4 Ways To Rebuild Trust Between Yourself & The World, Even After You've Been Hurt
You have to trust in order to be trusted, but it can feel impossible when you've been let down so many times
Joshua Rawson-Harris | Unsplash Even though we come into this beautiful world as trusting creatures, it can be so hard to trust in ourselves and others.
We experience letdowns in relationships with family, friends, teachers, significant others, or humanity due to various breaches of trust. A lifetime of these breaches maks us weary and self-protective.
But trust is the glue that holds healthy relationships together — and without it, peaceful, strong relationships cannot be sustained.
So what can we do if the world has let us down, caused us not to trust?
Well, the first step is to know that we want to trust again. Then we push forward and start to grow our ability to trust the world and the people around us.
How to find your way back to being an open, trusting person
1. Determine how much you trust yourself.
While no one likes to be in a position where they lack trust in themselves, if you’re being honest, there are always areas of improvement.
Sometimes, the lack of trust is there to push you to learn something new, increase your skillset, or have you research a topic or situation so you have more information to be trusting of.
If you’re feeling a lack of faith or trust in yourself, it can be turned into a positive thing. You can use a lack of faith to help determine where your weaknesses and shortcomings lie.
Evaluating your level of self-trust helps you develop your current strengths and builds your faith in your abilities, choices, and endeavors.
2. Determine what it would take for you to trust again.
Yes, it's easier to not trust people, especially when relationships end badly or you experience a significant betrayal.
When you’re ready and when you’ve calculated what level of trust you’re willing to risk, step out and try again. Know the level of emotional safety that you require. There are wonderful people out there waiting to befriend you.
It may be scary and unsuccessful, but we all must take a chance to live a more fulfilling life. You can’t bake a cake unless you break a few eggs. Eventually, with the knowledge gained from experience, you’ll know some red flags to look out for and how to handle yourself differently in new situations. Hopefully, you’ll have a series of good trust experiences to engage in meaningful relationships and place previous untrusting relationships in your rearview mirror.
3. Be trustworthy yourself.
Everyone has insecurities due to past trust experiences, so be sure not to expect the same bad behavior from everyone. Sometimes. that expectation is warranted. However, if you distrust every person you encounter, you will put out that distrust to come back to you.
If you project your distrust and lack of faith to someone else, they will eventually pick up on it — even subconsciously — and return to you the realization of that distrustful behavior.
A wonderful way to attract trusting relationships is to be trustworthy yourself. Participate in ways that friends, coworkers, and significant others trust your word and behavior. Then, without even knowing, you’ll project your trusting character out into the world and receive it back in upgraded or new relationships.
4. Learn what you fear.
Lack of trust boils down to a fear of something. If you are failing in faith, you typically have something to lose in that scenario. What are you afraid of?
Things like losing face, looking stupid, not being good enough, ruining a relationship, losing money, or making mistakes are all valid fears. Identify the fear and face it with emotional, mental, and practical backup plans to help build trust in your life.
Fears can keep us from committing ourselves to the moment, an experience, a relationship, or an opportunity. When we face our fears, we create a foundation of trust and help develop the mindset and progress we want.
If we let it, trust can aid in the overall growth process, in ourselves, and in our relationships with others.
We develop trust through attention to emotional, mental, and relationship details – taking the time to know ourselves enough to trust ourselves, even if we don’t necessarily completely trust the people around us.
The more we know, the more we grow. The more comfortable we become in our understanding and abilities, the more we trust in the process to work in the moment and avoid self-sabotage.
Trust begets trust; trust in ourselves can lead us to trust others. Trust is an ongoing cycle of moving forward, striving to make a difference in our today and tomorrow, and that is where real, lasting growth takes place.
Pamela Aloia is a certified grief coach, intuitive/medium, and author of inspirational books. Pamela supports people through change and helps them enhance their lives and experiences via energy awareness, meditation, and mindfulness.