between people, because showing genuine concern for the well-being of others indicates a commitment to living in kindness.
When you approach relationships from a place of compassion and warmth, you can cultivate trust in a way that will pay you for the rest of your life.
7. Managing expectations
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A life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life is how to manage your expectations. Disappointment is an unavoidable part of being human, but knowing how to manage expectations can take at least some of the sting out of being let down.
Managing expectations isn’t about being cynical or pessimistic, rather, it’s about being practical and protecting yourself from harm. You can’t force anyone to show up for you if they’re unwilling or unable to do so, and integrating that essential truth into how you approach relationships can save you major heartache.
Once you understand that you can’t control other people’s emotions or actions, you gain a sense of peace that pays you for the rest of your life.
8. Household maintenance
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Basic household maintenance is a life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. Daily existence is full of hidden costs, which is one reason why figuring out how to fix things around the house is such a valuable skill to have.
Schools don’t teach this type of maintenance, which means when your faucet starts dripping or the tiles in the bathroom need to be regrouted, you have to hire a professional, which can put a serious dent in your savings. Doing small fixes in the moment can help protect you from having to do any major overhauls later on, yet most people don’t even know where to start, which is where the magic of the internet comes in.
You can find endless resources about household maintenance online, from how-to videos to step-by-step instructions. Teaching yourself how to do small repairs is empowering and practical, and it’s a life skill that will pay you for the rest of your life.
9. Meal preparation
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Meal planning and preparation is a life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. Maybe you learned about the food pyramid in elementary school, only to discover later on in life that its standards for nutrition were totally wrong. Since Home Ec classes disappeared by the time Gen X was in school, most people graduated high school without any knowledge of how to cook for themselves.
Meal planning might seem like a lot of labor, but it actually saves time and money in the long run. Mapping out what you’re eating for the week allows you to walk into a grocery store knowing exactly what to buy, so you don’t leave with three different kinds of mustard but none of the staple foods you need.
Knowing basic kitchen skills is beneficial, even if you’re not a professional chef. Preparing well-balanced and cost-effective meals keeps you nourished and shows you know how to take care of yourself, which is not only an essential life skill, but an act of self-love.
10. Mastering small talk
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Mastering how to engage in small talk is a life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. We tend to think of small talk as a fairly meaningless endeavor. After all, talking about the weather doesn’t actually help you get to know people on a deeper level. Yet getting too heavy, too quickly when it comes to making conversation can be off-putting, especially around people you don’t know very well.
Effective small talk acts as a bridge, connecting people through casual conversation. Knowing how to have the right kind of small talk eases your way in the world.
Coach and entrepreneur Sira Mas revealed that having excellent social skills is rooted in having a warm, accessible approach. She noted that masters of small talk have the ability to put others at ease “from the way they listen attentively to how they navigate social situations with grace, their social habits make all the difference in how they connect with others.”
She shared that being curious displays a genuine interest in getting to know someone better, noting that “this curiosity is not intrusive but respectful — a delicate balance of wanting to know more about someone while valuing their privacy.”
Mas described a practice she called “measured self-disclosure,” a conversational tactic that involves “a balance between openness and discretion.” This practice allows you to share relevant information about yourself without crossing any lines or being too intimate.
“Measuring self-disclosure is an art that, when done right, helps build rapport and trust, making others feel comfortable to open up — ultimately deepening the relationship,” she explained.
At its core, having excellent social skills is about “being that person who’s easy to talk to, who listens well, and who knows when to step back or share just the right story at the right time.”
“It’s about showing up as we are and caring about the person we’re with,” Mas concluded.
11. Being truly authentic
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Genuine authenticity is a life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. All too often, our time at school teaches us how to shield who we really are to fit in with the crowd. Most teenagers are scared of standing out, because it might make others think that they’re weird or different or totally uncool. Being true to yourself requires you to know what makes you feel fulfilled, so you can live a life that’s aligned with your values.
Relationship and life coach Karen Cherrett revealed that staying focused on your true needs gives you the sense of empowerment and groundedness you need to show up for yourself in an authentic way.
“Often we are not in touch with our 'true self' because we spend a lot of our time focusing on others; what they think of us, how they perceive us, whether they like us or not,” she explained.
“Living in a space of speaking [your] truth no matter what” allows you to connect to what you really want, which in turn, allows you to embody authenticity in your everyday life.
12. Self-reflection
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Having the tools to be self-reflective is a life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. Taking a deep dive into your psyche can be intimidating, yet being reflective is the key to knowing who you really are. It involves thinking about how you think, how you act, how you treat yourself and others. Self-reflection expands our self-awareness, which allows us to grow into who we’re meant to be.
Through self-reflection, we’re able to assess ourselves in a way that helps us feel more at home in our existence.
In a conversation with YourTango CEO Andrea Miller on the “Getting Open” podcast, clinical psychiatry professor Dr. Dan Siegel spoke about “the experience of effortless being” that every human has when they’re still in the womb.
“All the oxygen you need is coming through your umbilical cord,” he said. “All the food you need is coming through your umbilical cord. All the waste you need to get rid of is coming through your umbilical cord. You don’t need to worry about connection to stay alive. It’s effortless being.”
“Let’s just call that ‘Being whole,’” Dr. Seigel continued. “You have an implicit memory of wholeness, of effortless being. So, feel into that. Retrieval of pure, implicit memory comes out as a bodily sensation, as a perception, as an emotion, as a behavior, as a mental model, as a ‘getting ready’ called priming… There’s a feeling you get of wholeness that you know literally in your bones: Effortless being that is at ease.”
13. Walking away from what no longer serves you
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Walking away from things that no longer serve you is a life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. Part of becoming your fullest self means letting go of the past, accepting the present, and acknowledging that you can’t control what’s to come. It also means giving yourself space to evolve, which requires some form of actionable change.
Implementing those changes can be intimidating. It’s uncomfortable to acknowledge that you’ve outgrown patterns of behavior or the people you’ve surrounded yourself with, until now. Yet releasing what’s no longer working for you casts a kind of spell, one that guides you toward renewal, transformation, and the abundance you deserve.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.